Published on 12, July, 2020
I dated an autistic guy in February this year since then we have been talking, i really like him, I've told him how i feel, and I want a relationship, but he is struggling after losing his job 3 months ago and wont commit to seeing me again. He's recently opened up to me and said he struggles to fit in, he has nothing to bring to a relationship, his life is complicated and he is struggling. He has no friends, and no girlfriend for 10 years, I am doubtful if he's ever had a girlfriend and i am not sure if this is another reason he wont date me again as he has no confidence in himself. I keep getting frustrated with the situation, it's affecting him and he gets down. he's told me he likes me but cannot tell me how he feels when i ask him. He can easily walk away with no emotions, and i get upset. Clearly he's not interested in a relationship but enjoys my company i feel maybe i am comforting him as he also said he's lonely. He longs for something meaningful but cannot see the bigger picture. We met on a dating site so I am hoping he's just going through a hard time. I keep telling myself to be patient and he will change and want to see me. I would like some advice what to do with the situation as I am not autistic.
Despite the tribulous nature of this post, I find it quite encouraging, simply because it exists.
But as an observation, autistic persons tend to do better with procedure, so establishing a routine or goal that communicates or manifests your intention may work better than any declaration ever could.
Perhaps it’s not that he is not-interested in relationships, and he is not-interested in complexity, perhaps he is more-interested in simplicity. Over time it may equate to a big love made of many layers..:)
Hi there, thank you.
I talk to him mostly every day with the intention of getting to know each other and hoping he will let me into his life. I don't know what else i can do.
He finds life in general complex and confusing, its quite sad, he needs a purpose but doesn't know how to achieve it.
If you really hope to have him let you in, it won’t be any one declaration that breaks him down, it will be routine made of regular contacts.
A silver lining can be seen in this, given its slow start it can be hard to appreciate, however rigid he is in his apprehension, will be evident in his love of you should you succeed.
If you succeed the complex will become simple and the confusing will become clear. He may not be able to declare his purpose too easily but the well trodden exposure of a purposeful trail will render that trouble obselete.
I wish you a lovely journey and thanks for the reply, I feel a lot myself in this man, so your adventure here feels particularly heroic..:)
I really appreciate your response and it is comforting. I have been thinking similar thoughts. Recently he pushed me away and told me to be with someone else but still wants me to contact him. I've spent days upset and looking for an answer. Previously he's told me he wants to see me and be intimate but he wont because his situation its complex and he's struggling in general.