I feel useless - rant

Hello.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

You need to look at what you feel guilty about and what you are ashamed of. This is not a criticism.

Guilt and shame are internal things, they are things you say to yourself. This means you are in control of them. What if you just said to yourself, "So what, I don't care, I'm me, I did the best I could?" Would the world end, would anything change? Is the guilt and shame serving you? No.

Grief is harder. There is no quick solution to that, you have to come to terms with it. But if you wait another 5 years will the grief be more or less? So the issue is to mourn what has been lost, but make the most of what is to come. You are in charge of your own destiny. It is not easy, but valuable things aren't. This is what is eating you. Deep down you know this. You body is gnawing at you to get you to move.

Screw the embarrassment. Would anyone in your position with your issues and history have done better? No. You did the best you could have done. Why should you be embarrassed about that? You should feel a sense of achievement. You made it to this point where you have a choice.

Put yourself at the centre. Don't people please, don't be deliberately obnoxious, but do what's right for you.

If you had a blank sheet of paper tomorrow, you had no issues, what would you like? These are your goals. They may be big and hard, but they are what you want. You will need to break them down into little steps. But if you can do one baby step a day or every other day, you will make progress 

You are struggling to leave the house because you think people will judge you. It is because you have judged you so harshly. The other people don't care. You can go out. It doesn't matter what they think. You don't know them, you won't see them again. Pick one place to go, then go there. Make up your mind the night before, write it down, get up and do it, no excuses. Give yourself a reward afterwards, pat yourself on the back, tell yourself 'Well done'. Then do the next one.

Find one thing you are good at, cooking, art, music, writing, puzzles, history, whatever. Note how good you are and how to get better.

Write down a positive list, the things you have done. It will be better than you think.

Try to stop lying. If you do lie, acknowledge to yourself you are doing it and why. This put you in control. Do not lie to yourself. This requires honesty and toughness and courage. Say out loud what your issues are. Say them again. Recognise and own them. They are not things yourself hide or be ashamed of. They are part you. They are things to find ways to make better.

Say what your fears are. Look at where they are coming from.

You know what to do, you are just scared.

You'll either think this is wishy washy self help nonsense, or you'll hate it. But sleep on it and think about it.

There is no magic wand. It is up to you. If you want things to be better, start making them better. You can do it.

Ask for help. Talk. Face things. Stand tall. You are stronger than you think. If you start moving forwards you will feel better. You don't feeling control, so get control of something, it will help.

Let the real you out. You don't need to keep them hidden.

I am not criticising. I want you to do well. You want you to do well else you would not have posted this. You can do it. Don't go crazy and get burnt out, but start doing things.

Hello.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

You need to look at what you feel guilty about and what you are ashamed of. This is not a criticism.

Guilt and shame are internal things, they are things you say to yourself. This means you are in control of them. What if you just said to yourself, "So what, I don't care, I'm me, I did the best I could?" Would the world end, would anything change? Is the guilt and shame serving you? No.

Grief is harder. There is no quick solution to that, you have to come to terms with it. But if you wait another 5 years will the grief be more or less? So the issue is to mourn what has been lost, but make the most of what is to come. You are in charge of your own destiny. It is not easy, but valuable things aren't. This is what is eating you. Deep down you know this. You body is gnawing at you to get you to move.

Screw the embarrassment. Would anyone in your position with your issues and history have done better? No. You did the best you could have done. Why should you be embarrassed about that? You should feel a sense of achievement. You made it to this point where you have a choice.

Put yourself at the centre. Don't people please, don't be deliberately obnoxious, but do what's right for you.

If you had a blank sheet of paper tomorrow, you had no issues, what would you like? These are your goals. They may be big and hard, but they are what you want. You will need to break them down into little steps. But if you can do one baby step a day or every other day, you will make progress 

You are struggling to leave the house because you think people will judge you. It is because you have judged you so harshly. The other people don't care. You can go out. It doesn't matter what they think. You don't know them, you won't see them again. Pick one place to go, then go there. Make up your mind the night before, write it down, get up and do it, no excuses. Give yourself a reward afterwards, pat yourself on the back, tell yourself 'Well done'. Then do the next one.

Find one thing you are good at, cooking, art, music, writing, puzzles, history, whatever. Note how good you are and how to get better.

Write down a positive list, the things you have done. It will be better than you think.

Try to stop lying. If you do lie, acknowledge to yourself you are doing it and why. This put you in control. Do not lie to yourself. This requires honesty and toughness and courage. Say out loud what your issues are. Say them again. Recognise and own them. They are not things yourself hide or be ashamed of. They are part you. They are things to find ways to make better.

Say what your fears are. Look at where they are coming from.

You know what to do, you are just scared.

You'll either think this is wishy washy self help nonsense, or you'll hate it. But sleep on it and think about it.

There is no magic wand. It is up to you. If you want things to be better, start making them better. You can do it.

Ask for help. Talk. Face things. Stand tall. You are stronger than you think. If you start moving forwards you will feel better. You don't feeling control, so get control of something, it will help.

Let the real you out. You don't need to keep them hidden.

I am not criticising. I want you to do well. You want you to do well else you would not have posted this. You can do it. Don't go crazy and get burnt out, but start doing things.