Does your child do this?

Hi - It’s not possible, nor would it be ethical to apply a recipe book approach for any one particular child who runs off/away, simply because the behaviour can mean different things for different children. So, the issue is to first determine the meaning of running off for your child. Until you can understand her meaning, you may not be able to manage the behaviour correctly and may even make things worse. Sorry for writing that lengthy earlier response, but that was to describe two separate patterns of running off: one is about autistic anxiety and the other is cheeky-naughty social manipulation behaviour typical of all young children, ASD or NT.

If your daughter is running off due to anxiety(note: feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated in a store is very common, even for adults on the spectrum), then it’s important to prepare her in advance for the store visit. You’d do this by using pecs, a social story, ensuring she knows in advance that she will be going to the store. It does help if your daughter can rely on a routine from the time she wakes up to the time she goes to bed. This will reduce her anxiety and allow her to function on auto-pilot for a bit throughout her day. 

She will be working incredibly hard throughout the day to maintain self control in school, and may be wound up like a tight spring that needs release by the end of her school day(a mini trampoline can be great for letting off steam). If the store visit is to be a regular thing, by building it into her routine, displaying it in pictures via PECS, this may help. If anxiety is the issue, I would allow her to bring a comfort toy or handheld mini console, piece of silk, smooth stone in pocket, anything that allows her to feel more comfortable in a stressful environment. 

You could for example, use pictures before leaving for the store, to show her, she will be choosing a book, or some crayons, or some apples(that it’s her job to place them in the trolley or hold onto them. Pictures need to show what happens after shopping as well. This might be an image of computer/tv or of her painting/drawing, or playing on swings etc, whatever she can expect to enjoy upon returning home. 

If she runs from you in the store, I would calmly do my utmost not to make any fuss at all(hard as this might be). I’d keep an eye on her, and after a random amount of time, direct her to where you want her to be, and give her something to hold, that grounds her, distracts her, keeps her within your sight. Reward all positive behaviour, ignore negative behaviour to the best of your ability. As an aside, if you need to feel the need to produce a NAS card explaining that your child is on the spectrum, or gently let anyone who may show disapproval at your daughter’s behaviour that you are a carer, then do so. Don’t allow anyone to belittle you as a parent though, as you can ignore anyone who is judgemental up to a point. Sometimes, people need educating on such things. Always best to try the calm, cool, collected approach. You have enough stress in your life, as we all do, either as parents or careproviders.

Managing her running off may not change overnight, as it may well be a learned behaviour now, if it’s something she’s done a number of times before. Do your best to pre-empt her running off by using PECS, as mentioned, and by giving her little jobs to do, allowing her to choose a little something to hold or buy with her pocket money maybe, and remember to reward the good behaviour(eg with a sticker on a sticker chart at home) and praise her good behaviour, not her personally(most ASD children and adults do not like personal praise). Hope some of this information might be of help. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask. There should be improvement over time, and less running altogether, if she feels happier “doing” “being engaged in an activity” while in the store, and knowing what to expect, before, during and after. 

Just posting to bump the thread back up to the top so more people will see it and hopefully offer advice.

Thanks in advance.

Oh ok. I would only consider reins if I had tried everything else.

No it won't make her normal!!!

Hello,

Thank you.

If you don't mind me asking, what should I do in my situation then??

Thank you so much.

My son did this but only in a few shops. I'm afraid I resorted to a wrist strap until he was able to understand a compromise. Then we would let him have a comic if he stayed with us while we did the shopping.

No need to apologise, hun. You didn’t come across as rude in any way :). This is an issue I’ve experienced many times in my history with working with children and having them in my care(school settings & in my own business working from home with children with disabilities etc). In fact I myself was a runner, when younger, and became a long distance runner as a teenager. 

To use the example of an eight year old autistic child last year. He was displaying a whole range of manipulation and avoidance behaviour in his integrated setting that was socially related. This did include behaviour similar to your daughter’s, when he was taken to a local store. By socially related, I mean that it was always in relation to carers and was an extension of the peek-a-boo/chase me early childhood phase. In the absence of strict directive structure, he had developed his own “program”.

He still displays running out of school to stand in the road way as a sign of anxiety. That is, he has learned operantly that high risk behaviour [that he does not understand the notion of “risk” or danger] must be given attention by staff. So this occasional running away means “I’m confused/anxious!” and only occurs when there is a disruption to routine. It’s communication behaviour and we were working on teaching him safe ways to tell us he is anxious.

To deal with running away as a cheeky form of childish “chase-me” behaviour, one must begin by reinforcing all in-bounds behaviour. [One of the problems with children running away is that staff/parents immediately adopt an on-guard attitude, always watching, and this is the stimulus for the “chase-me” game. The more staff/parents watch “on-guard”, the more the child runs.] Hence supervision must be discrete and focusing on all acceptable behaviour, but this will not stop the running by itself in open settings.

