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Have our lives been stolen from us?

Desolate 2

To all the other single, jobless or not 30 somethings out there,

Do you feel like life has passed you by?  Where normies had social lives, had fun, got decent jobs, had families,

people like us fell through the cracks, living in others' shadows, persecuted for invisible differences and resigned to crappy job placements or stuck on the dole, trapped in our own boxes and too odd to be considered feasible friends, lovers, partners, etc.

  • in reply to Mark

    Did you ask her if she'd be comfortable with said offer beforehand? I have known of female friends (who are not single) who would feel a bit iffy about me sending them gifts, even if it's just in a friendly context.

    Not because they wouldn't appreciate it but because of the optics. A card should be fine but anything beyond that, I'd probably be a bit more careful.

  • in reply to HMO

    She was a fellow drama group member who I was friendly with. We'd talked about the possibility of spending time together outside of drama group but hadn't actually done so. She knew I wasn't trying to initiate a romantic relationship, she was married.

  • I'm still known in my local community; even though I hardly venture out, anymore.

    To be honest, I'm concerned about the direction we're facing.

  • I do feel like life has passed me by, for sure. But blaming society for not including us is a rough bet. Is our struggling to fit in a symptom of society's failures? Maybe. The purpose of a community is to promote mutual growth through using the strengths of some to cover for the weaknesses of others, after all. On the other hand, putting the responsibility on the community to accept and embrace us is Social Darwinism at work. If we stop making an effort to fit in, then instead of society, we take responsibility for our alienation entirely upon ourselves.

    I'm here on this site because I feel lonely, isolated and directionless. I'm hoping through engaging with you all here, opportunities to overcome that will present themselves. I'd like to make friends with people who understand what I'm going through. Learn from people who have overcome problems I'm facing. And hopefully before too long, figure out how to fit in with a larger community.

  • I thought I had "made it" in my 20s - no career success, but I was married and felt I had a good family life and a few friends. In my 30s it all went horribly wrong - husband made redundant from his job, we were on benefits, family & friends turned against us. It only started getting better after I turned 40. I sympathise with you and hope life gets better for you soon

  • in reply to Mark

    It depends on the friendship level whether or not it's appropriate to give a gift. I take it that you are male, and because she is female she may have been wondering if you were trying to initiate a romantic relationship when she didn't want that type of relationship with you.

    Friendships are extremely complicated.

    Here is an article explaining the 4 levels of friendship and what to expect:

    socialself.com/.../

  • in reply to Mark

    I feel there's more context to it than just that though. Was this someone who was merely a colleague or someone who had already expressed that they didn't want you to speak to them on that level?

  • The same, if not worse, exists within the gay community, speaking from my own experiences as an older gay man, given the experiences that I’ve had within the gay community up to 18 years ago. For me as a traditional Catholic, it is a moral issue, one of moral and ethical values and that those in power have lost their moral compass and are morally bankrupt.

  • Yes. I definitely feel as if life is passing me by. And definitely persecuted for differences that I'm not even aware of. I even got told once that someone felt uncomfortable because I'd offered her a birthday present! Do neurotypicals not offer people birthday presents? What's so different about me doing it!!?