I am romantically interested in someone who is autistic

I’m baffled why you would insert such a comment. To equate the archaic and damaging concept of sinfulness with someone’s disability is profoundly disturbing. I’m not sure the person who posted gave any indication that they are Catholic to merit such a response, and even if they are it is still not appropriate to speak in this way. I think it is safe to say that the majority of people do not actually care one jot what the Catholic Church has to say about such things.

I really appreciate your response and it is comforting. I have been thinking similar thoughts. Recently he pushed me away and told me to be with someone else but still wants me to contact him. I've spent days upset and looking for an answer. Previously he's told me he wants to see me and be intimate but he wont because his situation its complex and he's struggling in general.

If you really hope to have him let you in, it won’t be any one declaration that breaks him down, it will be routine made of regular contacts.

A silver lining can be seen in this, given its slow start it can be hard to appreciate, however rigid he is in his apprehension, will be evident in his love of you should you succeed.

If you succeed the complex will become simple and the confusing will become clear. He may not be able to declare his purpose too easily but the well trodden exposure of a purposeful trail will render that trouble obselete.

I wish you a lovely journey and thanks for the reply, I feel a lot myself in this man, so your adventure here feels particularly heroic..:)

That's just awful, everyone deserves to be loved and to love. 

I feel thankful that attitudes have changed since then and become more relaxed. Deeming it sinful for people with disabilities and/or mental health issues to have romantic relationships strikes me as extreme. I imagine their lives must have been rather miserable.

The traditional teaching of the Catholic Church has always been (before Vatican II) that if one has any sort of disability or mental health issue, that one should refrain from becoming romantically involved with anyone as it is considered gravely sinful in all cases 

I somehow missed your comment. Thank you for your help. I have started learning a hobby which he is passionate about, for my interest but also to be able to connect with him. We've had some good discussions. I am trying to be there for him, unless he tells me he doesn't want my friendship anymore

Hi there, thank you.

I talk to him mostly every day with the intention of getting to know each other and hoping he will let me into his life. I don't know what else i can do. 

He finds life in general complex and confusing, its quite sad, he needs a purpose but doesn't know how to achieve it.

Despite the tribulous nature of this post, I find it quite encouraging, simply because it exists.

But as an observation, autistic persons tend to do better with procedure, so establishing a routine or goal that communicates or manifests your intention may work better than any declaration ever could.

Perhaps it’s not that he is not-interested in relationships, and he is not-interested in complexity, perhaps he is more-interested in simplicity. Over time it may equate to a big love made of many layers..:)

Thank you for your comforting comments, and helping me to understand.

It does feel like its the end of the world for him. He feels useless and he tells me he has nothing to offer.

From everyone comments I'm understanding that, i need to change my thinking, and autistic people are highly sensitive to situations.

I would like a relationship, i am hoping he will change. I have put a lot of effort into our friendship, and i certainly don't want to walk away from him while he's feeling low, he seems to need and want me in his life, but as you say its not what i want at the moment.  

I'm pleased you succeeded in your job despite being made redundant eventually.

Losing a job is a major life-changing event. When I was made redundant, it was the end of the world. I was useless, unwanted, unneeded, unskilled despite 14 years' loyal service to the company.

Once I worked through the reality of the situation (I had survived 10 years of 6-monthly rounds of redundancy, and from the original company of 2000 people I was the 48th last person to get made redundant) I realised it was not a personal rejection, it was simply that they could not afford to pay my salary.

When I went through this, I would not have been able to process anything relationship-wise, because the rejection of my employer was so overwhelming. They also broke my contract of employment (so it felt like a divorce) which they compensated financially - but I had to deal with the end of all those relationships you make at work, get used to not having a place to go every day, then start applying for jobs and dealing with all those rejections too.

If you want a relationship, be patient, understanding, loyal and honest. Stick to what he has said, rather than how you are interpreting it. And be aware that he might not have space to deal with 2 big things right now. Comforting someone is a relationship. It might not be what you want just now, but if that's all he can cope with, you need to work out if you can make that compromise.

hi I'm southern brumby4 and I'm new here and so maybe we can be friends too and I want to know what is your interested in and maybe we can learn more about each other and I like to run and go swimming and  film my Breyer horses too and watch football like my team the Kansas city chiefs

thank you i will take a look 

Yes he is the same. He has morals, he's caring, loyal, and a lovely person.  This is why i am attracted to him. He actually had a similar experience with a young attractive girl who was interested in him but he didn't agree with her moral standards.

Its nice to hear you have been married 27 years

I like that idea. I did ask him a while ago to meet up as friends but he still refused, i am going to try that approach again. 

He might be wondering why anyone would be interested in him, when he has a hard time finding interest and the value in himself. Maybe jumping into a relationship might be too fast with everything that's been going on in his life. If both of you just enjoy each other's company, then maybe just hang out together for awhile, without any additional pressure about commitment, and see where that goes. 

Autistic people are often very moral. I know that in my younger years I didn't respond to young women who even I recognised (autistic people often do not recognise non-verbal cues) were interested in me, because I was unemployed and considered that I had nothing to offer them. Not to be boastful, but one time a very intelligent and attractive young woman essentially threw herself at me, but I didn't catch because I was 10 years older than she was. In retrospect, a relationship with me would not have harmed her in any way, as I am a kind, loyal and generous person. This stiff and often inappropriate moral sense can be crippling for autistics. I eventually found my ideal partner and have been married, to a neurotypical woman, for 27 years. Autistic people in relationships are very often entirely loyal and reliable.

I find your advice highly valuable although it does not apply to me. 

there is an author that it really help me at the beggining, it is Rudy Simone. Maybe you can look for some info there :)

Hello, thanks for your comments, he is 40 and has nothing, the only thing he understands is motorbikes. I've tried to explain the bigger picture i think its been too much and out of his reach when hes feeling like this. 

That's a good idea, i thought about doing this but then thought maybe i would offend him, its good to hear it helps you. xx