I am romantically interested in someone who is autistic

If you really hope to have him let you in, it won’t be any one declaration that breaks him down, it will be routine made of regular contacts.

A silver lining can be seen in this, given its slow start it can be hard to appreciate, however rigid he is in his apprehension, will be evident in his love of you should you succeed.

If you succeed the complex will become simple and the confusing will become clear. He may not be able to declare his purpose too easily but the well trodden exposure of a purposeful trail will render that trouble obselete.

I wish you a lovely journey and thanks for the reply, I feel a lot myself in this man, so your adventure here feels particularly heroic..:)

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That's just awful, everyone deserves to be loved and to love. 

I feel thankful that attitudes have changed since then and become more relaxed. Deeming it sinful for people with disabilities and/or mental health issues to have romantic relationships strikes me as extreme. I imagine their lives must have been rather miserable.

The traditional teaching of the Catholic Church has always been (before Vatican II) that if one has any sort of disability or mental health issue, that one should refrain from becoming romantically involved with anyone as it is considered gravely sinful in all cases 

I somehow missed your comment. Thank you for your help. I have started learning a hobby which he is passionate about, for my interest but also to be able to connect with him. We've had some good discussions. I am trying to be there for him, unless he tells me he doesn't want my friendship anymore

he certainly is, he seems to be struggling more now the longer he is in this situation. I feel sometimes i might say something that can trigger his depression, it can be anything, he then becomes distant. He would never admit to it. I have been trying to help him build his confidence i hope it has helped then it might give him false hope. Its really difficult i get very upset, i care about him a lot i don't know what to do for the best. 

I know it's difficult, but from what you say he seems deeply troubled and unable to sustain a romantic relationship.  

I'm pleased to help.

He was OK when we first met, now he's not interested in life in general, and i just don't understand him,  i keep thinking he's interested but maybe he has alternative motives to our friendship. Thank you, it is also difficult to walk away from this type of situation 

Think about your wellbeing and health first.  Autistic guys, especially with difficulties can be stuck in self destructive patterns of frustration and self loathing, latching onto anything or anyone who gives us the least bit of stability.

Sometimes walking away is the best option.

I hope this helps and I wish you good luck!

tbh I am already emotionally tired I am fighting a battle i cannot win. I need to consider walking away 

It may turn into codependency, be careful and know when you are close to emotional burnout.

You need to think of Your own needs as well.

I agree, i had no idea he had autism until i met him. He's ended it many times, i assume because he convinced no one will be interested in him and possibly he doesn't want to put in the effort or doesn't know how.

Thank you! 

That's why it's better to get to know somebody well before You date them.
Your expectations may have preceded the reality.
I wish You both the very best.

Hi there, thank you.

I talk to him mostly every day with the intention of getting to know each other and hoping he will let me into his life. I don't know what else i can do. 

He finds life in general complex and confusing, its quite sad, he needs a purpose but doesn't know how to achieve it.

Despite the tribulous nature of this post, I find it quite encouraging, simply because it exists.

But as an observation, autistic persons tend to do better with procedure, so establishing a routine or goal that communicates or manifests your intention may work better than any declaration ever could.

Perhaps it’s not that he is not-interested in relationships, and he is not-interested in complexity, perhaps he is more-interested in simplicity. Over time it may equate to a big love made of many layers..:)

Thank you for your comforting comments, and helping me to understand.

It does feel like its the end of the world for him. He feels useless and he tells me he has nothing to offer.

From everyone comments I'm understanding that, i need to change my thinking, and autistic people are highly sensitive to situations.

I would like a relationship, i am hoping he will change. I have put a lot of effort into our friendship, and i certainly don't want to walk away from him while he's feeling low, he seems to need and want me in his life, but as you say its not what i want at the moment.  

I'm pleased you succeeded in your job despite being made redundant eventually.

Losing a job is a major life-changing event. When I was made redundant, it was the end of the world. I was useless, unwanted, unneeded, unskilled despite 14 years' loyal service to the company.

Once I worked through the reality of the situation (I had survived 10 years of 6-monthly rounds of redundancy, and from the original company of 2000 people I was the 48th last person to get made redundant) I realised it was not a personal rejection, it was simply that they could not afford to pay my salary.

When I went through this, I would not have been able to process anything relationship-wise, because the rejection of my employer was so overwhelming. They also broke my contract of employment (so it felt like a divorce) which they compensated financially - but I had to deal with the end of all those relationships you make at work, get used to not having a place to go every day, then start applying for jobs and dealing with all those rejections too.

If you want a relationship, be patient, understanding, loyal and honest. Stick to what he has said, rather than how you are interpreting it. And be aware that he might not have space to deal with 2 big things right now. Comforting someone is a relationship. It might not be what you want just now, but if that's all he can cope with, you need to work out if you can make that compromise.