Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, my first post so bear with me! :)
I was diagnosed in April this year at 38. It didn’t really come as a shock to me or my family. I was pleased in a way because I know the reason I am the way I am, and now I try to embrace my true self because I feel I’ve masked enough during my life.
I’ve struggled today though. I told a “trusted” colleague at work and was met with an attitude that has made me wish I hadn’t. They questioned whether I was actually medically diagnosed (I am but it shouldn’t matter?) they then said that the differences I have and struggle with are “things everyone deals with lumped under the name of autism”. I was gobsmacked by this comment.
I feel completely foolish that I trusted this person when usually I’m extremely private. Although I am aware that it’s their problem and not mine. I just wished I’d kept quiet. I thought this person would be supportive - how wrong I was.
No one else is aware of my autism at work and I’ve been reluctant to tell others because it doesn’t affect my work and I believe peoples attitudes will change around me. I’ve occasionally heard people use the terms “spectrum” and “autistic” as a means to insult others. This offends me and scares me into not saying anything.
I realise I’m lucky that I have my immediate family’s support, not everyone has that and I appreciate it. I just wonder if anyone else has struggled with telling friends, colleagues etc? How did you deal with ignorant comments?
You trusted someone with something they had no way of processing. Ignorance can be corrected with knowledge.
If you had liked this person up till the time your told them of your diagnosis, give them them a chance and send them some links they can use to understand. Engage with them to help them understand.
If they resist - they have already decided to stick with contempt and skip the investigation.
This is valuable info for you to have, too: It says You are not important enough to them to bother going into new territory to get to know.
Don't judge them, just know that the only way someone else can hurt your feelings is you give them permission to.
we are all busy with our own challenges.
I saw the same person today and they asked me if I was ok with them asking me more about my autism and how it affects me. I think they must have thought about our conversation last night and they seemed open to learning about it which I appreciate.
You’re right about them not necessarily knowing how to process it. It is entirely possible that I surprised them yesterday, and that was a bit unfair of me I suppose. Just blurting it out. My brain wasn’t engaged I don’t think.