Dealing with relationship rejection when having Aspergers?

I have Aspergers Syndrome, and there is a particular person that I have a crush on, and want to ask out on a date. However, I could be wrong, but I’ve got a feeling that they don’t like me (in that way) back. I’ve avoided asking them out up until now, because I’m really afraid that if they reject me, it will trigger feelings of self-hatred, both in terms of my appearance and myself as a person, as due to having Aspergers, I haven’t always found fitting in easy, and I’m afraid that being rejected in a relationship sense will bring all of these feelings flooding back quite badly. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with relationship rejection with having Aspergers?

Parents
  • Eh. Been there done that. Spent most of my youth crushing on girls from a distance. And some girls were openly interested and I was ignoring them for years. Two women told me that they did everything (except ask me out) to get my attention and that they were "over me". One actually was sitting in my dorm in a nightgown with perfume and I only noticed when she left. Another said, "why do you think I kept asking you for help in the art cupboard?'

    She likes you

     - a girl who likes you will be making excuses to be alone with you! Because they are comfortable.



    Getting past rejection.

    Practice on random women for your warm up. Complementing people/women.

    Complement random women in the street. (and walk off)

    Don't complement physical attributes, legs. Say something like, "Hi, I think you have a wonderful smile." Maintain a little eye contact and walk off.

    If this is too much

    Use a dating app to get used to talking to women. Anyway, that said I prefer OKCupid and "plenty of fish".

    Once you have enough courage, just ask her out and be prepared for a no. And also be prepared for a yes. (get number, think of a nice place to go)

  • Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the positive intent of this advice, and I know that each woman will be different in her response, but in the wrong situation there could be unintended and negative consequences. Just a few examples:

    Practice on random women for your warm up. Complementing people/women.

    1) It depends on what you consider a 'random' woman to be. If it's a woman who is a good friend and you are just complimenting them in an amiable way, that could be okay. If it's a co-worker, client or work colleague, just don't go there! If it's just some stranger you meet in the street then you have no idea how will they will receive your compliment - it depends entirely on the situation. Most female friends will probably not appreciate being used as practice for hitting on other women! If you have female friends, maybe just ask for their advice instead? 

    Complement random women in the street. (and walk off)

    2) Again, this varies from woman to woman, but if a stranger complimented me in the street and walked off I would be terrified. I would be shaking and watching my back all the way home. (I remember a guy followed me through town and waited until I was in a relatively quieter street before approaching me and complimenting me then repeatedly asking me out. I'm sure to him he thought he was picking the best time (for him!) but to me it felt very threatening.). Remember, complete strangers don't know your mind set - they don't know what your intentions are, and woman often have to feel like they are on guard. So be very careful about approaching women you don't know.

    Don't complement physical attributes, legs. Say something like, "Hi, I think you have a wonderful smile." Maintain a little eye contact and walk off.

    3) Even a compliment as seemingly innocuous as "you have a wonderful smile" could end you up in a lot of hot water if you don't know the woman. Again, it depends entirely on the situation and if the woman is a stranger or not.

    Just sharing my perspective as a woman - other women's opinions will certainly vary!

Reply
  • Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the positive intent of this advice, and I know that each woman will be different in her response, but in the wrong situation there could be unintended and negative consequences. Just a few examples:

    Practice on random women for your warm up. Complementing people/women.

    1) It depends on what you consider a 'random' woman to be. If it's a woman who is a good friend and you are just complimenting them in an amiable way, that could be okay. If it's a co-worker, client or work colleague, just don't go there! If it's just some stranger you meet in the street then you have no idea how will they will receive your compliment - it depends entirely on the situation. Most female friends will probably not appreciate being used as practice for hitting on other women! If you have female friends, maybe just ask for their advice instead? 

    Complement random women in the street. (and walk off)

    2) Again, this varies from woman to woman, but if a stranger complimented me in the street and walked off I would be terrified. I would be shaking and watching my back all the way home. (I remember a guy followed me through town and waited until I was in a relatively quieter street before approaching me and complimenting me then repeatedly asking me out. I'm sure to him he thought he was picking the best time (for him!) but to me it felt very threatening.). Remember, complete strangers don't know your mind set - they don't know what your intentions are, and woman often have to feel like they are on guard. So be very careful about approaching women you don't know.

    Don't complement physical attributes, legs. Say something like, "Hi, I think you have a wonderful smile." Maintain a little eye contact and walk off.

    3) Even a compliment as seemingly innocuous as "you have a wonderful smile" could end you up in a lot of hot water if you don't know the woman. Again, it depends entirely on the situation and if the woman is a stranger or not.

    Just sharing my perspective as a woman - other women's opinions will certainly vary!

Children