Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
Do you you are one small disaster away from the illusion of normality coming crashing down.
I was diagnosed at the age of 50 after decades of being "a square peg". Initially it was a relief as it explained so much of what I was or wasn't feeling. Now I'm presented with the question of " who the f@#k am I" as my true persona maybe isn't what I show to the world or myself.
I'm married, have kids and dogs, I work full time and feel I'm living in an artificial reality as it seems to be all an act.
Maybe it's because I'm really not sleeping well and the fatigue is catching up.
I was given trazodon to help my sleep but it seemed to increased my anxiety and ruin my already poor sleep pattern.
Now I'm being prescribed a low dose antipsychotic as well as a SSRI to see if this helps.
I find this is mildly terrifying.
Recently diagnosed myself a few months before the big 50, and my counsellor (for my depression) and my GP have both read my diagnosis letter and have said that up until the age of 30 I suffered TRAUMA. Since my diagnosis, and current pre diagnosis of ADHD (it looks like I am a strong candidate for that as well) It's been more about trying to understand my triggers and deal with the unlocking of my emotions, which I had previously suppressed. I came on here to maybe find someone or some group to help me to understand my triggers and how to deal with them in every day life.
In fact in the days after my diagnosis I had my first hypersensitive moment (that I am aware of) to the point I could feel the finger prints on the tips of my fingers, and every hair stood on end. It took me several days to come to terms with it and so I don't wish to have to spend days dealing with new sensations.
The only medication I am on at the moment is anti depressants, and my GP has promised to sit down with me and discuss what medication I will have to take after the ADHD diagnosis. I'm 50 in a couple of months and I'm now having to learn to deal with stuff that I should have learned as a Kid. But I have been shown a couple of things to help me. First is I have spent all my life hiding my "weird" so people would like me. Now I need to learn to embrace my "weird" and make friends with the people who stay. And the other one is that for 49 years I have worn a mask to cover up the real me. Now I need to remove that mask, find out the real me, like my newly found self, and then show it to the world.
1974 was a great year obviously! Sounds like we're in the same boat, hope everything goes ok for you and have a great 50th!