Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
Do you you are one small disaster away from the illusion of normality coming crashing down.
I was diagnosed at the age of 50 after decades of being "a square peg". Initially it was a relief as it explained so much of what I was or wasn't feeling. Now I'm presented with the question of " who the f@#k am I" as my true persona maybe isn't what I show to the world or myself.
I'm married, have kids and dogs, I work full time and feel I'm living in an artificial reality as it seems to be all an act.
Maybe it's because I'm really not sleeping well and the fatigue is catching up.
I was given trazodon to help my sleep but it seemed to increased my anxiety and ruin my already poor sleep pattern.
Now I'm being prescribed a low dose antipsychotic as well as a SSRI to see if this helps.
I find this is mildly terrifying.
Wow, all the replies to this , seems like we're not alone, I was diagnosed in Feb, in 50 I'm September, seems so common to get diagnosed this stage in life after finding it all came crashing down as some kind of breakdown (later finding out it was a burnout)
Similar circumstances for me, got a really good job, amazing wife and kids, dog etc. too. Life always seemed harder for me in most ways, but I've battled through the days. I'm now Just finding it's hard to know who I really am and will that person be the one my wife loves and has loved for 26 years, will that "me" be able to do my job, or do I have to keep on masking, which I'm struggling to do now. ive masked for most of my life , now I know it's autism, I feel like I need to stop but daren't as I'll undo all the good things I've got.
Scared to death if I'm honest.