I'm so tired of it

Oh yes. Sounds exactly like my daughter! She's is 7, and is an emotional wreck most of the time that I spend with her.....Or extremely demanding to the point of where I don't know if I top can take much more without losing my temper.

When she was in nursery I would be so very suspicious of their daily reports. She was always good. She was clever. But mostly played on her own. 'Shes been fine'. And I'd wonder if they were talking about another child, because I thought she was the devils spawn at home, she was a nightmare!

But then I read something similiar about children with difficulties, about them being fine at school etc but losing it when they got home, because that's where they felt safe enough to express themselves. 

Its hard, so hard, knowing that they can be ok but when they are in your company thats when they choose to lose it. I guess it's reassuring in a way that they feel at thier safest with you, but it also means that only you see them at thier worst and sometimes you feel like you're making it up! *hugs*

Hey...it's the same at my house....we going camhs but they want stop seeing us soon !!!!

My son is the same...His so demanding at home..he has a younger sister too so it's

Very hard to spend time with her....we do.... 

My son wants me most time and not his dad....it it's come to us nearly divorcing lots

Times as my hubby says I give in to him....Very hard ....I feel I'm stuck in the middle

And than there's the violence from our son....the breaking stuff.....need I go on...

God it's so frustrating.....end day it's always my thought.....and at school his no problem....wot a joke....

Hi everyone

My daughter is now 9 and was diagnosed with autism at the age of 7, although I knew she was autistic from nursery age. My daughter is also a model pupil in school and her teachers always comment on how much effort she puts in and how happy she is during school. It is a totally different story at home though. I ask her how her day has been and straight away the attitude comes out and she's a totally different child. She has picked all her fingernails off and then starts on her toenails. I'm quite worried about her weight at the moment as she just eats non stop and is always saying she is hungry even though she has only just eaten. She is age 9, but is in 13-14 clothes with size 4-5 adult feet. She has grown up so fast. She is only in year 5 when she goes back, but I am already dreading secondary school as she still flaps and rocks a lot and I know she just will not cope with day to day changes. 

hows the school holidays going? I also wanted to ask you do you or have you ever went to any parenting meetings?  I am trying to find a place for parenting meetings but so far none in my area. It just I thought it might be helpful to meet other parents, sometimes they have the best ideas and informatio. We also, when my daughter was attending school given choice of coming in later, leaving sooner, sitting in the learning support, but she didn't want to stand out as different. I just sometimes feel my daughter is happy on her own in her room, books, films, Internet. But I find it lonely especially siince my son is the same. I feels sometimes I'm the outsider. I have arranged a few days out over the holidays let's hope this weather gets better. Does your daughter like going out in the holidays, or does she also like to stay at home?   Hope you are both well.

My daughter was also offered things like come in 10 minutes earlier leave earlier but, she didn't like that idea because she likes routine and sameness., and didn't like standing out and being questioned why see came in late etc: she has one really good friend from school who sees her regularly and understands her really well, so I grateful for that.Do you go to any parent meetings, thats what I've been told to find, any local parent meeting to be able to meet parents in the same situation. So far I haven't found anywhere local, a few out of my area. Do you manage to get out and about with your daughter over the holidays? What will happen after your daughters final year at school? I just know there's not much advice out there.  

hi Fedupmum

Thank you for your kind reply.    My daughter's school agreed to let her go in ten minutes later than the other children, so she was still in time for lessons but avoided the early morning noise and crowds at the start of the day.  It helped a bit but she still got stressed and tired by the rest of the day there. It's the school holidays now so she will be happy at home, and hopefully there will be less rages, but I dread when school starts again in September, especially as it will be her final year.  You are doing well to be home schooling your daughter, it can't be easy.  I'm here if you want to chat too.  

take care :)

Hi jenny robin, thanks for your reply it's just nice to know we are not alone, I have been homeschooling my daughter for the last 5 weeks, and the pressure is off her now, especially for noise in the school, changing of lessons etc it made her anxiety worse. She is more settled at home, but it's defiantly not easy. I pushed for a ados test which I get results in 2 weeks time. Sorry to hear of your loss, it even harder being a single mam a well. (I am). My daughter has been on the Internet and looked at other girls on the spectrum and also read about  aspergers which I think helps, I know from experience that they sometimes hard for them to express themselves, so sometimes in comes out in anger. Any time you wish to chat or just sound off feel free to message me. 

hi Fedupmum

I think I can understand some of how you feel.   My daughter is 15 and awaiting diagnosis of possible aspergers through camhs.  She has social anxiety so doesn't want to go out apart from school which she finds a real struggle, and has sensitivities, outbursts/meltdowns and mood swings.

