How do you deal with ignorant comments?

Cognitive behavioral therapy..pfft. NHS should introduce Corleone behavioral therapy. Wouldnt even have to change the initials on the paperwork.

Doctor:  "I'll make you a offer you can't refuse..it's called CBT. Now never speak a word about this to anyone.Capische. 

**two weeks later**

Patient:" I feel healthier than a horses head, thanks Doc!"

Who leaked this cctv footage from my mental health appointment ?

I was so angry when I read this and this is why our community gets so much bother.I currently am going through a police case and council case where no one understands how someone with Autism deals with day to day matters.

Your colleague I would have thought has-

1- Breached the Equality Act 2010.

2- Is using discrimitary language.

3- Is not making reasonable adjustments.

You may need to go to your HR or line manager and ensure you do not put up with this nonsense.

Chin up you are the better person

Like a man. Oh Vito, Vito, Vito..

Hang on in there and keep smiling Iris.  

Thanks Iris, actually it didn't take any guts at all, asking her that question gave me time to take several deep breaths so as not to strangle her, she's someone I see fairly often and try to avoid. I'm glad that the person at work thought about your exchange and is being more accepting now, maybe think on it not as ignorance as such, but about how well you've masked in the past.

I'm open about being autistic, I tell most people, if they're going to go off on one about it, then I'd rather they did it sooner rather than later and then I don't have to put more energy into things.

SpikeyMark said:

The best reaction that I got was from the teenage daughter of a friend who knows me quite well, which was along the lines of "yes, and?" Didn't make the slightest bit of difference to her, but in a good way

This raises a very good point.

What are we expecting from people when we tell them? Why should they care?

I started by telling a few people at work and in my family and soon realised that few people care and trying to explain it just results in many losing interest at best or thinking you are a freak at worst.

It seems a symptom of a largely uncaring society and something we cannot fix - at best we can try to disseminate a bit more information that may lead to compassion but this is something decades in the making.

My reactions were largely indifference. The best reaction that I got was from the teenage daughter of a friend who knows me quite well, which was along the lines of "yes, and?" Didn't make the slightest bit of difference to her, but in a good way

It absolutely is a long path and I’m cool with it, it would just be great if others were too. 

just so nice to be heard and understood about our shared experiences!  

Yeah I think they had. Uhane elsewhere in the comments mentioned that I shared something with this person that they couldn’t process and that does make sense…not even sure what I expected them to say. Probably “oh ok. Cool” like my brother did  

I just have to be more mindful sharing with people. Lesson learnt. 

They were a lot more open to learning about it today. I think perhaps they’d thought about it last night. They said that it made sense to them about how I do certain things in my workplace and helped them understand me more. 

that’s a horrible comment you received but good on you for challenging them. That takes guts! 

Iain said:

A good approach is to ask an open ended question that isn't too confrontational - something line "why do you think that? I'm genuinely curious".

I really like this, in the future when I feel able I’ll definitely try this. 

I saw the same person today and they asked me if I was ok with them asking me more about my autism and how it affects me. I think they must have thought about our conversation last night and they seemed open to learning about it which I appreciate. 

You’re right about them not necessarily knowing how to process it. It is entirely possible that I surprised them yesterday, and that was a bit unfair of me I suppose. Just blurting it out. My brain wasn’t engaged I don’t think. 

Hey, Iris - that's great to hear. It does sound like she'd thought a bit more about it.

Yeah, I think I was feeling comfortable around this person, we were chatting a lot and they were telling me how someone they know is so similar to me in how they act and it just popped out. Occasionally when I’m comfortable annd confident around someone my mouth overshares things before my brain engages. This was one of those times I think. 

I saw the same person again today at work and believe they actually may have thought about the whole thing last night. They spoke with me about my diagnosis, they asked me questions after asking me if I was ok with them doing so. It felt a lot more positive like they wanted to learn. I still wish I hadn’t told them, but I don’t feel as foolish as I did yesterday. 

Ultimately I want to be secure enough in myself to push back on peoples comments. Respectfully of course. But you’re absolutely right about workplace hierarchy, I work for a big company and have been bullied in the past. So like you say I think only a need to know basis is the best way for me. At least at this time.  

Thank you for your advice

Mr T said:

I am a very literal person I take most things at face value and have been crushed by comments and criticisms pre-diagnosis. I foolishly believed that disclosure would help me to achieve a happier work

This sums up exactly how I’ve felt. I’m an honest person, and I expect to be treated the way I would treat others and that just doesn’t happen. I really need to get my head around that. 
I will certainly learn from confiding in someone too soon after diagnosis, though I worked with the same person today and I think they must have spent their evening thinking about what I told them as they seemed more understanding in my “ways” and how it all relates. Baby steps I guess. It’s all still so new to me. 

I’m so glad you’re getting the support you deserve from your work though and hope it continues 

 think the worst comment I had was 'but you are normal aren't you?' I did challenge the person, but she's not the brightest of sparks to begin with, so it didn't go well. I do challenge people, often by asking them what they think autism is, they often dont' really know, or think of the worst cases they may have seen on tv.

If your collegue thinks these things are so normal, maybe they are for him, because like you he might be autistic too and not know? I do wonder how many more autistic adults there are out there who've never been diagnosed and would never seek diagnosis because they mask so effectively they even mask from themselves?

I think this is the one thing that causes us so much heartache and wasted (valuable to us) energy spent worrying and analysing other peoples comments. I recently found out about a work colleague who was diagnosed as ADHD. It explained a lot of their difficulties. This knowledge helped me reframe my own thoughts.

Secondly as I am a very literal person I take most things at face value and have been crushed by comments and criticisms pre-diagnosis. I foolishly believed that disclosure would help me to achieve a happier work life but now find my managers and HR calling me incapable of doing my job because I requested a single office as a safe space for me to control my environment and to escape sensory overwhelm.

More positively I have been supported by occupational health and understanding from the disability advisor. I have been temporarily redeployed into a made up position. However, I have received support and understanding.

I guess what I am trying to say and echo previous comments to choose your battles to one where you will have the fight to survive this neurotypical world we find ourselves in.

Some people are just doubtful and skeptical of certain things. I wouldn't just tell people about a diagnosis, unless they need to know about it, like if the managers at work need to know about a health condition so that they could modify job duties to accommodate your needs. 

If something is very important to you, and opening up about it would make you feel vulnerable, and that receiving any negative comments on it would make you feel miserable, then I would recommend only sharing it on a need-to-know basis. 

But if you are secure enough in yourself and your values, you will have the confidence to push back on their comments, and take the consequences that may come from voicing your thoughts and opinions.

The hierarchy of the workplace is something to consider as well, if they respect you as an equal, they'll take your thoughts into consideration. If they are bullies who look down on you and other people, they might just make fun of you.

But if the diagnosis is still new and you're learning about it, I would suggest to keep it private for now, until you know enough about it to feel secure. 

iris said:

I hope to have that same confidence to tell work people eventually and challenge their views.

A good approach is to ask an open ended question that isn't too confrontational - something line "why do you think that? I'm genuinely curious".

It gives them a chance to reflect your curiosity and admit they don't actually know that much or will let them open up to reflect a firm bias / prejudice that will let you steer clear of them in future.

I would advse going against the "re-education" approach as I have seen this go badly too many times. We have to pick our battles and having arrogant colleagues annoyed at us for being preachy isn't one to waste energy on.

That's just my experience and opinion though. You do you.