Newly diagnosed at 52 and struggling

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 20 years ago. Now my psychiatrist thinks I my have Autism. Waiting times for NHS tests in my area (Manchester) are 10-15 years according to my GP. So I'm stuck tbh.

Sorry to hear you are struggling. I am 55 and still waiting for an assessment. I am certain I am autistic though. I have gone through a feeling of mourning and regret but now I’m just trying to readjust. I was diagnosed with a social anxiety disorder in my 20s and told to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’. I did but it didn’t stop me being anxious and now I know why. On the one hand it would have been nice to know why I struggled but on the other maybe I wouldn’t have done so much if I’d known earlier? I pushed myself through many sensory difficulties and terrifying for me social situations and met some great friends as a result of doing that. Also there wasnt as much understanding of autism around when we were younger so I doubt we’d have been met with much compassion. 

I was 60 when I was diagnosed. Instead of being angry, I was quite relieved because it was good to know why I was the way I was. 

Why are you angry? Your post would suggest that you are struggling with regrets. I myself regret thte fact that I wasn't diagnosed with autism much earlier in life. Intead of being diagnosed with autism, I was initialy diagnosed with depression and water later diagnosed with social anxiety disorder.

Since I have a literal mindset, I lost these regrets fairly quickly. 

It seems to me as though you have a choice. You may choose to be angry and to wonder what might have been or you can accept what is and move on. While you cannot change the past, you can change the present and the future. The choice is entirely yours. 

53 year old male here, just joined, diagnosed three months ago. I need to change my default state which is to claim that the only people who give a stuff are the fellow affected. I feel so alone and lack resources or friends. Crushed.

I know that this site isn't for everyone, but if you do decide to stick around, changing your username and profile picture would give you a bit more visibility and make you more memorable (the NASnumbers all look the same and are plagued with AI robots). This post will stay - it will just update your username.

I'm sure my therapist would tell me (in fact I'm pretty certain that she has done) that this is a form of grief. Not daft, at all. Entirely understandable and perfectly reasonable.

Yes, quite. Masking is SO draining. I've just reread your original post. You asked what can help if antidepressants don't.

I can't answer for you, obviously, and there isn't an easy answer. For me, I think part of the answer may be that I can now understand some of the triggers for most of my depression. For me, I think it was the constant struggle and inevitable failure to adapt to a neurotypical world. OK, so I get that I do need to adapt my behaviour at times in certain situations. It's always going to be difficult for me to fit in, but it's no failure when I don't, because I am as I am. I suppose I'm learning that it's OK for me to realise that I've had enough masking and to retreat to recover and to be on my own or with others who understand the real me. In the past I would beat myself up about my perceived failures. I accept that I don't need to do that now. I may feel it for a while, but I think I can move on a bit more easily to a calmer place where I am myself and don't have to conform to some other "norm". I am still often misunderstood and consequently frustrated, but I do also a feeling of liberation at times. I hope that will grow.

I'm 62 (not yet diagnosed), but look forward to whatever comes next. It's been a long and very painful road, but at least this realisation has come to me and whatever time is left may be better than what has been. I might never have realised.

Without a forum such as this, it would be extremely easy to feel that you are utterly alone and unique in this struggle - but you aren't. I personally still cannot get past the irony of just how familiar the emotions and thoughts you and many others convey are to my own (48yo M, diagnosed ASD this year). As much as we are all unique individuals with our autism, the fear, grief, and anger over a 'lost life' do seem to be very common. Still well into this phase myself with no indication yet that I am 'coming to terms', but I am trying to taper off of some of the medication.

As a 53 years old Irish gay man living in the U.K. 23 years, diagnosed in 2021, I agree and can relate - to me, this a moral issue that we are being effectively cast aside following our diagnosis and I count myself lucky that I have a strong Catholic faith to rely on 

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It really helps to hear I am not on my own x

I thought it would be a relief and maybe it will in time but right now I feel like I am in mourning.  It is ridiculous but I have always known I was different.  When lockdown arrived I was so happy.  I didn't have to socialise, speak to people, shops were quieter with fewer shoppers, everyone kept their distance and I had a legitimate excuse not to leave the house. It was the calmest I had ever been. 

Thank you for replying and good luck x

Thank you. I do understand. I haven't given too much time to really understanding my diagnosis as I feel it may take me over the edge at the moment.  I've acknowledged it but I know that the deeper I look into it the angrier i am going to get. I've been on antidepressants since 18 and i have tried all of them and nothing works. But I do understand why they have been useless.  It does help , thank you. It is a very lonely place and apart from my GP and this forum I have no one anymore. My meltdowns and 'quiet' behaviour has pushed everyone away over the years. so all comments do help.  Take care and good luck when you start processing. x

Thank you x

thank you Mark.  I feel very odd at the moment.  I feel as though I am grieving, so daft.  Thank you for your kind words, take care.

Masking is exhausting, I've spent my life exhausted and now I'm understanding why.  It's so hard. Take care and thank you for taking the time to reply.

Thank you so much for your reply. It really helps to hear x

Thank you, Take care.

thank you for your reply.  I know it'll take time and it is very lonely especially as family will not accept it.  Time I guess. Thank you and take care x

Thank you for taking the time to reply. It really helped to hear from you. Thank you and take care x

There are days when im scared for my future. I discovered at age 59 that i am autistic and this year with ADHD. Im exhausted. My traits are so apparent to me now. I have been trying to live a life of a neurotypical person because i didnt know any different. 

I suspect that anxiety and low mood are as a result of being autistic and not knowing it. Sometimes i want to cry and for someone to take care of me other times im strong. Its exhausting. We will never kniw what may have been different had we known. I now want to undo what i have worked so hard at doung and be my true autistic self. Im not angry but shocked that it has gone undetected for so long. Its big. Others dont realise just how big it is. The medical proffesionals and the public need prompt educating on neurodivergentce. Like you i have little relief from being prescribed antidepressants most of my adult life. Probably because i wasnt depressed, but couldn't cope with the demands of life and what i took on. I saw others doing things and i thought i can do that. But it was too much for me. I feel torn. I need to rest. You are not alone. I am trying to embrace what i now call my quirky self, i see it now. Im proud to get here at 60, but i most definitely would not want to do it again. We need to love ourselves, embrace our differences. 

There was no support then and is very little now. I feel im on my own. 

A psychologist said to someone i know.....you dont need fixing, your autistic. 

I think an assesment and diagnosis will validate our differences and challenges. It may come with advise on how to navigate life as we are getting older x