Published on 12, July, 2020
I have gone through talking therapy in the past and reflected on whether it was beneficial at all. In the short term it was good to have someone listen to me and feel better about myself for a while but then I had to quit when I felt it wasn't going anywhere. I also can't tell if they're being sincere or just pretending to be sympathetic because they're paid to.
I recently started again but now I'm not sure if I can continue. I'm also not comfortable disclosing my most personal issues anymore or having to tell my story again and again each time. I feel like a broken record.
I also feel I can't be myself in those sessions and I now avoid discussing my autism, past self-harm thoughts or sexual repression out of fear of being misunderstood or not taken seriously despite assurances of understanding or non-judgment.
As somebody who has been through therapy multiple times (and still doing it), I think it does help. But you need to find someone who's a good fit. I've had bad experiences, terrible experiences, and now I finally have an excellent therapist with whom I feel I can connect on a human level.
It's not something rational, it's a feeling. We know when it just "clicks." I also definitely recommend you find somebody with experience with ASD so they know what you are talking about, understand the struggles, and are able to advise and give solutions, instead of someone who just listens, nods, and says platitudes like "how does that make you feel?" and "that must be very hard for you." I've had my fair share of those.In regards with getting paid to be sympathetic, I don't have a problem with that. If you have someone you trust and can speak freely without fear of being judged, you're a very lucky person. In my case, my loved ones mean well but they don't exactly understand me, It's hard to explain certain things I go through to an allistic person. I also understand the problem with the long gaps between sessions. In my case, I keep a journal, I find that putting it in writing helps to organise my thoughts, and it gives me pointers to discuss next session. I also practice meditation, it helps me stay on track.
My son also goes to therapy, but unfortunately we haven't managed to find the right therapist yet. Keep trying, find somebody else soon, don't drop it. Some support is better than no support at all.