Published on 12, July, 2020
How do you calm down a violent teen?
My 14 y.o can become extremely aggressive and violent and nothing can calm her down...
I need help since I have no clue how to keep her and my other kids safe...
This morning she became distressed when her sister (13 years) sprayed something in the bedroom. My teen (with autism) then told her not to and started closing the curtains in their bedroom (which they share). My other teen then opened the curtains and the window then hell kicked off...
My teen (with autism) shut them again, then my other daughter told her not to.
Anyways.... they started fighting and I tried splitting them up since they were screaming, kicking, punching, and when I thought is was over, it started again... But my autistic daughter grabbed a pair of scissors and wanted to stab her sister with it...
All hell broke loose and I managed to take the scissors away from her. But how do I stop them from fighting next time? How do I keep my son and daughters safe? How do I calm her down?
Any help is very much appreciated. I'm lost and at my wits end...
Morning,
Like so many others have said your teen is crying out for their own space. But I also know that sometimes this is just not possible. I was in this situation till a couple of years ago when we were able to move and give our teen asd son a room of his own.
Would it be possible for your other daughter to dress in your room so she is free to spray, what ever without upsetting your asd daughter? I suggest your room rather than the bathroom (unless you have two) as it may simply be the smell that is triggering your asd daughter. It certainly was smell of my daughter that triggered my asd son.
It is very difficult to know what to do and how to do it. Hope you manage to get things sorted. Meanwhile, we are all here if you need to talk.
Tracy
Thank you Tracy, we are planning to have an extension done or move house (which all our children like)...
My other daughter sprayed something in their room and once again it upset her. She has told her sister not to so we hope she listens.. Thanks again
It's absolutely clear that the kids have reached the age of total intolerance of each other - it's totally natural - it's what forces birds from the nest to find their own territory.
There's other ways of dealing with this but it involves a bit of upheaval. Most people live a very prescribed way - each room has a name - do you have a dining room that can be made into a bedroom?
Lose a room, gain harmony - zero cost.
Other than that, what about a 'garden office' that can be insulated and fitted out as a mini-house as her escape place - if you do it well, she can probably sleep in there to gain her calm isolation. Cost 5-10k
Extend to build space - up or out - a single room will be about £25k.
Move - cost is up to you.