Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, my first post so bear with me! :)
I was diagnosed in April this year at 38. It didn’t really come as a shock to me or my family. I was pleased in a way because I know the reason I am the way I am, and now I try to embrace my true self because I feel I’ve masked enough during my life.
I’ve struggled today though. I told a “trusted” colleague at work and was met with an attitude that has made me wish I hadn’t. They questioned whether I was actually medically diagnosed (I am but it shouldn’t matter?) they then said that the differences I have and struggle with are “things everyone deals with lumped under the name of autism”. I was gobsmacked by this comment.
I feel completely foolish that I trusted this person when usually I’m extremely private. Although I am aware that it’s their problem and not mine. I just wished I’d kept quiet. I thought this person would be supportive - how wrong I was.
No one else is aware of my autism at work and I’ve been reluctant to tell others because it doesn’t affect my work and I believe peoples attitudes will change around me. I’ve occasionally heard people use the terms “spectrum” and “autistic” as a means to insult others. This offends me and scares me into not saying anything.
I realise I’m lucky that I have my immediate family’s support, not everyone has that and I appreciate it. I just wonder if anyone else has struggled with telling friends, colleagues etc? How did you deal with ignorant comments?
I think this is the one thing that causes us so much heartache and wasted (valuable to us) energy spent worrying and analysing other peoples comments. I recently found out about a work colleague who was diagnosed as ADHD. It explained a lot of their difficulties. This knowledge helped me reframe my own thoughts.
Secondly as I am a very literal person I take most things at face value and have been crushed by comments and criticisms pre-diagnosis. I foolishly believed that disclosure would help me to achieve a happier work life but now find my managers and HR calling me incapable of doing my job because I requested a single office as a safe space for me to control my environment and to escape sensory overwhelm.
More positively I have been supported by occupational health and understanding from the disability advisor. I have been temporarily redeployed into a made up position. However, I have received support and understanding.
I guess what I am trying to say and echo previous comments to choose your battles to one where you will have the fight to survive this neurotypical world we find ourselves in.
Mr T said:I am a very literal person I take most things at face value and have been crushed by comments and criticisms pre-diagnosis. I foolishly believed that disclosure would help me to achieve a happier work
This sums up exactly how I’ve felt. I’m an honest person, and I expect to be treated the way I would treat others and that just doesn’t happen. I really need to get my head around that. I will certainly learn from confiding in someone too soon after diagnosis, though I worked with the same person today and I think they must have spent their evening thinking about what I told them as they seemed more understanding in my “ways” and how it all relates. Baby steps I guess. It’s all still so new to me.
I’m so glad you’re getting the support you deserve from your work though and hope it continues