Published on 12, July, 2020
I have gone through talking therapy in the past and reflected on whether it was beneficial at all. In the short term it was good to have someone listen to me and feel better about myself for a while but then I had to quit when I felt it wasn't going anywhere. I also can't tell if they're being sincere or just pretending to be sympathetic because they're paid to.
I recently started again but now I'm not sure if I can continue. I'm also not comfortable disclosing my most personal issues anymore or having to tell my story again and again each time. I feel like a broken record.
I also feel I can't be myself in those sessions and I now avoid discussing my autism, past self-harm thoughts or sexual repression out of fear of being misunderstood or not taken seriously despite assurances of understanding or non-judgment.
You need to find the right therapist. I got fobbed off with lower levels but in the end I spoke to a psychologist who allowed me the space and guidance to discover "why or what" was going on.
In the NHS you get 8 sessions which isn't nearly enough for something as complex as ASD or any other form of ND and it's often associated baggage.
I started off discussing my constant low mood and it's perceived causes before finally "seeing" the elephant in the room.
If you find the right person all you can do is be as open as possible, you may think one aspect is unimportant but it may be a pivot point that allows the door to open.
The fear of judgement is natural and incredibly difficult to overcome if it ever can be.
If I'm honest I think I just deployed another mask to get over the initial sessions but once I felt safer I opened up.
Take care