Dealing with relationship rejection when having Aspergers?

I have Aspergers Syndrome, and there is a particular person that I have a crush on, and want to ask out on a date. However, I could be wrong, but I’ve got a feeling that they don’t like me (in that way) back. I’ve avoided asking them out up until now, because I’m really afraid that if they reject me, it will trigger feelings of self-hatred, both in terms of my appearance and myself as a person, as due to having Aspergers, I haven’t always found fitting in easy, and I’m afraid that being rejected in a relationship sense will bring all of these feelings flooding back quite badly. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with relationship rejection with having Aspergers?

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  • Heya.  Asking someone out is a gamble, and rejection can hurt, especially with the intense feelings that come with Asperger's. But...

    You have to consider that  regretting NOT asking someone out can hurt more, in the long run.  I've been through several rejections and boy, does it sting to start with. But alongside the hurt comes self-respect, that you braved it. Try to feel that, rather than what you fear will be 'self-hatred'. Just because they might not want to go out with you, it doesn't mean all other love interests will also say 'no'.  What helped me was thinking 'there are plenty of people out there in the world, so, the probability is that a good handful would say 'yes'.

    Be kind to yourself, and if your crush is a nice person, they'll respect you for having the courage to ask them out.  And the rejection pain fades over the weeks, if you keep yourself busy. It's trying to weigh up - would you feel worse taking the leap and being turned down, or,  never asking them out, and then risking ongoing feelings of regret - 'what if I'd asked them out?'

    I should say, I'm a female with Asperger's, and so it may be different, depending what gender you are.    I have asked several guys out, and been rejected. Perhaps you could try to get a sense of whether they like you back. You wrote that you get the sense that your crush doesn't like you back.  Has s/he done noticeable things that suggest that? Remember that your gut feelings are important. Though I know that having Asperger's can make it really hard to work out exactly what your gut feelings are...  Speaking as a girl, we tend to make it quite clear when we fancy someone.
    sorry for the long reply.

Reply
  • Heya.  Asking someone out is a gamble, and rejection can hurt, especially with the intense feelings that come with Asperger's. But...

    You have to consider that  regretting NOT asking someone out can hurt more, in the long run.  I've been through several rejections and boy, does it sting to start with. But alongside the hurt comes self-respect, that you braved it. Try to feel that, rather than what you fear will be 'self-hatred'. Just because they might not want to go out with you, it doesn't mean all other love interests will also say 'no'.  What helped me was thinking 'there are plenty of people out there in the world, so, the probability is that a good handful would say 'yes'.

    Be kind to yourself, and if your crush is a nice person, they'll respect you for having the courage to ask them out.  And the rejection pain fades over the weeks, if you keep yourself busy. It's trying to weigh up - would you feel worse taking the leap and being turned down, or,  never asking them out, and then risking ongoing feelings of regret - 'what if I'd asked them out?'

    I should say, I'm a female with Asperger's, and so it may be different, depending what gender you are.    I have asked several guys out, and been rejected. Perhaps you could try to get a sense of whether they like you back. You wrote that you get the sense that your crush doesn't like you back.  Has s/he done noticeable things that suggest that? Remember that your gut feelings are important. Though I know that having Asperger's can make it really hard to work out exactly what your gut feelings are...  Speaking as a girl, we tend to make it quite clear when we fancy someone.
    sorry for the long reply.

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