Late diagnosis

Hi Herge

I found that the more I do it the more I’m able to get in that zone. Also having both earphones in aided that as well as I could connect to their voice better. 

Just a thought

Have you got some free hours in the week / can you with the understanding of your family create some free hours to do something that you really enjoy and that does not have a certain goal that must be fulfilled ie where you don't feel performance pressure? Doing something just for myself, even if it would be regarded as 'killing time' helped me defog my brain.

It great that you're life finally to a fulfilling point. When I spoke to a psychologist she wasn't specifically an ASD specialist but she was understanding and fairly well versed. CBT does absolutely nothing for me so she didn't even offer it.

The what if question is more to my mental clarity, I used to have almost total recall and my thought process wasn't heavily clouded as it is now. Occasionally I get flashes of that clarity and it's so frustrating when it slips away.

I was considering doing an OU degree but I currently can focus long enough to read a few pages of text.

Hopefully the new meds will allow me to sleep and the fog may thin to a degree.

Hi,

about the counselling sessions, was the therapist sufficiently trained in Autism? A lot, if not all counsellors that I had were marvellous in CBT, but for someone on the spectrum CBT can actually do more harm than good because it just enforces the masking rather than helps the person embrace their neurodivergence.

My burnout which always manifested at work came gradually, looking back. For me, Autistic burnout was more likely to happen at work because it is where I had to mask the most while being exposed to the most triggers, and at the same time I couldn't just walk away - I knew that if I did that one time too often I'd be handed the P60. I had the first flare up in 2005, then a few years later, until there were two major ones in 2013, 2016 and finally 2018. I then decided to quit, knowing that it was either my job or my mental health and ultimately my life. Since then I have been out of work, or nicely put early retired.

Please never think in terms of 'I could do so much more if...' This is your goodwill and frustration speaking of wanting to give to the world as much as you can. Equally, listen to yourself of how much you are able to give before your Autistic mind and body says 'this is all you can give. Now stop comparing yourself and take a break. You need it.'

I was able to go into early retirement because circumstances had changed. I had got my divorce and the agreement literally skinned me of all my belongings (needless to say my ex-wife was interested in her economic security and not a bit in my mental struggles) , but I had met a wonderful lady who fully understood my limitations and was able to support both of us financially. I am now a householder, running the home full-time. It's a bit like traditional gender roles reversed, but it works for both of us. I am still busy and productive, and I am receiving the emotional and mental support and understanding. 

1974 was a great year obviously! Sounds like we're in the same boat, hope everything goes ok for you and have a great 50th!

Sounds like a good plan. Good luck 

Recently diagnosed myself a few months before the big 50, and my counsellor (for my depression) and my GP have both read my diagnosis letter and have said that up until the age of 30 I suffered TRAUMA. Since my diagnosis, and current pre diagnosis of ADHD (it looks like I am a strong candidate for that as well) It's been more about trying to understand my triggers and deal with the unlocking of my emotions, which I had previously suppressed. I came on here to maybe find someone or some group to help me to understand my triggers and how to deal with them in every day life. 

In fact in the days after my diagnosis I had my first hypersensitive moment (that I am aware of) to the point I could feel the finger prints on the tips of my fingers, and every hair stood on end. It took me several days to come to terms with it and so I don't wish to have to spend days dealing with new sensations. 

The only medication I am on at the moment is anti depressants, and my GP has promised to sit down with me and discuss what medication I will have to take after the ADHD diagnosis. I'm 50 in a couple of months and I'm now having to learn to deal with stuff that I should have learned as a Kid. But I have been shown a couple of things to help me. First is I have spent all my life hiding my "weird" so people would like me. Now I need to learn to embrace my "weird" and make friends with the people who stay. And the other one is that for 49 years I have worn a mask to cover up the real me. Now I need to remove that mask, find out the real me, like my newly found self, and then show it to the world. 

Hi, I had several counselling sessions last year, initially it started as an exploration of my low mood and my other difficulties. After a couple of sessions it became about the elephant in the room and a huge rambling examination of what my autism is to me.

I think that I managed fairly well up until the floor fell out about 8 years ago, this I think was some form of burn out, I've never really gone back to "normal".

Every day is a challenge but I just hang in there. 

I keep thinking that I could do so much more if only I can clear my head permanently, I have flashes of clarity which makes it worse as I know it's there.(If that makes sense)

Other than my wife and kids I don't have anyone which is difficult to admit as I have parents and 2 sisters.

Occasionally the mask slips and I just go "dark' and quiet which work colleagues find disconcerting.

Receiving your official diagnosis after such a long period of uncertainty must have brought relief. It's powerful to hear how this acknowledgment allowed you to drop the exhausting mask of autism you had been wearing. Embracing your true self without the fear of judgment or the need to conform is a significant step forward. self-acceptance and authenticity are important.

so true

this is good

i hear you ... I was also diagnosed at 50,  that fatigue sounds like burnout from masking - I have still not recovered from burnout a few years ago ... menopause, marriage and family breaking up, emigration etc all at once - I really REALLY hear you.  Less responsibility and more rest is helping me - also going to mental health centre once a week when I can... learning new arty things - and for me, staying away from situations where I have to mask.

