Is it just me or does it have to do with being autistic?

From extensive reading, yoga, even church retreats, this is a normal human experience. Learning to receive gracefully IS an art. Learning to politely refuse, also an art. But also learning to evaluate who we allow to give to us is just as crucial.

In order to grow, we need to learn to give. It also curates a sense of purpose. Refusing a kind gesture can even cause another to feel pointless. So there's something in both actions of the exchange.

However, the social systems around us can use gifting as a way of creating a debt. The Freudian Neurotic / NeuroTypical social hierarchies are built around this, so for an autistic who doesn't always see the illusion, but can't help but see past it, it could be natural to not want to fall into this trap. But it's not everyone.

Genuine giving should cost us a little, but it can also be rewarding and create community and investment. 

I always thought it was because being a young kid I was taught I was deficient a "hopeless child", so I didn't want to ask for help in case in reinforced that idea in peopels heads even when I really needed help. If I had broken my leg a mile from home I would jave elected to crawl back rather than ask a passer by for assistance.

ofc I have better self esteem as an adult so it doesn't apply any more. At least not in the same way. As an adult I won't let anybody take over or butt-in on a task I know I could do with time and patience, I don't like being patronised to regarding people making assumptions about what I can and cannot do.

That point too adds to why I don't ask for help as often. I actually dislike the "scratch my back so I'd scratch yours " thing. It feels like a manipulative game to me

This is a classic issue for autists - society has an unspoken rule of quid pro quo - or "something given or received for something else".

It isn't a universal rule and the autistic lack of understanding when this should apply is why we struggle with it.

It may be best to assume that if you ask for something that there will be some price to pay for it.

Sometimes they ask me to do something that I don't want to do and they are like "how come we do this and that for you and you don't do this for me?". I'm like "I'm not doing it because I don't want to!

You asked someone to spend time, effort and possibly some cost to themselves. Is it not fair to expect reciprocation?

If not, why not walk into a shop and take something you want and just walk out, saying "I don't want to pay". It is a logical extension of your arguement. The fact you did not understand the implicit agreement is not an arguement as there are also no signs in the shop saying that you must pay for the goods before leaving.

I'm not having a go at you, I'm just unpacking the logic of the arguement to see what the best way to defuse this frustration.

I've spent few months researching on self-esteem, read few books etc. I'm quite confident inability to ask for help or even for clarifications on something - a symptom of low self-esteem.

Also I can see clearly how being autistic might be highly related to low self-esteem (though these are my thoughts only). So I think it's related.

I think for me it is partly pride like you suggest. Also, though, I worry and overthink that I might be being needy or a burden. I even end up apologising at the doctors, dentist or optician that I am taking up their time when there must be other people in greater need.

It is a hard thing to do, asking for help if you are very private as a person. I have appreciated people's help in the past and enjoy helping others when I can. I have found though that people I have helped can be reluctant to help me out.

I ask too many questions lol. But yes, I hate to ask for favours, so I don’t do it

Yeah I hate asking for help, I think it's mostly down to the complex communication it involves and never understand what the other person is going to or say in response, so it triggers all my anxieties. I find it rarely actually improves the situation anyway, people end up answering a different question than what you asked, no matter how specific you are, and if you say 'no, that's not what I wanted' they acted as if you're being a problem because they're trying to help. So it's simpler to not bother asking.

I've also found the things I have to ask for help on are so far removed from what people ask for help on that it causes confusion. I had no idea how I meant to get in a building because there was no real signage, no instructions, and a reception area that was not really joined to where I was going in. I ended up calling my wife who was bemused at how I was stuck to what was her an obvious answer of go to the reception but that building wasn't designed in such a way that was an obvious thing to do (to me). This is my usual experience of asking for help, bemusement that I don't know how to, for example, wash clothes. Yet give me some complex maths and I'm all over it and people can't seem to understand that I find the easy things hard and the hard things easy so they just presume I'm thick if they don't know me, again something I don't want to feed into. 

Yes, I can relate to this as well.

I don’t like people helping me. The only time I needed help was financing a car twice thanks to my grandpa

It's definitely not just you! I've always struggled to ask for help, I'm not sure why, probably because I'm so bad at interacting with others I wouldn't know how to say "please can you help me?". Lol. Whenever I've tried before my brain just shuts down and leaves me to fend for myself looking like a twit. It's also partly independence on my part, I like to try to be as independent as possible but usually I do need people to help me with most things.

That point too adds to why I don't ask for help as often. I actually dislike the "scratch my back so I'd scratch yours " thing. It feels like a manipulative game to me, even tho I know that most people don't use it this way. Still, when I help someone or do something nice, I don't expect anything in return. I do it happily and only when I'm very comfortable with doing it. I'm usually very surprised that people want something in return (not all of them of course). Sometimes they ask me to do something that I don't want to do and they are like "how come we do this and that for you and you don't do this for me?". I'm like "I'm not doing it because I don't want to! The fact that you did me a favour won't pressure me into doing something that I don't like!". I find this situation irritating. It definitely makes me careful about whom to ask for help 

I always assumed I was like this because of all the times I've asked for a favour, someone says it's fine, and then later it turns out they resented having to do it or expected something in return that they didn't specify. I guess being autistic makes it more surprising when that happens, as I can't pick up on whatever hints people think they're dropping.

I'm a pretty private and independent person who likes to be able to do things without help. i never asked for help before, even if i needed it, and i think i still do. i don't think i really ask for help still, but rather I will inform people that im struggling. at which point they empathise, or much better, give advice. if someone else has advised me, that means that's what they would do in my situation, which sort of means it's okay for me to do that without feeling like i have to prove myself? idk. 

i know others experience this, but whether it is an autistic trait idk. 

I don't find it easy to ask for help either... Not sure why. I remember my dad stopped talking to me for few days when I was a teenager because I had a financial trouble and didn't ask him for help. He was deeply sad. I miss him so much. I'm not sure if it's an autistic thing. Maybe I'm just used to not ask for it??. I'm also very private and independent person.. asking for help means that I'll have to explain a lot of details. Also, I do things my way and it's usually not the usual way and I want someone who would just help me do it my way without judgement and do it correctly, perfectly!! Maybe I slowly learned that it's easier to rely on myself..

Yes, I struggle to ask for help as well.  Partly it’s the thought of having to explain myself to others.  I don’t do that well.  If I need to ask something when I am at work, am worried will be thought an idiot. I have to tell myself sometimes that if I don’t ask for help on something, the situation is just going to get worse.  Then I will look an even bigger idiot.