The things that have helped you most?

Thanks! I must admit though, this is something I was taught about by users on here when I first joined. Someone told me about ‘Spoon Theory’ for the first time on here and I have worked with this in mind this ever since. I’ve still got work to do in this area (the saying no part) but progress is being made everyday.

This website helps because I have discovered that other people share my problems and I'm not alone.

"A bee swarm" is somehow less pleasing to read (for me) than a swarm of bees....

I wonder why that is?

I'm so glad you posted this.  It's made me think about what does help me and that at the moment I don't seem to be able to 'focus' on anything I'm just jumping around everything for short burst but can not settle, think I'm in a shut down

Usually things that make me comfortable.

Music - usually 80's stuff but I enjoy just about every type of music

Crochet - I need to keep my hands and mind occupied

Reading - romance - fiction - detectives - thrillers

Gardening - which at the moment because it's so cold its a no go 

Being out walking with hubby (wonderful human) and our dog - see my profile piccie

Movies - again just something to switch off my mind

I think of all the lists I'm reading, your item number 6 may just be one of the best I've read, it makes so much sense.

I Sperg said:

When their governments then decided to smash up their previous societal model based on productivity and invention and the nuclear family unit, with one based on abitrary and ever changing rules where the only constant is the never ending attack on all that was considered good & wholesome before.

We have had thousands of years of human history now, and there have been many prophets, gurus and seers along the way who have taken a really, really good stab at whomping up a framework for how humans should live, and the routes to self destructions and mayhem are clearly signposted now, yet thus of us who sin, (or violate those common sense precepts in some way, if you prefer) still loudly insist on or right to do it openly, and ignore the rights of others to not be exposed to our weakness.

We now take PRIDE in our violations of commonsense, time held traditions and morality.

I Sperg said:

Should kindergarten kids be shown how to twerk, weild a firearm  or pack a bong? Really? 

This is a really hyperbolic and unhelpful response, you really didn't need to say all that just to say you hate mainstream societal progress.

I'd ask Who this "their governments" are and for an actualy working example of how they  "smash up their previous societal model" but this is really off topic to the discussion about what helps people individually as autists. Making the jump from a respectful aknowledgement of religious difference affecting our personal upbringing  between me and IrishInManchester to inserting a political slant is just going to derail this thread and feels like it's done in bad faith.

You're welcome to DM me (my DMs are open) what you really think but out of respect for  JT  I'm not going to discuss this with you further on this thread.

Drugs. It's gotta be.

Cannabis in particular.

It helps me take my time before reacting, makes me more considerate of wider issues and dulls the pain. 

I was always struck by the expression "Give me the child and I will show you the man". 

Children are essentially trainable and malleable up to a certain age, when they start moving towards being capable of making their own decisions.

"Parenting, is simply too important to be left to the likes of you and me", is how some people interpreted that, so we got schools, in order to train our children to take their place in society.

The problem with that approach is that "education" was hijacked to instead of producing rounded individuals to produce COMPLIANT individuals, incapable of effectively resisting authority, or standing up for themselves.

When their governments then decided to smash up their previous societal model based on productivity and invention and the nuclear family unit, with one based on abitrary and ever changing rules where the only constant is the never ending attack on all that was considered good & wholesome before.

We have had thousands of years of human history now, and there have been many prophets, gurus and seers along the way who have taken a really, really good stab at whomping up a framework for how humans should live, and the routes to self destructions and mayhem are clearly signposted now, yet thus of us who sin, (or violate those common sense precepts in some way, if you prefer) still loudly insist on or right to do it openly, and ignore the rights of others to not be exposed to our weakness.

We now take PRIDE in our violations of commonsense, time held traditions and morality.

Some of us will see this as a thinly veiled attack on their special interests community, when it genuinely isn't. I am making a plea that those of us who live at the edge of the bellcurve accept our position and don't feel we have the right to indoctrinate children into our niche view of the world.

I walked the walk. In variance to all the other pot smoking parents I know, (especially those who so virtuously turned their back on the stuff) my kid doesn't take drugs.

Should kindergarten kids be shown how to twerk, weild a firearm  or pack a bong? Really? 

It's an interesting observation.

But I still feel a controlled exposure at age appropriate intervals to various internet phenomenon is the way to go tbh, you can't just open the flood gates at an arbirary age and expect young people to cope with the innevitable culture shock that will occur from being rapidly exposed to things they haven't beeen coached and prepared for. This is why sex education in schools has been key to reducing teen pregnancies and std transmission. Because it's not that all these things never happened before, the paradox of the internet just means we hear about it more, but it was always going on. Kids might have mental health issues as a result of the internet but that never stopped teens becoming mentally ill before the internet, I recall there was a school shooting not far from here in the late 80's, and the reason that was cited behind it was pyschological damage from isolation from peers. And I don't think keeping kids entirely away from activities their modern peers consider vital until they are adults to be good for either their sense of community wellbeing or social development with wider society.
I respect you are very religious, and probably the religion at least provides some form of community for the kids in it, but outside of certain religious groups with an active support network, for other faiths or even just atheists I don't see how it would work.

