I feel like not fully grown up/mature

Does anyone else feel like this? It’s so hard to regulate emotions after someone screamed at me or I had a misunderstanding and feel like a total idiot and loser for not understanding or asking questions. Strong light, sounds of scanners, people talking and laughing loud, strollers being moved on the floor and many other sounds that usually don’t make me feel disregulated today made me crazy and crying I had to hide so no one sees me crying. It was so hard to calm down and soothe myself. I pressed my forehead with my hands and sat for few minutes. This is why I feel like a child in an adult body. Terribly embarrassing. I’m high functioning- I’m a child functioning in adult world and trying to cope. Does anyone have any thoughts, advice, experience, stories to share, I’ll be happy. 

  • Bless you! I totally hear where you are coming from there, I have felt like that many times over the years even to the point when I have been with a group of friends, I've disappeared because I suddenly felt like I was not good enough, it is bloody hard and exhausting!  But I realise with the help of my partner  and good friends that it is part of me,  I realise that I am more akin to a 15 year old boy and I'm learning to accept that as part of me and with the help of my partner placing the boundaries that I need to function,  don't get me wrong I do adult things naturally but the boy inside of me is a big part too.  Don't ever put yourself down, you like everyone is an individual,  remember you are you and you are fabulous, sadly there is such an obsession with defining people due to age , sex and gender and what is expected,  think it's alot of cods wallop,  this is half the trouble for us, lack of understanding in others 

  • I often feel like I haven't matured fully. I don't go as far as crying a lot, but I'll internalise a lot of negative feelings as I've done it my whole life. Right now I'm feeling like no one wants me so I'm feeling lonely. I watch groups of people as they pass by and think they seemed to have figured out all this adult stuff - they actually all natural together, whereas I've got to plan out socialising which is exhausting eventually. I just think that if I were a real adult then lots of things would be easier.

  • Some people can be horrible. I can never understand behaviour like this. 

  • Yes thank you, we had a good time at my cousin's house. The man was eventually arrested and the woman was taken to hospital but found to have no significant injuries, thankfully.

  • I both agree and disagree, though I'm with you in the spirit of the idea. Everyone is unique, absolutely. The statistical probability of each individual existing is equally as close to impossible, and at the same time utterly inevitable. However, I've always been more interested in who a person is becoming, rather than who they are, here and now.

  • Many people believe that people with autism should not be allowed to live alone without a live-in carer nor be allowed to travel without a chaperone - after the experience I had with a train strike in October 2022, travelling from the U.K. to Ireland unaccompanied is no longer an option for me, as it attracted massive disapproval from family since my diagnosis, who are still battling to have me stopped from living alone and want me more closely watched and monitored - besides, travel since Covid has become much more unpredictable with last minute delays and cancellations, making it virtually impossible to plan, plus the costs of travel have doubled across all forms of transport, especially long distance 

  • Wow, that’s a lot of unfortunate things that happened before your destination was reached. Did you make it there ok and did you enjoy your time there? Did you ever find out if the women was ok? Hope so. 

    It’s strange how when things go wrong sometimes they really go wrong. 

  • My brother, his girlfriend and myself once went to Glasgow on the train to see my cousin and it was a nightmare! Our first mistake was forgetting the horse racing was on, so the train was full of fancily dressed people who had been drinking, and there was rubbish all over the seats. Then two stops in, we had to get out and change from the diesel train to the electric train, and then once we got to Glasgow, the arrivals and departures info for the low-level trains are no longer on the main concourse so we had to find where they were. Then about ten minutes into our twenty minute journey on the low level train, it inexplicably came to a halt in between stations. 

    We were getting late for our dinner at this point so also trying to phone and let them know what we wanted so they could order food  for us, and the driver came over on the speaker to say that there was a trespasser on the line and the police were trying to apprehend them.

    After about 40 minutes, they announced that we would be returning to the previous station and we would have to find alternative transport.

    So we got an Uber from there, eventually.

    Found out later that someone had pushed a woman onto the train tracks and then taken off when chased. So we all kinda felt bad about complaining of the delay.

    But all of us felt it was so stressful that we would just drive and stay overnight next time rather than public transport.

  • Travel is one of the worst things for me. Where we are subject to delays and cancellations out of our control. I've spent ridiculous amounts of money on an Uber in one situation. Nothing gives me the fear as much as the phrase "replacement bus service". I wish our transport system was as reliable as Japan. I've avoided big swathes of nice things due to fear of transport. I can't do it without my wife. Though I am like the alcoholic hiding the bottle in that I am not totally open about how much I fear it.

  • I must add when I said it’s nice to know I don’t suffer alone I don’t in any way feel relieved that you suffer. Just thought I should explain that as I would never want anyone to struggle. Just meant that it’s reassuring that’s all.

    Take care

  • Thanks Marvel

    It’s really nice to know I don’t suffer this alone. Being a responsible adult scares me half to death even though I am a parent to two boys. I also get very overwhelmed with invoices and bills so choose not to look at them. There’s a lot to this grown up stuff that’s for sure. 

  • Congratulations on your 6 month anniversary Alienated!

    As I saw the thread come up in my notifications I remembered this from 6 months ago very clearly and remember responding.

    I have problems recognising if people are joking or being serious and have to ask which way they meant it. I didn’t get a joke that was on a group chat last night and thought it was an argument between two parents. My wife said it was a joke and I still didn’t understand. She said how am I able to perceive that as a serious thing in my head. 

