I feel like not fully grown up/mature

Alienatedhuman said:

I wanna hide in a cave

I feel this so much. When I'm having a meltdown I tend to find the darkest, smallest, safest place that I can find. I even did it as a child but I didn't realize it.... my mom always brought home these really huge boxes from work for me and I put them in my room and made my own little cozy space with just some dim lighting (Christmas lights) and lots of blankets and pillows. I think that's the general idea of what we are trying to do by putting our heads in our hands/hiding our faces. It helps block a lot of the external stimuli. 

Yes! That’s totally me. I press my forehead with my hands or book if I have any and it helps me somehow. I’m totally embarrassed and afraid that someone will see me crying or soothing myself my own weird way. I never yell back, but I cry. Sometimes I can manage it better but often not. And then till the end of the day I feel like everything is wrong out of place, everything annoys feels bad and I’m bad etc. there are many noises at work that I dislike but I can handle them just fine if I’m fine. If I’m not, then I wanna hide in a cave then even speaking to someone is hard and painful or if someone asks me a question I have to hold myself hard to not start crying again. 

Hi HMO

You've achieved something great and very grown up by learning to drive - I have never got my licence, and I'm in my 60s. Doesn't bother me though, I remind myself how much money I'm saving!

The thing is, society decides what "grown ups" should have achieved or be able to do, but that's no measure of individual happiness.The things you're worried that you can't do either aren't important, or don't need to be difficult.

Preparing a meal can be quite simple - things like a jacket potato cooked in a microwave, topped with tuna or cheese, or a pasta sauce with a pack of quorn mince thrown in, served with pasta or garlic bread, or burgers cooked in a tray in the oven for 25 minutes then served in buns with a salad. Nearly all food items sold today have instructions how to cook or prepare them, and there are lots of easy meal ideas on the internet. You.just need to.practice how to make something edible, you're not competing on Masterchef. 

Ironing is a waste of time - time that could be.used for doing something much more interesting. I stopped it years ago. If you buy clothes in man made or mixed fabrics that dont crease badly, then hang them on hangers to dry, you never need to iron.

And tying shoelaces?? Just buy trainers with velcro, or slip ons - Laces only keep coming untied and are a trip hazard anyway!

I had a moment like that this weekend. Nobody yelled at me or did anything bad towards me, I just felt like I kept making mistakes and that people were judging me and were annoyed by me. I had to take a moment to be by myself and breathe, hold my head in my hands and remind myself that everything was okay. I removed myself from the situation and made myself useful elsewhere and everything was okay in the end. 

Yep, that's me too - spent my life wishing I didnt cry. I rarely shout at anyone - my anger goes in on myself and I start crying, then sometimes find it hard to stop and feel a complete mess.

Another thing, is that I often feel like the only adult and everybody expects me to look after them and their needs and expects me not  to have any needs of my own. I end feeling like a camel who's having straws piled on its back to see how many it takes to break it.

There are days when I can cope with being screamed at, I scream back, but it does leave me felling unsettled sometimes for days after. I get that feeling of being a child in an adults body too, I think it's because, like you, I'm not an effing mind reader, if people can't, don't or won't explain themselves why do they get upset when nobody understands them? There are times when I hide, or go for a drive somewhere because the car's the only place I can be on my own, thats assuming of course that nobody tries being an ***, like pretending they don't know where reverse gear is when they're driving on a single track road. It can take me days to recover from  a meltdown or near melt down, it can take days for one to manifest too, I can feel it building, if only people wouldn't ask me stupid questions and left me alone things would be alright.

I can drive but it does pose a few problems. I've driven a manual car for 5 years and have had enough because 95% of my issues with driving come from the fact it's a manual.

For me the exact opposite- I can cook, but driving overwhelms me I’m sure that one stressful situation would drive me to meltdown. 

Yes, I start crying like a little girl if someone shouts. This is well known to me from my past, but now after long break I have tough time at work. It’s so hard to regulate. Plus today morning (before my mistake and misunderstanding) I was just sitting staring out the window and one colleague approached me, touched me, looked me in the eyes and asked “why are you so sad?”. I felt treated by her like a child. I hate it! I answered everything is fine and left asap. And there is also a lot of miscommunication: “move it” - “ok, where I should move it?” - “just move it, don’t be so complicated!”. Am I complicated because I ask the person where the item should be moved/taken? It turned out he wanted me to move it a meter left. Do he could say it. Instead of being upset that I don’t read his mind. 

I'm in my mid 20s. There's some parts where I feel grown up, but so many things I can't do. I can drive, but I can't cook. I can't iron my own clothes or do shoelaces.

A lot of that is because I'm too ashamed to ask and if I do ask, I get judged or dismissed.

I'm terrible at regulating my emotions if someone said something to upset me. I turn into someone who wants to scream or throw something.