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I feel useless - rant

Ems

I feel useless


Another day of doing nothing but sitting trapped with my thoughts, anxiety, depression, loneliness and guilt. It’s eating me alive. I feel completely useless.

I can’t leave the house without crippling anxiety. I can’t be in any social or work environment without anxiety and panic taking over me.

I can’t talk to other people, not properly, not a proper conversation with a friend, without alcohol.

I feel like I’m constantly letting people down. My family. Friends. I say no to everything. I cancel everything. I can’t bare the responsibility of things.

I feel so ashamed of how I’ve ended up. I lie to family about why I don’t have a job. I lie saying I’ve looked. I lie saying I’m doing certain jobs. They won’t understand. I don’t even care if they will judge me or think I’m being lazy or making things up. I can’t physically say the words.

They think I sit around at home all day having the time of my life. It’s not that simple. I’m wracked with guilt and shame and embarrassment and grief over what could have been. How I could have been if I wasn’t autistic.

I don’t know what to do.

Parents

  • This is good Ems you have taken the first step by announcing what your problems are and reflecting on the fact that you are turning down opportunity after opportunity. Stop this and you will be less lonely. Simple accept help. Your autistic give yourself a break. Don't torture yourself I've been there and it was hell but I kept choosing it over and over. Autism just makes us develop differently and neurologically but it's not a limitation. When an autistic person reaches a certain age they often stop worrying about things like loneliness and depression anxiety. Alcohol? I'll tell you I have drank alcohol most of my early twenties and I felt it taught me a lot of lessons on it. I still drink occasionally. But I don't feel need for it in all social occasions like I used to

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  • This is good Ems you have taken the first step by announcing what your problems are and reflecting on the fact that you are turning down opportunity after opportunity. Stop this and you will be less lonely. Simple accept help. Your autistic give yourself a break. Don't torture yourself I've been there and it was hell but I kept choosing it over and over. Autism just makes us develop differently and neurologically but it's not a limitation. When an autistic person reaches a certain age they often stop worrying about things like loneliness and depression anxiety. Alcohol? I'll tell you I have drank alcohol most of my early twenties and I felt it taught me a lot of lessons on it. I still drink occasionally. But I don't feel need for it in all social occasions like I used to

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