My crush or friend

Hey! I am really into sociology. Probably because I was trying to figure things out. Anyway, I can share some cues and ways to approach if you want. I will need to know if the people you are referring to are typical or on the spectrum.

I would just be giving tips from what I've learned and then you could see if they benefit you. I am not the ultimate source on this topic.

Yes, one has to face reality and sometimes, move on to pastures new.  I've been there myself and I could tell you how it's affected me after all these years.  If you purchase a copy of my publication, 'My Life with Autism,' you would find the challenges that I had to face besides the tough period of adolescence.

I'm going to agree with the majority of people. If I was you I would calm it down for a few weeks and let her chase you. If she's interested she will come running to you and you can discuss a relationship, otherwise it may have just been a one time thing.

It can be confusing in these situations and even people who have experience in this sort of thing don't 100% know what to do.

Sounds like it would be best to leave her alone and focus on other interests.

Just enjoy doing other things, make friends if you can with people and if something romantic happens, it happens. Enjoy being you without needing anyone else first.

I hope that things will eventually work out for you in the long run.

Except it entirely unclear if that’s because he’s trying to force people to kiss him who don’t want to, which is what I think you are assuming. and  the alternative which is he is expressing an interest in kissing, and the club in question is so concerned about being accused of allowing so-called predatory behaviour that they are infantilising him and telling him that this sort of thing is not acceptable for him. This is more or less what I am assuming.

’trying to kiss girls,’ could very easily be something like saying things like, ‘you are very pretty I would like to kiss you if that’s ok.’ While I appreciate it might make some people uncomfortable if it came out of the blue, that is hardly the Titanic crisis you seem to think it is.

relationships are almost 100% grey areas. If you want autistic people to avoid grey areas or always err on the side of caution, that’s basically the same thing as saying autistic people don’t get to have relationships.

I will follow your advice and also I will find other clubs I can go to where I can meet new girls.

I will always talk to girls before I kiss them to get consent and make them more comfortable.

I will always remember your advice and to follow it.

Thanks,

I understand kissing isn't appropriate in the clubs. The thing is I'm desperate for a relationship and kisses at the moment.

I will find another club and move away from this girl and find a new one.

I can imagine how you feel and that moving on is easier said than done.  The best advice I can give is to find other clubs where you can get more joy and, with female contacts responding better.  Even at my age, I continue liked, being corseted (fussed) by female contacts.  When I went through a very depressive period, I went back to a club attended before.  I felt that I was made welcome.

Sometimes however, you need to talk to them before making any physical contact such as hugging and kissing so that when you do, they'll feel more comfortable.  Unfortunately, I cannot give too much away myself, yet exploring avenues is worth a try despite the crush you have, making you feel uncomfortable.

I hope that you can follow my advice and as a member of this forum, I should receive notification of your replies where I remain happy to respond back.

Did you read his post? He ‘keeps’ getting in trouble for trying to kiss girls. This is an issue. I’ve simplified things so he understands what IS and ISN’T appropriate. We are all on different areas of the spectrum and some of us can’t navigate the grey areas very well. If he doesn’t know he can’t kiss who he wants, he doesn’t realise the signs of being in a relationship….

Lets be blunt. The odds are she will never change her mind and want to date you. But any chance there is of that is reduced by you chasing her or otherwise showing her lots of attention. In all probability she thinks of you as a friend. Otherwise I can't see why she would proactively contact you to make small talk after the drama of her turning you down. The only way she might reconsider you as a romantic interest, and I emphasise the word 'might' here, is if it becomes clear she can't have you as just a friend.

on top of that you two trying to 'just be friends' isn't working because deep down you don't want to just be friends and you can't keep your feelings bottled up. So stop being friendly. Ignore her a bit more. The result will either be

• She decides actually her feelings of missing you amount to more than missing a friend or
• You move on and find another girl.

Personally I think the latter is more likely.

I won't give up. I just need to be patient.

No offence but that’s not entirely true. There are plenty of people who aren’t in relationships and aren’t dating who are happy to kiss each other and do a hell of a lot more than kissing.

let’s not confuse this guy by trying to oversimplify things. we don’t want to come across as patronising and I’m sure he is aware that the world doesn’t work that way, physical relationships are more nuanced than you’ve just presented them.

also meeting people alone frequently doesn’t equate to dating. otherwise I’d be dating my brother.

 Before you kiss anyone, you need to make sure that you are in a relationship or dating.
You will know this by how many times you meet with just the two of you.

She will tell you how much she likes you, and she will ask to see you again, or suggest more dates. When you get to this point, you can ask for a kiss. If she says no, respect that. Even if you are dating, she can still say no.

That's unfortunate that she's not as interested as you are but there's plenty of other girls out there who will be interested so don't give up. Sometimes it just takes a while to find the right person.

Don't give up. You'll find the perfect person for you. 

I texted her if she needs space today and she said 'yes'. It seems like she isn't my friend, just an acquaintance to me. I think you're right in refusing to talk to her because I will only just damage the friendship by being romantic.

nothing wrong with that. 

From where I'm standing it looks like this girl rejects you when you make romantic advances to her. But gets back in touch when you leave her alone. She's friend zoned you. That's my interpretation. She's lonely and 'values you as a friend.' But doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with you.

If you can't handle being just friends, (and it seems like you can't.) Just plane refusing to talk to her might be the best move. Let me explain why.

• If you are not hanging around her or chasing her other girls may show more interest in you.
• If there is any chance the way she thinks of you (as a friend) will ever change it'll only happen by being deprived of your friendship long enough for her way of thinking about you to change.
• You are probably causing yourself a lot of turmoil and heart ache by talking to her but not expressing your romantic feelings.
• By talking to her you are only renforcing your romantic feelings for her which she doesn't have for you.
• If you spend less time talking to her you might notice other girls you like.

The thing is I love kisses