I always experience the idealized love in my daydreams deeper than the reality. This often leaves me somehow not satisfied. Having my pattern recognition, seeing the difference between my idealized love in my mind and the real love I just work on myself to firstly accept the fact that it is what it is, secondly recognize what’s the core of the problem, and then I try to balance it - see what my husband or I actually can change, and what I have to leave in my fantasy world. I’m not sure if it’s helpful, or if it has anything to do with autism or not at all, maybe NTs also experience it similarly. 

Try looking up the 5 languages of love and see which you both are then you maybe able to work on feeling that you're emotional needs are met.

I think most of us are more than capable of connecting emotionally with people, but maybe this disconnect between you has less to do with ND and more to do with the relationship stage your at, how long you've been together and all the same things you'd have with an NT partner?

I am wondering why you married this man, if you don't believe you have an emotional connection? Did you have it when you met, but you feel it's been lost since you got married? That happens with lots of relationships, not just ones with ND partners.

I can't really advise as you don't say what your unmet needs are, or what his are either. If you just tell him there is "a lack of connection" how can he guess what to do about that?

 But in answer to your question, yes, autistic adults do have and understand emotional connection. You just have a normal relationship issue.

The intellect overwhelms and suppresses the emotional core. I know. It's a living hell. 

Have you seen the film 'Adam' with Hugh Dancy and Rose Byrne? I watched this with my wife. Opened our eyes, I think, as to how hard relationships are in general, let alone across (or indeed within) the neurodiversity spectrum. 

A

I Don’t know there is no easy answers I have a friend who I struggle to connect with who is also autistic. 

I’m autistic, my two adult children are both autistic, and my husband has many autistic traits but no diagnosis. We feel a deep emotional connection to each other - so I don’t think you can really generalise. 
Ultimately - whether someone in a relationship is autistic or not - it’s important that that you are happy in the relationship and feeling loved and cared for. If you’re very unhappy and your partner cannot meet your essential needs in the relationship then it has to be addressed. Very hard - but you can’t just accept a relationship that causes you so much unhappiness.

NAS91496 said:

Is an emotional connection not possible in an ND relationship?

I suggest you take responsibility for the part you are playing within this breakdown of communications.

Going to a couples counsellor might help.

Just the fact that you believe an emotional connection might not be possible 'in an ND relationship' worries me.

I've had deep and meaningful relationships with NDs and NTs.

The person I've spent the afternoon with is autistic, as am I, and we have been close loving friends for 30 years and are very supportive of one another.

I am also happily married (to an allistic).

Do Autistic adults understand emotional connection?

Of course we do.

I hope I'm not alone in finding that question rather patronising.

NAS91496 said:

He just talks about whether I am meeting his unmet needs which are just idealistic and not a basic need.

Really?

Maybe listen a bit more closely to what he is saying and try to address his own needs that he believes you may not be meeting.

You seem to be defining his needs for him.

It takes two to tango.

NAS91496 said:

Is an emotional connection not possible in an ND relationship?

I can't understand why you might think this - have you thought about the fact that this might be simply relationship based and not related to his autism.

You seem rather over critical of him.

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