Published on 12, July, 2020
I dated an autistic guy in February this year since then we have been talking, i really like him, I've told him how i feel, and I want a relationship, but he is struggling after losing his job 3 months ago and wont commit to seeing me again. He's recently opened up to me and said he struggles to fit in, he has nothing to bring to a relationship, his life is complicated and he is struggling. He has no friends, and no girlfriend for 10 years, I am doubtful if he's ever had a girlfriend and i am not sure if this is another reason he wont date me again as he has no confidence in himself. I keep getting frustrated with the situation, it's affecting him and he gets down. he's told me he likes me but cannot tell me how he feels when i ask him. He can easily walk away with no emotions, and i get upset. Clearly he's not interested in a relationship but enjoys my company i feel maybe i am comforting him as he also said he's lonely. He longs for something meaningful but cannot see the bigger picture. We met on a dating site so I am hoping he's just going through a hard time. I keep telling myself to be patient and he will change and want to see me. I would like some advice what to do with the situation as I am not autistic.
Losing a job is a major life-changing event. When I was made redundant, it was the end of the world. I was useless, unwanted, unneeded, unskilled despite 14 years' loyal service to the company.
Once I worked through the reality of the situation (I had survived 10 years of 6-monthly rounds of redundancy, and from the original company of 2000 people I was the 48th last person to get made redundant) I realised it was not a personal rejection, it was simply that they could not afford to pay my salary.
When I went through this, I would not have been able to process anything relationship-wise, because the rejection of my employer was so overwhelming. They also broke my contract of employment (so it felt like a divorce) which they compensated financially - but I had to deal with the end of all those relationships you make at work, get used to not having a place to go every day, then start applying for jobs and dealing with all those rejections too.
If you want a relationship, be patient, understanding, loyal and honest. Stick to what he has said, rather than how you are interpreting it. And be aware that he might not have space to deal with 2 big things right now. Comforting someone is a relationship. It might not be what you want just now, but if that's all he can cope with, you need to work out if you can make that compromise.
Thank you for your comforting comments, and helping me to understand.
It does feel like its the end of the world for him. He feels useless and he tells me he has nothing to offer.
From everyone comments I'm understanding that, i need to change my thinking, and autistic people are highly sensitive to situations.
I would like a relationship, i am hoping he will change. I have put a lot of effort into our friendship, and i certainly don't want to walk away from him while he's feeling low, he seems to need and want me in his life, but as you say its not what i want at the moment.
I'm pleased you succeeded in your job despite being made redundant eventually.