Just been diagnosed at 49

Hi, I'm new here, I've just joined as I was diagnosed with highly functioning autism 3 weeks ago at the age of 47. I'm not surprised but still feel so confused. My psychiatrist hasn't sent the report to my GP yet so I'm sort of in limbo. I have no idea what to look for, what I should know. I also feel a bit of a fraud , maybe I've read too many books and I'm actually neurotypical? Sorry, brain is mushed!!

That’s a shame it must have been hard back in your day to have autism and for nobody to know there was even a name for what you had never mind how to help you. I was undiagnosed autistic all throughout school and I even feel betrayed by the system for not noticing it as well. I was 18 when I got my diagnosis so looking at your story makes me feel lucky I got mines so early compared to 49.

American here.  I've been involved with mental health (MH), complaining over and over for ~13 years maybe??  Anyway, just got diagnosed 2 months ago at 41 only after an autistic friend told me I was autistic, so I sought an assessment for which I paid $900 out of pocket.  When I asked my therapist about it, she indirectly confirmed that she already knew I was autistic.  WTF.  Why did no MH provider tell me straight up?  Is there a cultural rule among NTs that says they can't tell someone they're autistic?

I agree that it sucks.  I wish I would have known.  Things could have been so different.  Whatever.  I may not know where I'm going, but at least I know where I stand now.

I was diagnosed a year ago at the age of 57, still trying to process all the negative experiences due to being undiagnosed. At school when I was 15 someone asked me what I was going to be when I was older, a social outcast?. I was verbally abused by a partner, bullied at work, have had countless comments and faces pulled at me in social situations. Also have been taken advantage of due to my kind nature and my willingness to help people. The diagnosis has helped me to make sense of it all, but it just means that I try to avoid interacting with people as much as I can, apart from working for a disability confident employer where I feel supported. I've had 7 sessions of 2 hours each of post diagnostic support, that has now finished. There definitely needs to be more training in autism awareness so that we feel more understood and supported as we go about our daily lives.

I feel your pain Golom, like you and probably many others here, I was bullied at school and in some work situations and also by romantic partners and family members. My autism and ADHD has also been missed by professionals, but to be fair autism wasn't really know about when we were at school (I'm 45 BTW) so I'm not surprised it was missed and as Dawn said, a subtle presentation is unlikely to be picked up on. They did say I was probably dyslexic but they were not prepared to get me tested as it cost too much, just gave me 6 sessions of handwriting remediation classes which resulted in even more bullying!

The NHS is woefully lacking in anything to do with neurodivergence or mental health. I tried a few years ago to get assessed but it was rejected as apparently my medical notes from childhood didn't say I was autistic (well duh of course they didn't because it was the 80's and I wasn't assessed for autism when I was a child!). I'm currently in the process of trying to get assessed again, we shall see how far I get this time. It is a sad fact that there is a virtual desert as far as post diagnosis help is concerned both through the NHS and privately, thank goodness for spaces like this forum and the awesome folk that hang out here.

The positive here is that you have been diagnosed and you now have the opportunity to see all of those experiences in your life through a different lens, make peace with it, make adjustments to your current situation and live a happier and more fulfilled life.

Congratulations on your diagnosis.

No, that stuff isn't fair. The NHS, whether general or mental health are STILL woefully ignorant about autism today. When we were the bullied kids, there was an excuse; not much was known about the subtle presentation esp in women. Today there is none. Staff have just not been trained.

I don't blame untrained and ignorant staff, I blame the system that did not invest in their training in light of research.

None of that will feel like much comfort to you, but I hope in time you will find that there is life enough for you yet to embrace and love your autistic self and stuff that label "stupid" where it belongs; down the toilet and flush hard.

I'm late 40s.  10 or so years ago i tried to get assessed. Was sent to a psychiatrist who incorrectly said no. offered no alternate diagnosis or route to help.  I gave up on socializing completely thinking that I was just too 'broken'. I have no IRL friends or partner.  Have found the autistic channels on youtube and it spurred a whole load of research ... I have been referred again but it is 18 months or more still on the wait list.   I basically lost 10 years of lif due to an incompetent psychiatrist.  I am definitely autistic ... maybe this time around i will get to see someone competent.  I am certainly better prepared thanks to online resources (like this one!).

You are not alone, I am 53 and reciently diagnosed. I was bullied alot as a kid so I tended to like adult company more. Thing was ASD was not known about in the 70's and 80's, we could not be diagnosed as children. For me not being disruptive at school I was ignored and I was a very average pupil but had learning difficulties with Maths.  That ment I was in the worse class for that which was where my bullies were. I did ok when I started work but things have been more difficult as I have got older.

Rob

Hi Golom, I'm 45 and was diagnosed a few months ago, after my diagnosis I was sad and felt like so many systems had failed me - similar to how you describe feeling. I felt that so many people along my life had let me down, because they didn't spot it. Teachers, Doctors, family.  

I was also (over time) relieved to learn there was a reason for why I always felt different and just wasn't like others. I'm grateful that I have the chance to see my life through new lens now, to understand myself better, to be easier on myself - so many people of our age go through their entire lives never knowing. They never get the chance to know.  

There is a process of grieving - because we were failed.  You're not alone in that.   I feel that the rest of my life has a chance to be different now, now that I know.  

Welcome to this chat, you'll find your people here.