There's only me here, as my husband died several years ago, and it's hard.  I want her to have the best life she can, but often she just doesn't want to talk to me and when we do talk she often takes things the wrong way, even though I try to be careful what I say.  She doesn't want to try what the practitioner suggests either. The practitioner has now said it isn't a mental health problem and she will probably be discharged soon, and told me there is no help or support in our area.  

So I joined the web site to find information and help.  But coping with it all myself is worrying when there's no one to turn to.

It must be hard for you having a son at home all that time too, and like me you must worry if your daughter will end up being the same.  Hopefully we will find some ideas to help on this site.

Take care 

hi everyone, I have never done anything like this before, just feel so alone, I have a son diagnosed with aspergers at aged 12. He will be 20 years old soon and has been at home 24/7 for the last 6years. Help came to late for my son. Now for the last 16months I have been attending camhs with my daughter aged nearly15 (possible aspergers) which I know she has. I have been through a rough time diagnosis etc, outbursts meltdowns. But after years especially having my son at home 24/7 I am finally learning how to cope with the world of aspergers. It's been a long at times very isolated road. It has definitely had a impact on my health. I would like to talk to anyone who knows how I feel. Thanks

I  am finding it hard but I'm trying to remember the good times when the bad ones get bad. I'm not sure about my hubby being on the spectrum, he is a stay at home parent because he had a heart attack five years ago and I have a very good job that I love. We don't get help from any nhs professionals, if I go to the go he refers us back to the original paedatrician who diagnosed our daughter. The paedatrician will then make a appointment to talk about stuff and tell me I'm better at things then I think. She will then refer us back to the OT to help with SPD queries but then the current queries and then they discharge our daughter without even seeing her. Cahms currently have us on a anxiety course waiting list which we hopefully will go on in September. I try really hard to stick to saying no and making sure she understands not to be naughty but she doesn't remember what it is she has done wrong. We get alot of attitude from her when she is stressed and she gets very emotional too. I'm just not sure what to do with her sometimes and have constant questions xx

You sound desperate and at breaking point and that isn't good for any of the three of you. :-(

It also sounds as though you and hubby are not agreeing on a strategy and that is causing extra stress. Is he on the spectrum too? Is that why he is at home whilst you work?

What help have you sought from GP, CAMHS etc to overcome the problems?

Autistic kids need special parenting and that means consistent and positive input. It doesn't mean letting her do whatever she wants. Are you good at saying no and sticking to it and encouraging and being positive as much as possiblee?

Thank you for your reply. I've been told in the past that it's because the child feels most comfortable with us and that's why they react the way they do. I just don't know what to do. I try to treat her as a normal child so she has a good child up but it's hard when she is stressing over playing. My hubby says I say things and it makes her react differently, he says I should just get on with it n I do try but between working and our daughter being so demanding with me doing more for her, I'm worn out and feeling rubbish xx 

I have a similar problem with my daughter.  At home her rages and outbursts are awful, and she blows up over any little thing and it can be really upsetting.

I felt like I was a bad parent as camhs have asked how can she be acting like that at home because the times they saw her she was well behaved and she behaves at school?  I said it's true, I aren't lying, and fortunately my daughter agreed with me that she blew up over any little thing at home.

So the pratitioner thought it might be that things build up in the day from all the stress of school, because she doesn't like noise, light, or people being near her, but keeps how she feels suppressed, so when she gets home she has her outbursts, like a pressure cooker blowing off steam.  

The practitioner told me to research about it on the internet or ring NAS for advice.

I haven't rung yet but am reading books from the library, and looking for ways to cope.

At the moment, I am reading 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome' by Tony Attwood.  It's well worth reading.

On page 132... he wrote about 'Jekyll and Hyde' personalities where they have 'exemplary behaviour' in class, and wait until they get home 'to release their anguish.'

He said that 'The cause of the problem is the child not communicating extreme stress at school, and not a parent who does not know how to control his or her child.'

Reading more, it seems when they feel safe, such as at home, then they let off the pressure in their outbursts there.  

They are also frustrated at not knowing how to communicate how they feel. 

For some people, it seems that hugging or being told to cheer up makes matters worse - they might not like being touched, and saying 'cheer up' has no real meaning, and can wind them up more.

As caring mums we only want the best for our kids, and in some ways I feel like I have got to learn to be, what I would call ''less caring'', and let her do much more for herself, but then she gets very angry because she isn't getting things done for her. So it is difficult as I want a peaceful house... if that is possible.

Hugs hun, it's so hard xxx

Good luck to you JRandall - moan as much as you like!  I have just gone through a difficult time with my autistic grandson and I think I probably over reacted and got upset unnecessarily but he certainly knows how to hurt me - I don't know whether he actually means to or not - mum doesn't think so, so maybe I'm being over sensitive.