In a closed setting where the child cannot escape, one can simply reinforce acceptable behaviour and running off will fade away because staff/parents can safely ignore it, hence the behaviour is not reinforced. Where safety is an issue, such behaviour cannot be ignored. It goes without saying that lectures and reprimands about “not running” only reinforce [increase] running away. [Avoid negative instructions with ASD children, i.e. “Don’t run out of the room/run off!”

In the case of the 8YO ASD boy, the classroom aide or teacher would be working with him, while another member of staff(someone well practised in modifying behaviour) would be “lurking” around outside the classroom, or in the room working with other children, but always discretely watching and coaching the teaching staff. When the boy ran, he was not stopped as to try to stop a child who is determined to run is likely to cause him to and you don’t want to create another problem of aggression. He was allowed to run. Indeed, as the issue was about leaving the classroom without permission, he had to be allowed to leave the room before a consequence could be applied. As he is low functioning and ASD he learns concretely. We had to let him be outside the room before we intervened and applied a consequence.

A few seconds after he left the room, a staff member would follow -flat out - run up alongside him, take his hand and run with him at pace. The staff member made no comment, but smiled - nicely. [It was the smile on the face of the proverbial tiger, but he did not understand that at first!] As they ran, he eventually started to slow, but the staff member in a most cheerful manner told him “Keep running” and they ran on, with the staff member starting to dictate where they would run and how fast. At times they would slow to a walk, but he would soon be instructed to “Run more” in a very pleasant voice. The staff member made it obvious that he/she enjoyed running and was having a good time - they felt no pain!! During one “run” the staff member would run him back past the ckassroom several times from different directions. As the came near or passed the entrance he would indicate “Classroom! ... classroom?!?!” but they would keep running. The staff member took and kept control on their terms so the chase-me game was not effective, i.e. he was not in control, hence the “game” was not fun anymore.

Variations of this procedure have been used with high school age NT children in the past, by simply insisting they repeat tasks very many times until they realise that the staff member is not going to become mad, or fussed and that he/she is not going to stop until they yield and obey staff instructions.

Eventually the staff member took the fun out of his chase-me game and played their own game which was not fun for him. He then decided that it was much nicer being in the classroom than outside running with a maniac who did not “play” properly. After a few minutes the staff member would go back into the classroom, wander past his desk and reinforce his on-task behaviour. It took less than two weeks for running away to stop completely. However, the pattern of running to get someone to chase is still there and, every now and then, he makes as though to run out of the schoolyard to get people to chase. Staff simply stand where they are [They must not step toward him.] and point with extended arm to the climbing equipment in the yard, maintaining the cue until he walks all the way over and starts climbing the equipment, then they relax and walk away, or they turn and walk away from him casually, and he has to follow them. As soon as he is under their control they direct him to play on the climbing equipment. It’s a subtle process.

It goes without saying that “Stop! ... look at me! was taught as part of every change of activity in the classroom by all staff and and NO activity or variation was allowed until this was achieved.

In the case of your daughter, allowing her a comfort item(eg piece of silk in her pocket), or an item that assists in helping her remain grounded and less stressed when in the store, may help. With practice, over time, she will come to know what to expect, and what the outcome will be(via social stories and/or learned experience) and this should become less stressful for you both. xx

(Hey You... Good Ol' Senior Moment (!), I like this Post Myself, but I think You might need to specify exact (or limited?) relevance it has to this Thread.

...You should know full well by now that I mean no insult art You, so I should not have to add that "I mean no insult", even though I just added that, honestly..!)   

NAS67529 said:

Has anyone else got any more advice?

...I reply to this in order to bump this Thread back to Top, because I would like to know this Myself, honestly. I really would. Really.

The very last I can suggest is what I suggested already which is to allow the running around in a safe area/wide open space, and restrict it when not appropriate. I am out of My zone here, now, because discipline which worked upon Myself (not punishments or bad) is now against the LAW. I can only imagine Myself as a Child now - and so can very many other Adults upon this Forum, Autistic or not : "I feel so much better by just running running running away... I want to be Freeeee...!" ... sort of thing.

...But This is not "practical advice" and so I do not know what else to say - I am not a Parent from 1998-onwards. I hope that I so far gave *some* advice which was a bit useful. (Running away also produces a heightened state where upsets &/or allergies are ignored... etc. etc.)

As said, please reply to the main Poster, Anyone.

Has anyone else got any more advice?

Thanks in advance.

First, I would like to make it clear that I don't use fear-based or any form of physical punishment.

Second, in the nicest possible way, what should I do when she does this behaviour then??

