Overwhelm, fatigue and acceptance

This happens to me as well. I find myself feeling absolutely exhausted, sometimes after doing the smallest thing imaginable, like brushing my teeth or going to the little shop. As others have said I think it has a lot to do with how hard our brains are working to process everything that's going on. It's no small feat and it's bound to affect us.

It used to get me down being like this as I'm almost 19 but now I'm kinder to myself. I celebrate the little victories like doing the washing up and going outside. Sometimes you can only manage a few things or one thing, and that's absolutely fine, everything you do is a victory and something to be proud of yourself for doing whether it's big or small.

Take each day as it comes. X

My biggest issue is inability to stay awake in the evenings, so I find that light later in the day helps the most. If I'm in the library which has nice bright fluorescent lighting I can sometimes stay alert even after the sun goes down, and that's the kind of lighting I would install if I wasn't renting. I'm already wide awake and ready to jump out of bed in the mornings, often as early as 3 or 4 am. I had a light box like that one, but you had to be so close to it to get any brightness that I didn't find it very helpful, and now it's developed a flicker. I've bought a 5,000 lumen (lux = 1 lumen per sq m) floodlight that throws out light throughout my living room and am considering getting a couple more if I can work out where to put them.

To get the benefit of light in the morning they recommend that it’s sunlight. Even dim sunlight is apparently much brighter than any home lighting.

I’ll make an effort to get sunlight when the mornings brighten up but in the meantime I bought this 10,000 lux lamp, which is staggeringly bright:

www.amazon.co.uk/.../B073P2WNDS

I have improved the lighting at home and it helps but I'd still like it to be brighter. It's still practically dark compared to summer when the sun is streaming through the windows. I miss that.

Autonomistic said:

I also often feel the need to lie on the floor, but i dont always follow this through for obvious reasons, but i lay on the bed instead.

Just chipping in but I too love to lie down on the floor (preferably a hard tiled floor) I feel like the weight kind of regulates my breath if that makes sense? 

Amerantin (former member) said:

Everything I've read suggests that the best way to combat autistic burnout is to immerse ourselves in our special interests

That makes a lot of sense - I'm feeling a lot of burnout from work and got signed off for a chunk of December; spent what could be described as an unhealthy amount of time playing Let's Build a Zoo, which is essentially about putting things into a nice structure and pattern which I found that incredibly calming - something to do with feeling in control, I think.

Was interesting to see from my Garmin data that my heart rate often dropped to below what it does when I'm asleep!

Do you think its the realisation/finding out that we are autistic that almost provides some relief, and do we then stop pushing ourselves so much? Its not a conscious choice of mine, but i seem to have just stopped pushing myself, like an acceptance thing. Maybe we are fraid a little by our mid fifties? We likely have had to work twice as hard to achieve what we have in comparison to someone who is not autistic. Also the phrases be kind to yourself, be gentle with yourself, maybe we taking more notice. All that battling has taken its toll? 

Amerantin (former member) said:

Everything I've read suggests that the best way to combat autistic burnout is to immerse ourselves in our special interests but this is something I let go of back in 2021 so I need to reintroduce

Thats helpful. 

Sometimes i dont know what im supposed to do, so i have just been muddling through. My life has lost structure, but does that really matter after 40 years of hard work? X

It's also common for some of us in our 20's  I think it's a common occurrence for most of us with autism... We have so much to deal with and process with little support out there. It's no wonder we're all exhausted. Most days I'm spending in bed at the moment, I have no energy and with the anxiety as well it's all taking its toll.

Keep your chin up. You're doing really well and you certainly ain't alone in being this way.

Andrew Huberman’s podcast is brilliant for understanding the things that affect our sleep. This one’s a bit long but there’s a short chapter on light about 16 minutes in:

https://youtu.be/h2aWYjSA1Jc?feature=shared 

I am finding this post interesting. Since working out I was autistic during the pandemic and then reaching 60 I have realized how much my energy has reduced. I have very little left when I am not working. I only work 4 days and trying to manage the time with breaks, but my job is becoming more pressurized and some days wish retirement would come soon. 

I am also interested in the comments about light as I find a day with some sunshine is so much better and even more so if I get a walk in the sun.

Good point, i will get my sad lamp out x

I got myself a very bright sun lamp for this very reason. Apparently our brains are wired to receive 15-30 minutes of sunlight first thing the morning and that helps keep our sleep cycle correct. But I don't think I've seen the sun since October...

I don't know about you but today the weather is making me tired. It hasn't gotten fully light all day. I've just woken up from a nap.

I am the same at only 41 years old.

NAS91003 said:

even though I feel massively guilty for not achieving anything in those unproductive times.

Absolutely. It makes me feel like a fraud or like I just don't measure up to other staff.

Perhaps we're being too hard on ourselves. It's a classic autistm/ADHD mode of working and if our employers are getting the results they need we shouldn't feel guilty about it.  Easier said than done...

That's really interesting to hear because that's exactly how I feel - I procrastinate a *lot*.  But then give me a spreadsheet-based task and I can power through for hours, achieving in an hour what takes some people a whole day, and I get told that I'm doing well, even though I feel massively guilty for not achieving anything in those unproductive times.

I'm trying to be more conscious of that going forward - putting in breaks / walks in my diary as well as focus time, but - as expected - my times for being hyperproductive / unproductive don't appear to like being scheduled.

Tulip52 said:

I also often feel the need to lie on the floor,

Interesting that you should say this. I also get this urge, and living alone i do often indulge it.

I had a terrible CBT therapist at the beginning of last year. When I told her about it she basically acted like i was a nutter or making it up.

Tulip52 said:

I have recognised that i rock my feet and tap my shoulder whilst i am resting. This would be stimming i assume?

Yes.

Tulip52 said:

I also often feel the need to lie on the floor, but i dont always follow this through for obvious reasons, but i lay on the bed instead.

That sounds like a need for pressure to regulate, in a similar way to how some autistic people find weighted blankets helpful. I remember at my post diagnostic session one of the tips for self regulation is to press your back against a wall. That may be a useful quick fix when lying on the floor isn't an option.

Tulip52 said:

At 59, are these "symptoms" a sign that i really do need to take nitice and retreat more

I would say yes absolutely listen to your body and take notice of what it is communicating.

Yes, I've had a similar career journey and am now as senior as it's really possible to be in the UK part of the company. I was previously a senior manager, which I actually enjoyed and think I was quite good at, because it was largely about supporting other people. But at my last promotion i switched back to a more technical role, but technical roles at this level are, as you say, very abstract. The problem space is wide open with a million possible solutions and that's where my procrastination kicks in massively. So i tend to be very unproductive 85% of the time and hyperproductive 15% of the time. It appears to be enough to get the result my company wants - they seem happy - but it's incredibly stressful for me.

I used to work long hours but now I'm mostly sticking to my 37.5 hours. I didn't know i was autistic until around six months ago but I suffered a series of life setbacks in 2021 and my immediate work colleagues have been supportive and understanding. I'm now slowly working on what autism means for me in a work context and what i can do to make things better.

But it's not just about work. Everything I've read suggests that the best way to combat autistic burnout is to immerse ourselves in our special interests but this is something I let go of back in 2021 so I need to reintroduce that to my life.