Shaking hands with the unemployed...

Have you tried the new version of gabapentin. My brother is on that. He used to be very anxious. Avoiding people & only going out at night. He's now going out in the day to places with lots of people. He even put his profile on eHarmony & has been on dates.

Venlafaxine hasn't made me feel better and relaxed. I still feel anxious and I still feel useless at times.

Are you saying you worry that a woman would be put off that you took too long? Because if so, I don't think that's a problem. It could be a problem if it was over with too quickly.

If you aren't with anyone now can you call it a problem? If the medication makes you feel better & relaxed, eventually that could lead to you meeting someone. If you had chemistry with them, sex might not feel like such a chore. Although it's essential to be safe when you're with someone, a bit of spontaneity makes it less mechanical.

Even many men/women already in happy relationships still masturbate by themselves as well. Because they enjoy it.

That article suggests 80% of men in my age group do it... of course many of the others don't need to...

I'm coming off the venlafaxine, so hopefully this will help in that department. At any rate, it may well be linked to my own sexual anxiety - sexuality is a big part of my OCD (not gay feelings, but more longing and guilt over the longings...), so it's probably best that I spotted this problem now.

Last thing any sexual relationship needs is someone who needs an hour plus and someone else who gets it done in 20 minutes...

ClaireHig said:

laddie49 Is that true? I always thought that you could put your own name here, as you own it. It's your own personal data. And many sites such as facebook would demand that you only use your own real name. I can understand no email addresses here though, as they can be used to groom vulnerable people. 

See community.autism.org.uk/.../communityprofiles which states

Your alias is your public name in the Community. This allows you to remain anonymous. We strongly recommend that you use a name that can't be used to identify you.

I am guessing that the reasons for this may not be obvious to all autistic people who do not understand appropriate boundaries etc.

laddie49 said:

As to why the thread might cause embarassment I fail to understand why.

You and I might struggle to understand what other people might think because we both have autism! However, I don't think it is a huge stretch of imagination to think that someone might not want to people to think that they had written this sort of rather private and intimate stuff.

All men and women masturbate even if they deny it publicly I think.

There are exceptions to this. If you said most rather than all then I would agree. io9.gizmodo.com/how-often-men-and-women-masturbate-by-age-1583854130 says that it, like teenage sex, is not as common as people might think.

Recombinantsocks asked how often is "normal" to which I would say whenever your brain tells you to. The chemical messages from your body to your brain will guide you.

If you have read Portnoy's Complaint then I think you might agree that anything can be done to excess. However, this isn't the OP's problem as I understand it.

Laddie is a pseudonym by the way as should all "handles" be. It is against the house rules to use real names or addresses in posts as far as I am aware. Correct me if that is wrong.

Agreed. The issue here is that he has, albeit without any bad intent, used someone else's real name.

laddie49 Is that true? I always thought that you could put your own name here, as you own it. It's your own personal data. And many sites such as facebook would demand that you only use your own real name. I can understand no email addresses here though, as they can be used to groom vulnerable people. 

I am sure there are many Stephen Harris's in the world.

Best thing to do is to open a fresh account under a new pseudonym if you are concerned at all about this Stephen. As to why the thread might cause embarassment I fail to understand why. All men and women masturbate even if they deny it publicly I think.

Recombinantsocks asked how often is "normal" to which I would say whenever your brain tells you to. The chemical messages from your body to your brain will guide you.

Laddie is a pseudonym by the way as should all "handles" be. It is against the house rules to use real names or addresses in posts as far as I am aware. Correct me if that is wrong.

As an aside there is an article in the Guardian today on this subject.

Take care, Laddie.

StephenHarris said:

It's a pseudonym... Is there any easy way to change this?

I think you could try asking the moderators to get it changed - there isn't a facility for doing it yourself.

You could always put something in your profile to make it clear that your username is a pseudonym and that you are not the real Stephen Harris (whoever he might be)

Hi

BTW Mine isn't a pseudonym. I just don't know anyone for it to matter.

It's a pseudonym... Is there any easy way to change this?

Also, I am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow and will discuss it there. The stuff is coming out one way or the other...

PS, this sort of thing may cause emmbarassment to someone with (or without) autism (perhaps not yourself) called Stephen Harris - even if that isn't your real name you may want to change to a pseudonym.

With my venlafaxine, it is now taking me nearly an hour

This may suggest reviewing your meds or your technique or perhaps not regarding it as a chore to be done for health reasons. If the fun stops then stop - as they say on the gambling ads. It certainly doesn't need to be done too regularly but I don't know what your doctor has advised.

It was a woman, actually...

Hi Stephen,

I am delighted to hear you have spoken to your doctor about this and he has correctly advised you to start masturbating. This will alleviate all the symptoms you previously described including your sexual thoughts.

The anti-depressant tablets are the reason you are having trouble reaching a climax. I have direct experience of that myself. You might like to speak to your doctor again and discuss whether you can come off those safely. I assure you this will help immediately.

Good advice from Oblomov and I also have heard the advice that regular ejaculation is beneficial to prostate health. Just one more good reason to perfect your technique.

Good luck, take care, Laddie.

My father died suddenly when I was 17 and I don't have any close male friends, sadly. Or indeed any close friends.

Maybe you don't have a lock on your bedroom door or don't have a mother who goes out at set times. You may have a laptop/pad you could take to the bathroom with you, hidden discreetly under regular magazines. Or even brazenly take it & use it to play music to hide the noise (if any). Under the guise of needing a number 2. Most men seem to know of popular porn sites. Make sure you have an antivirus programme. Do the necessary & use loo roll to clear away the evidence. It's part of having hormones & nothing to feel guilty about. Feel a clear conscious that you didn't sleep with a woman who could've killed your unplanned baby. Abstaining from sex until you're married is admirable. It's just a shame you don't seem to have a male role model who you can talk to about this. I guess the church would want to steer well clear of this topic given its disturbing sex abuse past.

If you're particularly worried about mess & time taken. You could finish in the bath & shower off after.

I haven't come across this rather witty euphemism either!  I'm glad you also refer to it as "self-pleasure" rather than the stupid term "self-abuse" used in books when I was a boy.

I wonder if your medication is reducing your libido and therefore delaying ejaculation.  Unfortunately, it's a common side-effect of anti-depressants and some other prescription drugs.

It sounds like it's more of a chore than a pleasurable act for you?  Do you need to speed it up due to privacy concerns?  Ideally, one needs to be relaxed and unhurried with no fear of disturbance.  Be clear that what you are doing is perfectly natural and normal and should be an enjoyable experience.  Try experimenting with your body in different positions - lying on your back may be the most relaxing.

Your urge to climax will normally be governed by a combination of erotic thoughts (possibly encouraged by visual and/or aural stimulus) and the physical action of your hand(s).  I don't know how much sexual detail is allowed on this site, but if you Google something like "male masturbation techniques" you should find plenty tips on men's health websites. 

You may find using a lubricant helps - a bottle of baby oil from a supermarket is perhaps the cheapest.  This will also prevent any soreness if the procedure is taking a long time.

As for "disposing of the evidence" (which makes it sound like a crime!) toilet roll or flushable tissues are perhaps the best answer if you can't do your own washing.  They do tend to disintegrate however and you'll also need to wash any appropriate areas of your body.  You may find other suggestions on men's health forums.

Incidentally, the semen discharge you mention while on the loo is quite normal (even without venlafaxine) if you are not ejaculating regularly.  It now seems to be generally acknowledged that frequent ejaculation is beneficial to prostate health, so that's a very good reason even if you have no other!