Dealing with relationship rejection when having Aspergers?

I have Aspergers Syndrome, and there is a particular person that I have a crush on, and want to ask out on a date. However, I could be wrong, but I’ve got a feeling that they don’t like me (in that way) back. I’ve avoided asking them out up until now, because I’m really afraid that if they reject me, it will trigger feelings of self-hatred, both in terms of my appearance and myself as a person, as due to having Aspergers, I haven’t always found fitting in easy, and I’m afraid that being rejected in a relationship sense will bring all of these feelings flooding back quite badly. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with relationship rejection with having Aspergers?

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  • Hi

    I have Asperger's too.

    I look at most things with logic and analysis - so apart from the abstract feeling of a crush, what do you know about this person?  Are they single?  Do they have similar interests as you?  Do you have similar interests as them?  Do they know you exist?  Is this purely a physical attraction thing?

    Also - like Schrodinger's Cat, the possibility of the relationship - or not - doesn't exist anywhere other than in your head until the second you ask the person out - then the decision becomes real.

    Until that second, you can fantasize about the other person, creating a false personality for them that works in your dreams - but may be very different from reality. 

    Fixating on one person but not acting upon it is really deluding yourself that you're in a relationship - and you may be wasting many opportunities to meet other people who may be more compatible with you.

    Being rejected by someone who you don't have a relationship with has nothing to do with self-hatred - it's about incompatibility.  I've met many people that I'm not compatible with - that's life - but I spend my time with those who fit better with me.

  • Until that second, you can fantasize about the other person, creating a false personality for them that works in your dreams - but may be very different from reality.

    And this. This all day long.

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