I feel useless - rant

This is good Ems you have taken the first step by announcing what your problems are and reflecting on the fact that you are turning down opportunity after opportunity. Stop this and you will be less lonely. Simple accept help. Your autistic give yourself a break. Don't torture yourself I've been there and it was hell but I kept choosing it over and over. Autism just makes us develop differently and neurologically but it's not a limitation. When an autistic person reaches a certain age they often stop worrying about things like loneliness and depression anxiety. Alcohol? I'll tell you I have drank alcohol most of my early twenties and I felt it taught me a lot of lessons on it. I still drink occasionally. But I don't feel need for it in all social occasions like I used to

Hi Ems,

I can relate about… 100% of what you said. It wouldn’t go below that number. When feeling like this the thing is it all feels pretty much all at once and all together. It’s really REALLY hard and it feels one is completely alone. BUT, and I capitalise it, it’s not a permanent feeling. Then comes something that changes it and you feel better. I’m not talking about drinking and feeling better. That’s a fake “better”. I’m talking about a new special interest that shifts your mood and starts fascinating you. Or maybe something you read in a book trying to find some glim hope. Or a new idea you got you think can change everything even if it’s not going to. You know how hard this is the same way as many other people in this community and myself. Do your best bearing in mind how you feel, who you are and where you’re coming from. It’s a long journey full of hurdles and at times very painful but there are some rewards that feel so good. Let this message soak through slowly. You’re not as alone as you think you are.

Hello Ems,

you are not useless at all but struggling in a world that is often unable to accept that some people see and think differently. I am looking for work and keep being rejected which is soul destroying at times but I carry on. Have you considered volunteering? I have always done this and went for a long walk around the moors on Sunday while litter picking. This allows me to get away from people and re-charge my battery's. I am afraid family's are not always understanding but that is their problem not yours. You have nothing to feel ashamed off. I am proud to be autistic and would not change this for the world.        

Hi Ems 

You are already doing something incredibly brave, you're reaching out, that takes guts.

I admire the way you are able to lay it all down.

Please don’t be ashamed, you’re doing your best even if it doesn’t feel like it.

You’re not alone, and you’re still valued just as you are.

Alcohol releases GABA and dopamine, so makes you feel relaxed and gives you reward.

It feels good at the time, but lowers your mood the next afternoon.

It affects your sleep, upsetting deep REM sleep, plus causes inflammation.

It upsets your natural hormone balance if used too much and it takes a few months to get it back.

Interesting. Yes alcohol seems to help many autistic people for a time. I question how much this actually helps though. It seems common for young autistic men and women to feel particularly bummed out when it comes to loneliness and isolation. Yeh I get what you mean about what if things were different and I wasn't autistic but also what if a lot of things? Autism will have taught you things and others things. It likely wasn't because you were autistic but just because things happen a certain way and there isn't always an answer why. Autism is actually not the problem autism is fine this is what I learned anyway with some age and maturity I learned that autism is a mild difference in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes we take life too seriously we should all stop that if possible. Because it's not that serious.

I meant to quote you before my comments …

Unknown said:

One reason why I value this forum is that at least I realise others are unfairly treated and misunderstood as well. Sounds bad I guess, but it is mildly comforting

You’ve worked it out anyway. 

Thanks for gifting me a new word :-)

I think it applies better as well.

Yes! It’s not that we rejoice in others’ suffering; there is comfort in shared experiences.

A formal definition of ‘comforting’ is ‘inspiriting’. It feels like a good definition of what this forum means to me.

I have had similar feelings and experiences to some of yours, these days not so much, especially since my ASD diagnosis last December because it explained so much of why I struggled. This forum helped too, and although we may have had diverse experiences, most people here are autistic and would wish the best for you, because we we understand some of your feelings.

It’s common here, and natural to think about what might have been if you hadn’t been born autistic. I am hoping you aren’t beating yourself up over something you have no control over, but I understand why you think about it. 

I can’t add anything further to others’ comments and advice. 

I am 32, I have cerebral palsy, I have been working with a personal trainer for 6-7 months and today I took a massive step in fixing my disability. I am actually elite at finding the right support I need, once I have gotten away from my *** parents and rebuilt my relationship with my extended family members. 

I felt like you for about 20 years. It just takes time,10 years ago I passed my driving test, start seeing a therapist with my benefit money, meet another autistic therapist. It takes time to rebuild yourself. And through all that I didn't know I was autistic because I didn't socialize enough with people, just sat in my room. But now I have just laid to rest the disability which my parents used to keep me dependent on them. 

