• Replies 14 replies
  • Subscribers 88 subscribers
  • Views 552 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

I feel useless - rant

Ems

I feel useless


Another day of doing nothing but sitting trapped with my thoughts, anxiety, depression, loneliness and guilt. It’s eating me alive. I feel completely useless.

I can’t leave the house without crippling anxiety. I can’t be in any social or work environment without anxiety and panic taking over me.

I can’t talk to other people, not properly, not a proper conversation with a friend, without alcohol.

I feel like I’m constantly letting people down. My family. Friends. I say no to everything. I cancel everything. I can’t bare the responsibility of things.

I feel so ashamed of how I’ve ended up. I lie to family about why I don’t have a job. I lie saying I’ve looked. I lie saying I’m doing certain jobs. They won’t understand. I don’t even care if they will judge me or think I’m being lazy or making things up. I can’t physically say the words.

They think I sit around at home all day having the time of my life. It’s not that simple. I’m wracked with guilt and shame and embarrassment and grief over what could have been. How I could have been if I wasn’t autistic.

I don’t know what to do.

Parents

  • Interesting. Yes alcohol seems to help many autistic people for a time. I question how much this actually helps though. It seems common for young autistic men and women to feel particularly bummed out when it comes to loneliness and isolation. Yeh I get what you mean about what if things were different and I wasn't autistic but also what if a lot of things? Autism will have taught you things and others things. It likely wasn't because you were autistic but just because things happen a certain way and there isn't always an answer why. Autism is actually not the problem autism is fine this is what I learned anyway with some age and maturity I learned that autism is a mild difference in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes we take life too seriously we should all stop that if possible. Because it's not that serious.

  • in reply to Bananatropics26

    Alcohol releases GABA and dopamine, so makes you feel relaxed and gives you reward.

    It feels good at the time, but lowers your mood the next afternoon.

    It affects your sleep, upsetting deep REM sleep, plus causes inflammation.

    It upsets your natural hormone balance if used too much and it takes a few months to get it back.

Reply
  • in reply to Bananatropics26

    Alcohol releases GABA and dopamine, so makes you feel relaxed and gives you reward.

    It feels good at the time, but lowers your mood the next afternoon.

    It affects your sleep, upsetting deep REM sleep, plus causes inflammation.

    It upsets your natural hormone balance if used too much and it takes a few months to get it back.

Children
No Data