I feel like not fully grown up/mature

Happy to know that I am not alone lol

i too have felt like this, its very odd isnt it. im an intelligent (graduate, ex teacher) person but there are things i just cannot understand and grasp which others find easy and they look at me like, why cant you understand this?  I have found that now im old i have a great get out clause and i just play the "stupid old lady" card.  Its great.

omg people eating -  YES! My ex husband eating nuts, drove me nuts !  I could not be in the same room as him. And him breathing, thats why he became an ex lol

Suits me

Yes please 

Yes, we are :D 

Maybe we can all be alone together

I'm not as bad when it comes to shouting as I don't get angry I tend to go and salk   for ages as i just can't process it

I count myself as quite lucky. I have all my head hair which is about 20% grey, 80% black. And I've never had chest hair (though some new grey ones have started in my middle age)

Alien0n3arth said:

I relate a lot! Especially the raising voice at me, it’s very hard for me to calm down at the moment. I literally feel the heart pounding and I use all my strength to stop myself from acting out.

I hate shouting too. It is extremely rare that I shout and takes a lot to cross that line. I often feel like shouting but as you said I keep it in and can feel like I’ve ran a marathon in my chest area. It’s an overwhelming experience. 
Again just being shouted at has ruined my day or even the entire weekend, I don’t know why it lingers once the shouting stops but it feels horrible.

Yes I'd be more than happy to talk marvel sometime  

We'll have to talk about Marvel some time. I'm just getting little moments on here when I pop to the loo (too much info, sorry). 

I must admit listening to everyone's experiences is really helping me understand that I am not alone,  I was diagnosed when I was a child and never came to terms with it ,  to the point I have hidden it away for many many years.  I didn't want  want to be looked upon as different and desperately wanted to fit in and be accepted and loved,  resulting in me making some bad choices when it came to my social circle which left me feeling even more alone and feeling like crap,  all I wanted was to not wake up!  I had two bad relationships that made it worse ie being used and humiliated at times too! Thankfully now I have a lovely supportive partner that has over the last 15 year's helped me hugely to realise autism is part of me and goes to a greater way for him to be able to help me in my journey to self acceptance now,  he really helps me with setting my boundaries and routines and helping me with other things that I struggle with IE understanding adult responsibility s .  Don't get me wrong I still find it very hard to understand,  hence why I am here now trying to understand me and realise I'm not alone,  so it's nice to here all you have to say,  much of which I can relate to and finally tell someone and they understand or are going through themselves. 

The topic of nois that has just been mentioned regarding somes breathing is interesting because one of the top noises that instantly winds me up and has resulted on a couple of occasions shouting for them to stop is people who eat crisps,  I simply hate the sound,  my partner hast to go out of the room when he eats them and the other thing  not as bad but bad enough is certain  people's voices drive me up the wall,  now I can listen to people like for example Johanna Lumley or Steven fry all day long and find it comforting but you put  Alan carr or Louis Spence in tge mix id be liable to throw a brick at the tv .

Thank you.

I am sorry that your car was damaged and that you're now having to pay for the damage caused by the elderly driver.

At home when I am with my son, or when I visit my mother, I am completely capable of losing my temper. It's never physical, but I will raise my voice if my patience is tested.

In response to your question, I am having to use the temporary account I'd created because if I use my 'normal' one, I get a message stating there is an issue with my account. It seems to be the same issue that Roy's having with his account.

People shouting is unbearable. I don't think anyone would dare shout at me now, but I'd not be able to cope with a road rage incident where people regress to animals more. An old man went into the back of our car about a month ago on a motorway. He looked terrified, but I didn't even speak to him and didn't have the ability to remember to get insurance details. Our car was damaged and now we have to pay. That was an incident were other people would be shouting, but I am incapable of losing my temper. I would not be able to cope to be on the other side, if I was in the wrong (How come you are temporary again Sparkly?)

Alien0n3arth said:

I also Found the hair on his chest sticking out of his shirt really gross.

This made me giggle, as it reminded me of an ex-boyfriend who was quite hairy. It didn't bother me, but sometimes he would ask me to shave off random hairs that grew on his back and shoulders. For some strange reason, I found it strangely satisfying, but if we had stayed together long-term, I think the novelty would have quickly worn off. 

I relate a lot! Especially the raising voice at me, it’s very hard for me to calm down at the moment. I literally feel the heart pounding and I use all my strength to stop myself from acting out. It usually also destroys my mood for the whole day. And the breathing- I remember as a kid I was called naughty when I told one “uncle” that his breath is too loud and I can’t play with him. I’m not sure who he was, but it’s not important. I also Found the hair on his chest sticking out of his shirt really gross. I felt like going to vomit. I was around 7-8 at that time. 

I'll be 50 next month, but in some respects I still feel like I have yet to 'grow up' and become an adult. Sometimes, I feel that the way I think about things and react to things can be childlike. I distinctly remember an occasion when I had taken my son to a CAMHS appointment. There had been a man sat in the waiting room, and I had considered the sound of his breathing to be unacceptably loud and downright irritating. It wasn't his fault, but I can remember making a big deal about it to my son's psychologist (or whatever she was). Looking back, I can now laugh at how ridiculous I must have sounded to her, but I had found that man's breathing so intolerable that it had put me a foul mood for the rest of day.

One thing I know I don't cope well with is if someone raises their voice and snaps at me, even if it is probably justified. On the surface, I may be able to create the illusion of being calm and composed, but inside it's a different matter. It's like the child within me just wants to scream and shout, retreat to somewhere quiet and dark, etc, much like I did when I actually was a child.

It's rare for me to completely lose it in public, mainly because I find the fear of causing a scene and attracting unwanted attention too terrifying. I'll wait until I'm in the safety of my own home to un-cork all my pent-up anger and frustration. However, the amount of effort and energy required to appear calm and composed often causes me to feel physically and mentally drained.

pdaddio83 said:

I just think that if I were a real adult then lots of things would be easier.

This! I wondered my whole life, how others do everything so easily not showing or having any stress. This is also a reason that I always felt and often still feel inferior despite knowing, that I’m not alone and what might be the reason.