You can do it too. Why do you have to talk to people? Why do you have to get a job? Why can't you just be on your own and autistic for a bit, stop putting needless pressure on your inner self, tell them you love them and that you are trying to help them. You don't feel safe in yourself to talk to people, to get a job. That isn't your autism, that you not feeling able to be kind to yourself. 

Hi, I feel like I can relate. I'm not sure how much help I can be to you, but I really feel like finding things that make me feel like me really help. A hobby like crafts, singing, watching your favourite show, something that brings a smile to your face. Concentrating on any positives you can is always good and once you start to get positive feelings, you get positive thoughts and that is how you gain confidence. It's all about putting one food in front of the other. I know it's easier said than done and I'm still fighting a battle myself but I just wanted to really say that being kinder to yourself is really important.  

I feel similar. Sad, low in energy and barely going outside. Also avoiding describing my life at all.

One reason why I value this forum is that at least I realise others are unfairly treated and misunderstood as well. Sounds bad I guess, but it is mildly comforting: I am not crazy, and it is not just me feeling this bad.

I think I have suffered much more than most people that know me, to let their judgements fall over me like rain. It is fair to think about your actions, but account for your differences, for your suffering, mental and physical health.

I ended up sometimes craving to be someone else, blaming myself and being dangerously close to give up.

Not because I hate myself (deep down I like being who I am) but because pressures are very high to be just like everybody else. To cope for either work or being social etc.

But I need to understand why I am so broken first, to then recover my health. And many are so blind to it, but then again, most havent gotten this bad and it is hard to be empathetic.

What has helped me so far, is dedicating my time to something I like. Trying to do it as much as possible. In my case it is writing programs.

Many times without eating nearly at all, sometimes with little sleep or crazy nightmares where people hate me, but that is my hope: stick to what I love, and where I feel safer. Sometimes I dont want to do even that (programming). Those are quite bad days.

But maybe you can also stick to something you enjoy, and feel welcome and not judged here.

Hello.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

You need to look at what you feel guilty about and what you are ashamed of. This is not a criticism.

Guilt and shame are internal things, they are things you say to yourself. This means you are in control of them. What if you just said to yourself, "So what, I don't care, I'm me, I did the best I could?" Would the world end, would anything change? Is the guilt and shame serving you? No.

Grief is harder. There is no quick solution to that, you have to come to terms with it. But if you wait another 5 years will the grief be more or less? So the issue is to mourn what has been lost, but make the most of what is to come. You are in charge of your own destiny. It is not easy, but valuable things aren't. This is what is eating you. Deep down you know this. You body is gnawing at you to get you to move.

Screw the embarrassment. Would anyone in your position with your issues and history have done better? No. You did the best you could have done. Why should you be embarrassed about that? You should feel a sense of achievement. You made it to this point where you have a choice.

Put yourself at the centre. Don't people please, don't be deliberately obnoxious, but do what's right for you.

If you had a blank sheet of paper tomorrow, you had no issues, what would you like? These are your goals. They may be big and hard, but they are what you want. You will need to break them down into little steps. But if you can do one baby step a day or every other day, you will make progress 

You are struggling to leave the house because you think people will judge you. It is because you have judged you so harshly. The other people don't care. You can go out. It doesn't matter what they think. You don't know them, you won't see them again. Pick one place to go, then go there. Make up your mind the night before, write it down, get up and do it, no excuses. Give yourself a reward afterwards, pat yourself on the back, tell yourself 'Well done'. Then do the next one.

Find one thing you are good at, cooking, art, music, writing, puzzles, history, whatever. Note how good you are and how to get better.

Write down a positive list, the things you have done. It will be better than you think.

Try to stop lying. If you do lie, acknowledge to yourself you are doing it and why. This put you in control. Do not lie to yourself. This requires honesty and toughness and courage. Say out loud what your issues are. Say them again. Recognise and own them. They are not things yourself hide or be ashamed of. They are part you. They are things to find ways to make better.

Say what your fears are. Look at where they are coming from.

You know what to do, you are just scared.

You'll either think this is wishy washy self help nonsense, or you'll hate it. But sleep on it and think about it.

There is no magic wand. It is up to you. If you want things to be better, start making them better. You can do it.

Ask for help. Talk. Face things. Stand tall. You are stronger than you think. If you start moving forwards you will feel better. You don't feeling control, so get control of something, it will help.

Let the real you out. You don't need to keep them hidden.

I am not criticising. I want you to do well. You want you to do well else you would not have posted this. You can do it. Don't go crazy and get burnt out, but start doing things.