    Very often when I have a good old bit of crying time I don’t know why I’m doing it, guess it’s from some sensory issue or maybe thinking about too many things at once which overloads me (who knows). 

    Anyway what a great thread and love that people are still relating to this still today

  • I literally feel your situation. I was in similar. Once I got lost on a train station in Berlin, when working there few years ago. I suddenly felt so terribly overwhelmed there was huge crowd of people I lost my ability to think clearly and started crying like a little girl. Someone stopped, one young woman took my hand and walked me out and helped to css as lm down I told her to which platform I need to go and she showed me the way. It was really lovely of her. I had no idea that I might be autistic at that time. Once I also had a situation when sitting in a waiting room to a doctor (dermatologist). I was terribly stressed by the constant noise of squeaking and slamming doors. I wanted to cover my ears but I knew I have to listen carefully when they call my name. It was 2 hours. I was so stressed that I rocked back and forth and bang my gusts on my forehead (it’s calming). Others moved away from me. Someone even asked the nurse to “remove that crazy woman” because they are afraid. Then the dermatologist also informed me that I’m me tally ill and need a psychiatrist. I went to seek the psychiatrist in that big clinic but the lady in the receptionist didn’t take me seriously and I just went home confused and stressed. 

  • many other sounds that usually don’t make me feel disregulated today made me crazy and crying

    Yes, this is me when I am tired or stressed or more depressed than usual. Every little thing seems to niggle at first and then it all builds and suddenly I am crying.

    I once had a lovely morning with a friend in London but I had to catch the train back to Scotland after we had lunch. Unfortunately the tube to get to the station was inexplicably delayed and I was sitting there getting more and more agitated. It eventually got to the stop near the station with about five minutes before my train left, and I had a big case to drag, and I was running to make sure I didn't miss it, and I got onto the concourse just to see my train marked on the board as having left.

    I managed to find the information desk and explain the situation to the chap there, he was very patient and eventually got me even in my agitated state to understand that as I had booked a ticket, I could still get the next train, I'd just have to wait an hour.

    After that, I was so overwhelmed with everything that had happened that even though I knew that everything was going to be alright, I had to find a quieter spot to sit by the wall (it was very busy and no seats available) and I was just sobbing my heart out. People were stopping and asking me if I was ok, and I had to tell them everything was fine, I had just missed my train.

    I had no idea I was autistic at that point, I just thought I was overly sensitive and couldn't cope.

  • I too get told on many occasions that I behave like a teenage boy rather than a man but it's simply the only way I find I can cope with the adult world, and often can only see things through a teenage boys eyes.  I too have tantrums,  It is the only way I can release what's inside and like you I feel bad but it's who I am,  I find living in the adult world so very difficult 

  • It's interesting what you say about the socially acceptable stress management,  they have never worked for me neither,  what I'd like to know is who are they socially acceptable for?  Especially When I see how some people in the world behave  and some of these are people who run the country !  Just because it may be different to others doesn't mean I have to be made to feel like an outcast,  everybody is unique and individual and that should be celebrated not all made to fit in the same mold 

  • Time does indeed fly,  I am new to here! Don't worry you are not alone,  I cry too,  for me it's normally when I can't get my feelings across or don't understand things or sometimes I get angry because at myself because I can't. I too have  problems with social interaction some and understanding people's body language etc, most the time i find myself asking my partner because I don't understand, when it comes to mood im more or less the same, it will change more when I indulge in the things that make me happy and safe if that makes sense 

  • Wow! This old thread shows that I’m more than half year here (it wasn’t my first one). I feel like a child because I cry for no reason or for reason that others don’t. Like throwing out a good functioning item, I imagine, how it was manufactured, by someone working on minimum wage, then it was transported hundreds or thousands kilometres, only to end up in dustbin because of some scratch on its surface (customers complaint and return). Nobody at work  cries for such reason only me. And I also feel immature because I have difficulties navigating in social interactions (I often don’t understand if something was said seriously or playfully, I have problems recognizing irony etc) I often need additional explanation. This is also a reason. And generally struggling to regulate my emotions. I usually have my neutral mood- without emotions. But if I have any they often get too strong to keep them. 

  • Really interesting thread 

    I get told I’m like a teenager and not a husband on many occasions. As you have all mentioned I have tantrums or meltdowns, can cry over many things and can feel like my body is going to burst from trying to keep too much in. 
    My therapist said being like a child is only ruined by expectation of other adults because it’s what we are supposed to do. I no longer apologise for being this way because it is what helps regulate me. It doesn’t stop me feeling guilty though. 

    Alienated I try to take myself away for my (take5) breaks and let it out or just be still, I sometimes rock side to side, jiggle my legs around and bite all the skin from around my nails and inside my mouth and I feel a little better and half able to return to what I was doing. 
    I do also find these things embarrassing but without these ways of coping how bad would things be? 

    I hope you are all coping in your own ways and wish you all well

  • I struggle massively with confrontation and it's even worse when it's unexpected, I can plan (and do) for almost every eventuality but the totally unexpected floors me.

    I work in a noisy environment that can be difficult, I bought filter type ear plugs that cut some higher frequencies and background noise.

    I sort of dissociate when I'm really stressed, I go really quiet. I've been told by a coworker that I go "dark" and it's unsettling.

    I think many of us have similar stories to tell and have developed coping strategies to help.

    You have to take care of yourself. 

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