• Replies 14 replies
  • Subscribers 88 subscribers
  • Views 552 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

I feel useless - rant

Ems

I feel useless


Another day of doing nothing but sitting trapped with my thoughts, anxiety, depression, loneliness and guilt. It’s eating me alive. I feel completely useless.

I can’t leave the house without crippling anxiety. I can’t be in any social or work environment without anxiety and panic taking over me.

I can’t talk to other people, not properly, not a proper conversation with a friend, without alcohol.

I feel like I’m constantly letting people down. My family. Friends. I say no to everything. I cancel everything. I can’t bare the responsibility of things.

I feel so ashamed of how I’ve ended up. I lie to family about why I don’t have a job. I lie saying I’ve looked. I lie saying I’m doing certain jobs. They won’t understand. I don’t even care if they will judge me or think I’m being lazy or making things up. I can’t physically say the words.

They think I sit around at home all day having the time of my life. It’s not that simple. I’m wracked with guilt and shame and embarrassment and grief over what could have been. How I could have been if I wasn’t autistic.

I don’t know what to do.

Parents

  • Hi Ems,

    I can relate about… 100% of what you said. It wouldn’t go below that number. When feeling like this the thing is it all feels pretty much all at once and all together. It’s really REALLY hard and it feels one is completely alone. BUT, and I capitalise it, it’s not a permanent feeling. Then comes something that changes it and you feel better. I’m not talking about drinking and feeling better. That’s a fake “better”. I’m talking about a new special interest that shifts your mood and starts fascinating you. Or maybe something you read in a book trying to find some glim hope. Or a new idea you got you think can change everything even if it’s not going to. You know how hard this is the same way as many other people in this community and myself. Do your best bearing in mind how you feel, who you are and where you’re coming from. It’s a long journey full of hurdles and at times very painful but there are some rewards that feel so good. Let this message soak through slowly. You’re not as alone as you think you are.

Reply

  • Hi Ems,

    I can relate about… 100% of what you said. It wouldn’t go below that number. When feeling like this the thing is it all feels pretty much all at once and all together. It’s really REALLY hard and it feels one is completely alone. BUT, and I capitalise it, it’s not a permanent feeling. Then comes something that changes it and you feel better. I’m not talking about drinking and feeling better. That’s a fake “better”. I’m talking about a new special interest that shifts your mood and starts fascinating you. Or maybe something you read in a book trying to find some glim hope. Or a new idea you got you think can change everything even if it’s not going to. You know how hard this is the same way as many other people in this community and myself. Do your best bearing in mind how you feel, who you are and where you’re coming from. It’s a long journey full of hurdles and at times very painful but there are some rewards that feel so good. Let this message soak through slowly. You’re not as alone as you think you are.

Children
No Data