Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
I'm a 52 year old woman and recently diagnosed as autistic. I feel so sad and angry and am struggling. I've always known I was wrong and very different but just plodded along, tried to fit in.
I've had depression, anxiety and OCD since I was 19 but with no real relief from medication. If medicine doesn't work what does? I'm mourning the life I could have had if I'd had support all those years ago. I know times were different but I'm drowning in questions. Would I have stayed in my career longer, could I have saved my marriage, would my relationship with my 3 daughters be better, 2 of which are autistic? The list is endless.
Does the anger pass? My GP has been brilliant but I'm cross with him. I've had numerous chats with him over the years. Why didn't he pick up on it?
What difference will the diagnosis make? I feel too old for it to matter anymore. My mind feels scrambled and if I'm honest I'm scared for the future. How do I know if my symptoms are due to depression, anxiety, autism, ocd or the menopause?
I just feel very alone.
Thank you
I hope that you come to realise that you are most definitely not 'wrong'.
Anger is understandable, but when it settles, please remember that you are not 'wrong'.
A lot of us felt the same way.
thank you Mark. I feel very odd at the moment. I feel as though I am grieving, so daft. Thank you for your kind words, take care.
I know that this site isn't for everyone, but if you do decide to stick around, changing your username and profile picture would give you a bit more visibility and make you more memorable (the NASnumbers all look the same and are plagued with AI robots). This post will stay - it will just update your username.