Hi Hergé, 

I received my 'official' aka clinical diagnosis for being on the spectrum last June, just a few weeks short of my 50th birthday. In short, did it change my life or who I was? The one thing that finally came to rest was feeling mentally torn - between strongly believing that I was on the spectrum (I been 'passing' the AQ-10 and ASQ with whopping results for over 10 years) and having proof to the world - including myself - that I wasn't mentally crazy, seeking attention, making it all up or wasn't putting enough effort in just pulling myself together like 'every other person'. There was closure. And that was practically all that those 4 hours of assessment did.

The world around me didn't change. People did not suddenly take a difference approach on me. The damage of not having a formal diagnosis had already been done, as the symptoms of crashing out of the job world had already started about 19 years ago and the last straw for me came in 2018. PIP assessors cannot put themselves in my shoes to understand that Autistic shutdowns and meltdowns are as physically incapacitating as Multiple Sclerosis. You are able enough to live but disabled enough not to have a life.

Maybe there was one thing that did change for me. And that was to say sayonara to Autistic masking. Having a diagnosis empowered me to say 'I have Autism. I am not making this all up. I finally have proof. And if you disagree, then you're wrong and discriminating me, and I am right.' I am however able to do so because I have few people left in my life whose toes I could step on, so those who are left accept me faults and all. Those are also the people who could see that I was on the spectrum, irrespective of whether a guy from the NHS had typed that into my medical file or not.

Maybe what you are describing as fatigue is what can come with the realisation of being on the spectrum - the question of 'so what comes next?'  My 2 cents are, for those who accept you for who you are, they have already figured, and nothing will change. For those who you have been masking all the time it's an entirely different story. Will your unfiltered autistic traits and behaviours be tolerated? Can they only accept you if you keep that mask on and argue 'it's been working for so long (don't you sometimes wish to punch them in the face just for uttering that rude throwaway line) why is it changing now of a sudden?' 

I think you will benefit from a session of counselling that helps you explore all the events and circumstances that have shaped the you that you are. To me, my Autism has impacted me in a way that I allowed the world - and others - to shape me rather than that I shaped myself, because - and this is brutally honest - the world didn't like me (and from all people on the spectrum that I have met in my life) or Autistic people in general for who we are.     

Hi, thanks. I do try to meditate and do breathing exercises. I find it very difficult to quiet my mind. I've gotten in the "zone" a couple of times but it's a rarity.

Add another to the collection 

Hi 

I am 49 and soon to be 50, I’m undiagnosed as of yet but seeking that in the future. Totally relate to your experiences. I frequently ask myself how the hell did I get this far without realising and who am I? 
This is all work in progress and being around this forum has given me a lot of realisations and explanations.

I love this place and feel like I fit in here. 
I too am married and have 2 children and work for myself. 
Sorry to hear you are struggling with sleep, I sometimes have my moments but can’t complain too much. 
Have you tried meditation at all? This is part of my daily routine now and can’t manage without it. I must admit I was sceptical at first but am now a true believer.

I hope you can get your sleep back on track.

Good luck

Wow, all the replies to this , seems like we're not alone, I was diagnosed in Feb, in 50 I'm September, seems so common to get diagnosed this stage in life after finding it all came crashing down as some kind of breakdown (later finding out it was a burnout)

Similar circumstances for me, got a really good job, amazing wife and kids, dog etc. too. Life always seemed harder for me in most ways, but I've battled through the days. I'm now Just finding it's hard to know who I really am and will that person be the one my wife loves and has loved for 26 years, will that "me" be able to do my job, or do I have to keep on masking, which I'm struggling to do now.  ive masked for most of my life , now I know it's autism, I feel like I need to stop but daren't as I'll undo all the good things I've got.

Scared to death if I'm honest.

Thanks, since lockdown any pretence of enjoying social gatherings went out the window.

I have my own little world and I'm reasonably content in it. I think I hit a period of burnout around 8 years ago, I don't think I ever fully recovered.

I love nature and wildlife which is handy as I live in a very green and leafy area.

I think I need to be kind to myself and try to let the scared little boy out of the shadows.

Hi Hergé

If you work full time and have kids and dogs, no wonder you are struggling, but I hope you take comfort in the fact that you are not alone.

I was early 50s when I discovered I was on the spectrum, and had exactly the same question about who I really was.

It was a period of adjusting, doing a lot of research and learning about and starting to understand myself. Some years later I'm much better adjusted but still learning.

The first thing is to be kind to yourself and look after yourself. Don't agree to go to any social events you might find difficult. Set some time each day or at least each week to have "you time",  to follow your special interest, learn more about autism, just chill out in nature - whatever absorbs you. You must be careful to avoid burnout.

Keep reading posts on here and asking questions - it really helped me in the beginning.

I am on risperidone and duloxetine, and zopiclone. Plus pain meds for fibromyalgia

Good morning, I am 54 next month and received late diagnosis of autism 6 weeks ago.  Since entering the menopause I had a huge mental breakdown, I personally think it's the biggest one I've ever had. I'm having to re evaluate all my friendships, family, and past life experience.  It's totally destroyed everything apart from my marriage to the best man on the planet.  I feel like I have been left in the lurch by adult mental health who asked for autism and ADHD tests to be done. I've struggled to find out help .  But I actually feel like I'm looking forward to the future for the first time in my life