I feel like not fully grown up/mature

Adulthood is an affectation, impressed upon us by others. If you're responsible for your own wellbeing, no one has the right to judge you for how you cope with the struggles of your life, if those methods are harmless. That's something I struggle with, because when I feel frustrated and overwhelmed, I want very much to externalise my emotions and release the pent up energy. It's like lancing a blister; it relieves the pressure.

Recently, I went for a walk to get some exercise. When I got home, my father teased me, telling me I should add some laps up and down the flight of stairs. I damaged my wardrobe over that. It was destructive, but I stopped feeling like I was going to have a heart attack. I don't feel good about this strong want to what is essentially throw a tantrum, but believe me when I say the socially acceptable stress management techniques do not work for me.

Secluding yourself to cry isn't a matter of childishness. No one has the right to judge you for how you try to cope with your life, given that it hurts no one for you to do that. Often as I find, what people call adulthood is really just finding new forms of the same behaviours from childhood. And if someone is screaming at you? Well that doesn't seem very indicative of maturity to me.

Hi there I'm new to this site,  I just been reading the posts on here,  I have been recently trying to come to terms with my autism as over the years it has been something that i have felt ashamed of and not wanted to discuss, thankfully i have a very supportive partner of 15 years who has been helping me .  It is interesting you mention maturity, as I am very immature and tend to deal with things in a very teenage boy manner more like that of a 15 year old boy than a man of 44 ,  yes i can do adult things and behave in an adult manner but it is something i find very challenging.  Thankfully my partner is very good with me and set's boundaries and routines for me and does the adult thing of making sure bills are paid as I've proved on many occasions I just can't cope with it and have melowns. Sometimes I get paranoid what people think to our relationship as it's not what most would see as a normal relationship,  so I end up getting myself in a right mess about it and my partner is saying to reassure me it's fine and that he is okay with it,  I keep trying to be more manly and mature but I find it so difficult , Im just so paranoid , he will keep telling me that he loves me for who I am but I get so worked up that i cry

That's a good point. I think maybe I decided not to pursue a formal diagnosis partly because I thought it might make me appear vulnerable. I've always felt that I'm quite an independent person - I don't really like asking for help, and as I've had problems in the past with people not taking me seriously, I might have subconsciously thought it would make that worse. 

Luckily I've now had some years to get used to the idea of being on the spectrum, and I've got old enough not to care what anybody thinks of me.

I often wonder if we are allowing ourselves to be stereotyped and labelled as “vulnerable” which could attract and invite negative attitudes towards us, by those who insist on condescending attitudes and “talking down to” us and invalidating our opinions just because of our autism, especially post-diagnosis - this is yet another reason why I firmly believe and maintain that post-diagnosis assessments are absolutely essential, crucial and vital for us to identify both our level of autism and levels of appropriate autism post-diagnostic support required, enabling us to to both move forward in life and  identify a clear sense of self 

Enjoy the younger outlook. Good for you. 

I have been a crier right from the off according to my mum. She said she used to worry about me a lot because I would cry at anything. Nowadays it depends where my head is at and although I could easily cry at anything I can keep it in but it’s a huge battle internally, then there are days that I’m a terrible mess. My upset is usually a high amount of empathy for others or the link between music and memories. 

Not just child-like, but like you, I’m aware in being child-like and that it’s inappropriate and so I must mask. What I want to do is respond like a child would, but I try to “adult it out” and that leaves me exhausted. And so I totally understand your need to let it all out, like a child, and just cry. No doubt at all that it helps. 

Holding my head in my hands is something I do as well whilst covering my eyes. I never thought of this as soothing myself but I guess it is. 
The same regulating myself as you do HyperHommie , I go into my garage with the lights off where it’s very quiet and minimal light and I love it, that’s my safe space. 

As an older gay man, I get told all the time, even before I was diagnosed, that I’m immature, as we gay men get told constantly that we have the “Peter pan syndrome” but through watching episodes of Ru Paul’s Drag Race and listening to what the queens have to say in the Werkroom and on the Main Stage, I’ve learned to embrace this part of myself, as being “immature” can be an advantage in some situations - I’ve went out to gay and straight clubs with some straight family members much younger than me, as I have a very young outlook on life and even at age 53, I can still “turn it out” on the dancefloor and I’ve gained a lot of straight friends this way in my home village in Ireland 

i feel like you just described my own experience and feelings. Thank you for your response in this post!

Yes me too. Child like and vulnetable but most of the time capable. 

Life isn't to be taken seriously - it's to be enjoyed as much as possible! 

You can cook lots of stuff in the microwave though, or heat up ready cooked chilled foods like sausage rolls, chicken legs, etc. And there are lots of good ready meals in Iceland - their "takeaway" curries and cheap lasagnes are very tasty.I

I don't believe anybody really "grows up". I think it's a mask - people are faking it, either because they want others to listen to and.follow their ideas, or because they're scared of not being taken seriously if they act like the child they still are in their mind.

I struggle with those too, because I don't know what they're like and what they could do to me. If I'm with someone, then that's a different story.

I’m generally not confrontational but there are exceptions.

1, if it’s a stranger and they are rude to me

2, if a stranger is really up close in my space 

3, if a stranger nicks my car park space

4, if a stranger tries to push in front of me 

I don’t do confrontation with people I’m familiar with (accept my wife who I have to be ready at all times for) 

Yeah, I start to spiral if someone is rude to me. Even if they don't realise, because I can't physically confront them.

I can microwave stuff but using a cooker or an oven is a no-no. I can make a sandwich etc. I never really have taken it seriously though.

Admittedly my mum doesn't do much in the way of ironing our clothes either. And I don't wear shoes with shoelaces as a rule!

But I think it's more of an internal thing of "I'm not grown up enough".

I do adult things but don't feel like an adult at all, a lot of people say I'm very childlike. I recently had a major meltdown, which was burnout-induced, and regressed a lot, struggling to do certain things that I've always been able to do. This includes any socialising, booking appointments, being independent, having to be accompanied everywhere...

it's a weird feeling as I can drive, I work full-time, I'm married, and I am saving up to buy my first house. Yet I struggle to do things that most people can do without hesitation. I too struggle to manage my emotions, and find it hard to cope with bright lights, strong smells, and other sensory stuff. I usually just mask my feelings until I'm at home where I can either let it all out or spend some time doing the things I enjoy to forget about it. 

I also dissociate a lot and feel like I'm not fully in control of my body, and like I'm just a passenger watching behind my eyes.

Thank you for your answer it’s good to know I’m not alone feeling like this 

Hi

I am sorry that I don’t have any advice but can relate to your post in a big way. I have always thought of myself as a vulnerable child like adult. Don’t get me wrong I manage to get by but it baffles me at how all the responsibility of being an adult doesn’t seem to affect Nt’s. 
I often get told my responses are somewhat child like. 

You put it in words perfectly! I absolutely relate to this too!