Newly diagnosed at 52 and struggling

If it’s any comfort I think your response is far from unusual. Dealing with long term anxiety, depression and ocd is a lot to deal with - as is processing an autism diagnosis later in life. 
I was diagnosed fairly recently (about two years ago) and I’m in my 50’s. I experienced a lot of different emotions and I think you have to just allow yourself to feel what you feel. Don’t push the feelings away - accept that they are a part of processing this new perspective that you have on your life. Try not to ruminate too much on the past - you can’t do anything about the past. ‘If only……’ - this is not going to help you. It’s the past, it’s DONE. What matters is now is finding the things that make you feel good right now. Similarly when it comes to thinking about the future it’s best not to focus on that too much either - because you cannot truly know how things will play out for you long term. 
Btw medication never helped my anxiety either - it made it much worse! And I hear this a lot from autistic people. 
The menopause might be a part of your current feelings about everything - a lot of women get diagnosed with autism in their fifties and I think the menopause can push us into dealing with issues we’ve managed for a long time. It can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

What’s helped me most in recent years has been enjoying creative projects - painting, drawing and crafts. Sewing, jewellery making. I get ‘lost’ in these things and it really helps my mental health. Music too massively helps. Also I’ve been studying Buddhism and that’s made a huge difference to me and changed how I look at myself and the world. And I’ve started doing Qigong too. And walking in the countryside is so soothing and helps so much.

Ultimately there is no ‘silver bullet’ - it’s about finding the things that help you to feel happier and enjoy life. Try to let the past go - in fact let lots of things go. For example your GP - I’m sure they were doing their best but they have a lot of patients and a lot of pressure. Getting angry with your GP will not help you at all - so let it go. There’s no point to it. 

Try to be kind to yourself - you’ve been through a lot. It’s important that we show love and kindness to ourselves as well as to others. You’re not ‘wrong’ - try to stop yourself when you start using that internal language that is very destructive. 

please don’t lose hope that things can get better. I’ve been to such dark places with my mental and physical health too - but there really are many things you can do to make life happier and more enjoyable again. Try to focus on the present moment and the small things that give you pleasure. Things like a comforting hot drink or making a delicious meal. Or a warm Bath with nice Bath oils, or fresh sheets on your bed and candlelight. Tiny moments of pleasure and happiness can be found if we look for them. We don’t need to dwell on the past or feel we have to work out the future. Try to enjoy one thing today, and relish it. The conditions for happiness are there but we often don’t really notice them because we are focusing on things that are completely outside of our control. 

You’re not alone - millions of people have felt how you’re feeling now. It’s part of the human condition to struggle - so please don’t judge yourself harshly. Be kind to yourself and things truly can get better. 

   You are so far from alone. You contain multitudes. You are unique and amazing, just as you are. Now, Live that full life now, today.

   The past, where ever you were, is a reliquary: fine for a visit, for curiosity sake, but a bad place to get stuck in. IOW: Don't look down when climbing the cliff.

    We all walk the path of self discovery, that's the point. Blame and jealousy feed negativity and stagnation. Find new sandboxes, new playmates. They are waiting for you to turn from negativity to face them, to acknowledge them, to share in their joy.

   Regain your power  and let all those others who you would be angry with off the hook and set that newly released energy free.  Let that past be a launchpad to self acceptance and love, to celebration!. 

" Ladies and gentlemen, we have liftoff!" 

Hi, my story is very similar to your own. So I can relate. I think we go through a grieving process. Anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. And I don't think it's just grieving for the past. I believe I'm grieving for my future too. I had this dream/fairytale/hope and now that I know I'm autistic, I'm thinking that it's got even less of a chance of happening. 

You get to know yourself better as time goes on. What triggers you, how much self care/soothing you need to lessen the chance of overwhelm. What you need to avoid/lessen.  But I am more aware of my traits and differences now. Self love is important. 

Please know that you are not wrong. We are just different, and we are definitely not less. Xx

My situation is very similar in many ways. 

So many people could have picked up on it, but I made it quite hard by "masking" my difference very effectively. I tried so hard to be normal, to fit in. It's hardly a wonder that it was missed.

I hope that you come to realise that you are most definitely not 'wrong'.

Anger is understandable, but when it settles, please remember that you are not 'wrong'.

A lot of us felt the same way.

Try not to feel cross with your GP, I don't think they have much training regarding autism and it can be very difficult to detect in older females who have masked for decades.

I'm an older woman too, and when I realised I was on the spectrum I felt bewildered. I got through it by learning about autism, particularly how it affects women, and starting to do what I wanted and not care what people thought about me.

Keep posting and asking questions.

Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this ordeal. I  don't have any advice for you but please know you are not alone.

I am 66 years old and was diagnosed earlier this year after a protracted process. Like you, I've had depression, anxiety and OCD as well as some other conditions. Since I was 10, shortly after my first SA., I've been on a plethora of antidepressants and anxiolytics. None of the antidepressants has helped, in any way. The help I have obtained from the anxiolytics comes at a cost of addiction or worse. I currently take two antidepressants, one of which is prohibitively expensive. I take it to be "compliant" with my GP's instructions. I can't lie to her. If I don't take the medication she gets upset. That's my problem, with which to deal.

I haven't had the energy to process my diagnosis thus far. If, and when, I get around to processing my life through an autism lens I expect it is going to be difficult. Independent of the ASC diagnosis, I live each day in crisis mode. I get through each day one hour at a time. For me, the future corresponds to bedtime today, no further. Beyond my GP I have no support or even acknowledgement of my "issues"

I don't expect this will be of any help to you, I'm just providing it to let you know you are not alone. I feel for you, in my very limited way.

Please be kind to and take care.of yourself.

I was given my provisional diagnosis at 50 and I'm still awaiting on a confirmed diagnosis 4 years down the line. It seemed a relief, a reason for the lack of "fit". I'm not broken, just a little different. 

Like you I've experienced depression and anxiety for most if not all of my life and it has been a struggle.

I often feel the grief or loss of the life that could have been, I've been told not to discount the achievements I have made, which really isn't easy as it's just the daily grind and not something I've knowingly fought against.

It's incredibly difficult. You are not alone. I have Alexithymia and I can't experience happiness in a form that I can easily explain, I know there are people that care for me and would miss me if I wasn't here, even though i can't qualify the feeling.

You spoke of your GP, I was diagnosed with dysthymia at 18 and over the years it was decided that I had treatment resistant depression.

Roll on 32 years + and here we are.

I have an autistic son who tries me every day but I won't give up on him or myself.

I work and have a wife , 2 kids, 2 dogs and a house of my own and I still feel I don't belong, my place in the world seems denied. 

Diagnosis isn't a flash of redemption or a magic wand, we are who we are. It just gives you the confirmation of what you've felt your entire life.

I found that venting to a phycologist was the most beneficial thing I did, just let it out. It's surprising what you learn about yourself.

Good luck and take care 

Hi I am sorry you feel sad and angry. It is difficult after diagnosis I know a lot of people post that on here and I also had a difficult year after my diagnosis in 2018. I am 57 now. 

I haven't really got any answers for you but just wanted to say I relate to what you are saying and that it did get better for me after time. 

This is a good forum with some really kind people on it so I am sure you will find some comfort from sharing with others who understand and have gone through this too.

You will hopefully find that when you post on here you won't feel so alone.

Take care.