I have Aspergers Syndrome, and there is a particular person that I have a crush on, and want to ask out on a date. However, I could be wrong, but I’ve got a feeling that they don’t like me (in that way) back. I’ve avoided asking them out up until now, because I’m really afraid that if they reject me, it will trigger feelings of self-hatred, both in terms of my appearance and myself as a person, as due to having Aspergers, I haven’t always found fitting in easy, and I’m afraid that being rejected in a relationship sense will bring all of these feelings flooding back quite badly. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with relationship rejection with having Aspergers?
I am not a believer in 'instant attraction'being a good indicator of long term friendships or relationships.
Do you know whether this person is not in a relationship anyway? I think that is one of the things that causes most embarrassment.
I think you would have to find some common ground first and be able to start up a conversation. Real life is not like Coronation Street where everyone in the street has in the past had a relationship with everyone else.
You need to be able to find some reason to talk to this person. How well do you know them? Do you see them regularly and not started a conversation yet? Is it someone you see at the bus stop, or in a shop? Whatever, I don't think just coming out and saying 'Would you want to come out with me' to be the way forward.
Conversation is often very difficult for autistic people. I know how very difficult I used to find it. However, as I have got older I have become far less self conscious, but I talk to people not wanting a relationship with them. I can talk to people at the bus stop (mainly because every day it is the same people and we sort of 'know' each other, after all I have been seeing them nearly every day for the past ten years. So if the bus is late, or the weather is very bad, or something unusual happens someone might begin a conversation and it will just develop to cover lots of different things.
For example, you might be able to start a conversation if you see this person struggling with something. Offer to help. Comment on the difficulties the person seems to be having. But however you start the conversation, you will have to do it. Above all, be polite and friendly.
But you have to be able to accept rejection is possible for any number of reasons. That is why you need to be able to converse. Finding out you get along before going on a date will increase your chances of being successful. But even if you met someone at a singles night you might not be siuccessful. Unfortunately, that is what life is all about.