HOW DO YOU CALM A VIOLENT TEEN???

Stop spraying  poison in an autistic person environment - that will do the trick. I would disregard the stuff posted ny NT Ross Mod. It is the user BS you hear from so called experts. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH EFFING CHALLENGING BEHAVIOUR. 

IT IS PURELY A SENSORY ISSUE - WHERE AN NT SIBBLING IS COMPLETELY INCONSIDERATE. 

Why use the stuff anyway. Spraying what is basically petrol on your skin, so you can preen and strut in a ritual much like an chimpanzee or peacock. 

PRIMATIVE NTs. 

Holds Head In Hands.......!!!

It's absolutely clear that the kids have reached the age of total intolerance of each other -  it's totally natural - it's what forces birds from the nest to find their own territory.

There's other ways of dealing with this but it involves a bit of upheaval.   Most people live a very prescribed way - each room has a name - do you have a dining room that can be made into a bedroom?    

Lose a room, gain harmony - zero cost.

Other than that, what about a 'garden office' that can be insulated and fitted out as a mini-house as her escape place - if you do it well, she can probably sleep in there to gain her calm isolation.   Cost 5-10k

Extend to build space - up or out - a single room will be about £25k.

Move - cost is up to you.

As alreday said - spraying gas with white musk in ir which is made from crude oil would sedn me into meltdown pretty quickly. 

If I try and tell NTs they do not believe it. As if poison like that wouldnt be allowed to be consumed or sold. 

There is a legal loop whole which allows the company who sell the poison - to keep selling the poison. 

Why do you think most *** cancer is on the left side..? It is because most folk are right handed and they spray more poison on their left armpit. 

Seems like you are handling this with a lot of consideration for her feelings. Wishing you the best of luck.

I agree that she needs to punished but when it's sensory related, she just can't cope which a punishment because she will feel she can't live like this and we just had her move back in with us after months with her father... 

Thank you Tracy, we are planning to have an extension done or move house (which all our children like)... 

My other daughter sprayed something in their room and once again it upset her. She has told her sister not to so we hope she listens.. Thanks again

We may move house or have n extension done so she can have her own room. She usually has her own space but this time she didn't. 

I'm going to be the unpopular opinion in the room and say that violence should be punished, not rewarded.  You won't be doing her/them any favours by letting them think that that behaviour will fly in the real world.

That said, my older sisters were similar to what you described,  worse even.  Practically every day would start with an incident like the one above.  I don't really have any advice for you, as this continued until my older sisters eventually left home - there was seemingly nothing my parents could do, punishment, appeasement, nothing worked.  It destroyed their marriage in the end.  OFC we couldn't afford to move somewhere they could each have their own space, so if that's an option go for it I guess.

Morning,

Like so many others have said your teen is crying out for their own space. But I also know that sometimes this is just not possible. I was in this situation till a couple of years ago when we were able to move and give our teen asd son a room of his own.

Would it be possible for your other daughter to dress in your room so she is free to spray, what ever without upsetting your asd daughter? I suggest your room rather than the bathroom (unless you have two) as it may simply be the smell that is triggering your asd daughter. It certainly was smell of my daughter that triggered my asd son.

It is very difficult to know what to do and how to do it. Hope you manage to get things sorted. Meanwhile, we are all here if you need to talk.

Tracy

It sounds like she needs her own space. I also get incredibly frustrated about not having my personal space, and it can lead me to snap. 

If there is no choice but sharing a room, try to make sure she is at least getting her own space to do her thing in the day and get some alone time.

Hi ParentingAutism,

Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time with violent behaviour from your daughter. NAS has some advice pages on challenging behaviour that might be of some help to you: here is a link to the behaviour section - https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour - from which you can choose which issues you need help with (anger management, or meltdowns, for example) and you can find advice, support, links to our helplines and recommended other organisations. The Challenging Behaviour Foundation in particular - www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk - might be beneficial to you.

Hope this is of some help,
Ross - mod

Most scents have toxic chemicals in them, the particles from these chemicals go into our airways into our lungs and the gut. For someone like me, many scented items will make me feel as though I've been punched in the face. It's severely violent. Many will immediately cause indigestion - a physiological response, not just psychological. Noise and frequency the same. Like someone bashed my head into a wall. I can't explain how physically abused I end up feeling in noisy and over-scented environments. 

Regardless. I bet your autistic daughter wouldn't mind sleeping in the cubby under the stairs if it was a spot no one else was allowed into. It sounds like she feels violated daily. Add how much girls have to navigate with new hormones at this age.

My mother remarried and had more kids when I was 13. I spent my entire high school never going home, adopted a friends parents and then moved out at 17. Since, I have learned the ethics behind how to be respectful/ afford respect and create boundaries. I started by identifying the difference between control vs connexion. Practiced an internal monologue of affirming the worth of others around me (which helped affirm my own and expect better standards from others), and followed advice to create safety. If your autistic daughter spends her life feeling trapped and constantly attacked, then she won't thrive, she won't be able to learn - it's like taking a seedling out of a greenhouse too early. It sounds like you really care about your children!! If you can create a protected space for her, most likely much tension can ease.

Your daughter with autism needs her own space completely to herself, possibly her own bedroom, because having so many people around her who change everything in her environment will cause her to become distressed and agitated. She might do better in a routine environment where things are predictable and she can choose where things go. 

Your daughter might have sensory issues to people, smells and light, so having her sister around is difficult, because she spray smelly things around the room, and she opens the curtains to shine bright light at your daughter, which is inconsiderate to your daughter's sensory issues. 

Her sister should not have kept "pushing" your daughter into a distressful state, by trying to dominate the room and doing everything she wanted to do, and spraying anything she wanted to spray, and continually trying to open the curtains when your daughter wanted them shut. Next time her sister wants to do something, she should ASK your daughter if it's okay if she sprays something in the room, or if it's okay to open the curtains, before doing them. That would be respectful your daughter and her sensory issues. 

I don't believe things would have gotten so out of hand, if her sister understood your daughter has sensory issues, and if they have to share a room together, to ask each other if it's okay before trying to do something. These should be rules set in place so your daughter will have a routine environment where she can trust and rely in the people around her.