I do reward her for positive behaviour.

I have tried social stories but then when it happens she just seems to forgot them.

Sorry if any of that comes across as rude.

First, sorry if this reply comes across as rude

She only does this when she is having a meltdown or isn't happy with something I have tried to give her my phone (which she loves!) But even that doesn't work in this situation.

I emphasize to her that it is not good to run away from me when I walk towards her in that situation however when it happens I don't think she even knows that she is doing it, so what am I supposed to do?

Sorry if my last reply to you came across as rude, I didn't mean it to.

When the cub scouts were taken on a nature ramble, rather than sticking with Akele, I would be running ahead. Small wonder I never won a single badge. It was eventually decided that I wasn't exactly suited to the group, which was probably a major league embarrassment as another family member was a local Brownie leader, and friendly with the cub pack. I seem to remember feeling only that it was more exciting to rush ahead.

The funny thing is that I am actually quite amenable to some degree of social cohesion and discipline. It is perhaps worth noting, though, that I haven't really changed that much in nearly 6 decades. It hasn't done much to help develop what I would call a normal career.

NAS67529 said:

when I try to make her laugh, she gets confused as she "can't think properly" and doesn't know "whether it is time to play with mummy and run as mummy comes towards her". 

This gives mixed signals, and so at the time of doing this, Please clearly and seriously specify what to do. The main thing as I (waffled) said, is to emphasise that it is not always a good or safe thing to always run away/play. I guess this sounds harsh, yet maybe other distractions need to be used.

The general rule of thumb when understanding the behaviour of autistic children is that it tends to mean one of two things. Either “Come here, Mum!”  or “Go away!”. A social story before you go to the store, may help. This needs to show that yout child stays by your side, and if they do so ... as one example, they might get to “insert whichever activity” has postive meaning to your child here”(could be watching a favourite video when you return home, a painting or water play experience, dvd or computer time etc...”  Always remember, that you, as the adult, need to be in control. Far better that you don’t‘t react negatively or become cross, as this only serves to reinforce the behaviour. Please don’t make a fuss of any nevative behaviour. It’s very possible that your daughter is simply overwhelmed in this environment, and doesn’t want to be here... 

A few things I’ve written in the past(that I hope might be helpful)...

So often parents are heard to say “All that child needs is a good thrashing” to teach him his manners. Spanking a child cannot and will not teach a child to learn his manners. In order to learn his manners, he needs to be rewarded for any and all acceptable behaviour that he displays in the company of people. Note that the issue of punishing a child(ie teaching consequences for actions/teaching children to take responsibility for their own actions) is a separate process in and of itself and different to the positive training of a child. There are certainly times when parents/carers need to control children when they are out of control and safety is an issue, but you cannot teach acceptable social behaviour through fear-based punishments. In fact, fear-based punishments(corporal punishment) actually escalate the problem behaviour of those on the spectrum by increasing their anxiety.

All the best :).

Ho boy.... I see all this & so I attempt reply again, yet Yes Ma'am, You have hit the limits of Me, I shall admit... sorry about that. (!)

If this were My child I would first of all emphasise that it is important to not run away so much when being approached by "Mummy" (...), because this might put Her into danger... surely when giving food or Smartphones or whatever, then this does not happen? With regards to "rewards", a Parent needs to reply here, usually I run away from Children, Myself...

Also You say She runs when unhappy or having a Meltdown.  Again, I know little about this:-  I am Autistic, honest! - but I Myself just Shutdown or Flee rather than "Meltdown". This is a public forum, so not the best place to discuss such things, but She is both running away and running to gain Your attention, so something else REALLY is going on which must be discussed, somehow.

Also As I said before that it could be "stress relief" (stimming). The last thing I can say is to watch carefully and check for a point when the running around turns into "impulsive" (reckless or dangerous). Just keep the running going on, but try to encourage doing this in a safe/controlled area. Also, I would regularly take Her to a wider space like a park and encourage her to burn off the stress/ energy there instead.

...NAS67530 (hard to track all these numbers) also replied, so take that advice and from other parents here, surely. I might see this Thread much later on and think of something more specific, but so far it just sounds like the running away is stress relief being triggered by something to Me (...Me who is not a parent & beginning to waffle, now.)... Good Luck, though, Thanks for being here.

My daughter does it when she is not happy with something or is having a meltdown. She only does it when I walk towards her, is your son the same?? My daughter doesn't run in circles but runs so I have to chase her otherwise I would lose her!

My daughter also occasionally runs in circles to play with me or her 6 year brother and this usually ends in impulsive behaviour like your son.

I've had people crowd round and once a man even said "in my day she would have got a good whacking", that pissed me off tbh.

I did speak to her like that.