Buying gifts for neurotypical people challenging?

I make lists on my phone notes that I keep there permanently for family and close friends who I’d buy birthday or Christmas gifts for. If they ever mention they like something or I notice they admire something il add it to the list - when I remember to!

I’ve always been absolutely clueless about it. Hitting a wall.

NAS87274 said:

Each person has their own unique tastes and preferences, and it can be a bit overwhelming to find the perfect gift that resonates with them

The thing most autists don't get is that the majority of people don't expect the perfect present that resonates with them. Something nice is most often more than they expected to be honest.

Don't set the bar so high that it causes stress, so instead:

- if they like chocolate then find the brand they eat and get a fancy version of this off Amazon/eBay.

- if they have pet pictures on their desk then get them a mug with the same breed picture on it.

- are they big coffee drinkers then get them some gourmet coffee.

- if their umbrella look battered and a bit broken then get them a nice new one

Simple observation, a few questions to someone who knows them well or, as a last resort, ask them yourself if there is anything they would really like.

It isn't a universal solution the the issue but will catch the majority of the inconvenient present buying situations you may find yourself in.

Each person has their own unique tastes and preferences, and it can be a bit overwhelming to find the perfect gift that resonates with them

Finding the right gifts for neurotypical people can be tricky. It's like trying to accurately guess their preferences and interests. I advise focusing on their hobbies, favorite activities, or something that fits their personality. Think about personalized gifts or experiences that meet their unique tastes.

My former pen friend used to shower me with gifts and money (rather strange); and every year used to send me a personalized calendar. Was getting expensive. My anxiety was high as I had to send something back. Eventually said letter writing only. Unfortunately I had to stop writing which was a shame.

Now I just send three cards in December which is enough. Last year sent four and got three back. That means my pen friend has stopped writing without telling me. Also trying to keep the cost down. Bah humbug that want to send a final letter saying haven't heard from you and do you want to continue?

Depends on the degree of closeness to the person you’re giving the gift to. With a close friend it’s really not that hard. Actually it can be, because you don’t always know what they already have. But you just tap into their favourite hobby or their favourite fandom and you get them something based on that. The real difficulty’s  are people who don’t appear to have any strong likes or dislikes. Or people who tend to buy for themselves what others might buy for them. Like my grandmother she had all kinds of exotic ornaments but it’s difficult for me to figure out what type of ornament she might like to take me when she already have such an extensive collection.

Just realised the last sentence on this must have destructed just before I hit post. I was supposed to have
"But I'm not NT, though I imagine asking them to make a wishlist might help." on the end of it. :/

I tend to try to brainstorm the challenge using mind mapping.

Start with a big sheet of paper (A4 or A3), write the task in a circle in the centre then start writing categories of gifts as balloons connected to the central task baloon.

From each category I would create a few sub categories (eg one major category would be books, under that would be practical, humour and enlightening as sub categories.

From each of these I would think of a few ideas per person - eg maybe my boss likes cheese so I can put a practical book in cheeses of the world as an option, Dilbery books under humerous and enlightening would be books I have read that were really good (eg Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance).

Another category would be food - sub categories of cheese, snacks, exotic foods, and booze being sub categories. A cheese board from M&S, exotic flavours of the persons favourite snack from Amazon, ingredients to make squid ink pasta and a bottle of a good wine cover examples of each of these.

This way you can do one intense session to get a shed load of ideas and keep this to re-use for any other present buying challenges you have.

Once you have the ideas, tracking them down can be the more fun part.

That's my way to do it at least.

I have a wishlist people can just ask me for the list tbh and pick something from the list, alternatively anything related to my interests is appreciated. I also always need more socks and I love different scented bath stuff so the Xmas cop-out gifts work well too. Personally, I think I am really easy to buy for and people that say "I didn't know what to get you" are just lying and will get struck off my social list immediately.
I'd rather people have the decency to be honest and say  "I feel like I don't know you well enough to warrant getting you a gift in the first place/ I forgot to / I'm skint and couldn't afford to get you something" instead. Like all of those reasons are fair enough.

yeah i dont buy anyone anything anymore. 
its impossible... you dont know what they want, what they would like... and even with myself i cant think what i would want from others. a state of nothingness i guess, a inability to think what others want and more so a inability to think what id want either, kinda like when you was asked as a child what do you want to do when you are older and you couldnt come up with a answer... just, i dunno i just want to exist or maybe not i dunno? lol

so i do get you on the lack of social imagination which could be that worded or described closely to what it is. or perhaps its not a bad imagination but rather than we perhaps think too much or too deeply onto it, where when someone asks what we want or we think what others want we dont think of some crap we can buy them but instead we just think of happiness... what do people truly want... happiness. thats hard to produce.

I listened to a podcast around Christmas last year that talked about how the idea that people care so much about gifts being a surprise is actually a nonsense. When people rate how happy they are with a gift they've received, people who got something they specifically asked for score higher than other people. Even for a neurotypical person, it's a total lottery with surprise presents whether they get something that they actually do want, something that's not them at all or something that's kinda their thing but not quite.

With us people it's definitely harder to get into their head and guess what they might like, and personally I find it super stressful because I feel like I've failed as a human if they open it and it's clearly not something they dig. I pretty much just ask for links nowadays.

The worst thing of all is Secret Santa! Oh my goodness, thats a nightmare. I never know what to get anyone. Its like some people do joke presents but I never know what is an appropriate joke gift and I dont want to offend anyone so I dont do that. I end up buying a really boring sensible present while everyone else gets something fun or unique to them. Last year I got my manager and just ended up buying her a tub of chocolates which she immediately shared out with everyone else and she looked really disappointed cos everyone else got fun presents. 

Good thinking.

I hate buying presents for people. I never know what to get and then months later what I bought ends up being taken to the charity shop 

I had that too

i tell them now

if you want to meet send me a text when and where

if they don't text me even if we talked, I don't go

then it happens they are surprised in turn sometimes LOL

One thing I've learned about NTs...they don't do what they say they will do. And they don't mean what they say.

If they say they'll meet you at 10am in the bookshop...will they heck!! They'll meet you hours later somewhere else and be surprised that you turned up at the agreed time and place. They seem to think it's just a vague comment, not an arrangement.

My daughter's friend's dad once invited us to see their new dog and puppies. Wednesday at 4pm after school. So we turned up at 4pm on Wednesday after school. He was astounded. He said 'I didn't think you'd come along when we arranged!'

Why wouldn't we? What am I missing?

they think they know better than you

Oh my word yes.  I absolutely hate buying gifts for people - I would much rather people just tell what they want.  It's also what I prefer to do - I absolutely hate surprises so would always prefer people to ask me what I'd like then just get that.  I know it seems a bit strange to NTs but what's the point in buying people things they don't want. To me it's just so straightforward - stick to the list!

just give 'em cash. problem solved. i gave up on gifts a long time ago, it seemed so futile. and that was before my diagnosis.

my sister gives me christmas gifts. last years are still in a bag to donate. this year's... i'll toss 'em in that bag... and the next christmas...