My teddy bears (I have 40 in my queen sized bed, including my best friend Paddington), my music with noise cancelling headphones, the most calming of which is sacred music in Latin from Monks and Nuns - being a devout traditional Irish Catholic, I never leave the house without my Rosary, as I’ll go out to a quiet park to pray and I have 10 pairs of Rosary Beads at home - I always have a picture of Our Lady of Lourdes to hand and I have a fridge magnet of Padre Pio, along with bottles of Holy Water everywhere - praying the Rosary in Latin and attending the Traditional Sunday Mass in Latin here in Manchester is also very important, as is my friendship with my late Dad’s former employers, the Poor Clare Nuns in Dublin, where I’ll always visit their monastery when I come home to Ireland 

I’d even be concerned about allowing any 16-18 year olds anywhere near the internet/mobile phones these days compared to how it was even in Y2K (the year 2000) as I’ve come to realise that a child is a child until they are 21 for everything - below that age, parents must educate themselves and thier children on the inherent dangers of science and tech “advances” as well as social media etc, as the changes brought about by Covid has taught us all about so many things - I’m also seeing a rise in parents choosing to homeschool thier children which I hear a lot about because of my 30 years previous experience in supermarket retailing - religion and tradition aside, the fact that children’s mental health is poorer than in my teens in the 1980’s is hugely concerning and I’ve come to realise that it’s because of these devices, which our grandparents were totally opposed to us kids having at all and they went to great lengths to put a stop to it during my teens in the 1980’s before they passed and it’s mind-blowing that so many of thier warnings and predictions have been consistently proven correct and accurate in our times 

Music is a big thing that helps me, every time I get anxious or in a low mood I pop in my headphones and listen away to music 

It's not a religious or a traditionalist thing for me though. It's purely a mental health thing, and technically these old style forums are a form of social media too it's just the modern platforms are designed to be addictive and influence people and manufacture outrage where none need exist. I'll probably let my son on the internet free-range at 16-18 as that's the age I did and it did me no harm, I already knew who I was by that age and the unqualified opinion of haters online couldn't dent it by that age. I do think modern parents make a mistake letting kids online at 10-13 though, that's when they are most susceptable to bigotry, body image nonsense, predators, and extremist rubbish.

I'm not officially diagnosed yet - hopefully this summer, but here are my things that help me out:

- Reading - especially reading my Kindle, snuggled down in bed in the dark.
- Routine - I always have a special routine on my work days (Mon, Wed, Thurs, Sat and Sun). If I have to go out of my routine, it makes me feel like the whole day has gone wrong. I'm a bit more relaxed on my days off though.
- Speaking to the same people I trust - like my partner, family (most of), friends at work and a few people at the coffee shop next door.
- Being in my own space - my bedroom is my sanctuary. It's where I spend pretty much all day in (on my days off), apart from going into the bathroom and kitchen. 
- My pets - I have 1 cat (Winnie), 1 leopard gecko (Leo), 2 corn snakes (Inca and Selu), 1 dwarf hamster (Minx) and 2 tarantulas (Truffle and Genie).
- My crystals - especially my large Quartz point which goes with me everywhere.
- My toy cat - who is named Molly and goes with me when I go on holiday and occasional hospital appointments.
- My Loop Earplugs - which I use when I am outside in large traffic areas.

Wow - I hadn't realised I depended on so much to be honest. Hope this helps other people understand me a little more.

Mweekie

The one about trains and headphones is important on Transport For Wales and Avanti out of Manchester when one has to change trains at Chester for Holyhead (for the ferry to Dublin) - the announcements on the Irish Rail DART trains and Dublin LUAS trams are even more annoying than the Manchester Metrolink trams and more recently Dublin Bus and Bus Éireann/Transport for Ireland coaches have started these onboard announcements which is so annoying 

The advice about staying off all social media is a good one, especially post-Covid - my younger cousin and her husband , (although non-autistic) are traditional Irish Catholic patriots and have a young family and are determined to raise them in the traditional way, as our grandparents would have done in my home County in Rural Ireland - the eldest of 3 is 10 now and my cousin ditched all of her tech devices and quit her job after her first child was born to become a full time mother despite the financial pressures involved - there is no TV, Internet/broadband, radio, newspapers nor mobile phones at all allowed in the family home, the family, being devout traditional Catholics, pray the Rosary in Latin together as a family daily and attend Traditional Latin Mass as a family every Sunday - the children are all homeschooled, learn all about Irish history and go on pilgrimages to Knock Shrine, Croagh Patrick, Lough Derg and go to the Gaeltacht every summer, so are all fluent Irish Gaelic speakers and are a credit to her, very well behaved, will not be going to university and will enter a trade when they are old enough - they will only be deemed to become adults when they reach the age of 21 and (not) 16 or 18 and they also have daily chores that they must complete before 6pm, as my cousin and her husband want to instill discipline and traditional moral and social values, about which they are totally uncompromising yet correct 

I don't have many coping strategies, so it's good to read other people's, even though I struggle to apply them to the unique points of my own life. I do write (blog) to process my thoughts and feelings and sometime get useful feedback comments from online friends. I need lots of alone time too and am trying to be off the computer/phone more, although it's hard. Listening to music on headphones helps a bit when in crowds or shopping; I'd like to try noise-cancelling ones, although I'm worried about missing important announcements on the Tube, like the one that said my train was suddenly going somewhere completely different the other day (I would be pleased to miss some other Tube announcements, like the frequent "See it, say it, sorted" anti-terrorism announcements). I guess also walking in nature, although I rarely get the chance, and being with my wife (we're still long-distance).

Writing to process my feelings is important to me too, and alone time.

I want to add, as atm I'm finding that I'm not connecting to people with my interests, reaching out to the right people with specific interests. My school friends for example, aren't interested in art, so it's a waste of time trying to engage them here

Love the idea of weights, just need to find some motivation! Time, a simple idea but a profoundly important consideration. Using this forum to explore your emotions is a great note, I find this to help massively