Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, my first post so bear with me! :)
I was diagnosed in April this year at 38. It didn’t really come as a shock to me or my family. I was pleased in a way because I know the reason I am the way I am, and now I try to embrace my true self because I feel I’ve masked enough during my life.
I’ve struggled today though. I told a “trusted” colleague at work and was met with an attitude that has made me wish I hadn’t. They questioned whether I was actually medically diagnosed (I am but it shouldn’t matter?) they then said that the differences I have and struggle with are “things everyone deals with lumped under the name of autism”. I was gobsmacked by this comment.
I feel completely foolish that I trusted this person when usually I’m extremely private. Although I am aware that it’s their problem and not mine. I just wished I’d kept quiet. I thought this person would be supportive - how wrong I was.
No one else is aware of my autism at work and I’ve been reluctant to tell others because it doesn’t affect my work and I believe peoples attitudes will change around me. I’ve occasionally heard people use the terms “spectrum” and “autistic” as a means to insult others. This offends me and scares me into not saying anything.
I realise I’m lucky that I have my immediate family’s support, not everyone has that and I appreciate it. I just wonder if anyone else has struggled with telling friends, colleagues etc? How did you deal with ignorant comments?
Some people are just doubtful and skeptical of certain things. I wouldn't just tell people about a diagnosis, unless they need to know about it, like if the managers at work need to know about a health condition so that they could modify job duties to accommodate your needs.
If something is very important to you, and opening up about it would make you feel vulnerable, and that receiving any negative comments on it would make you feel miserable, then I would recommend only sharing it on a need-to-know basis.
But if you are secure enough in yourself and your values, you will have the confidence to push back on their comments, and take the consequences that may come from voicing your thoughts and opinions.
The hierarchy of the workplace is something to consider as well, if they respect you as an equal, they'll take your thoughts into consideration. If they are bullies who look down on you and other people, they might just make fun of you.
But if the diagnosis is still new and you're learning about it, I would suggest to keep it private for now, until you know enough about it to feel secure.
Yeah, I think I was feeling comfortable around this person, we were chatting a lot and they were telling me how someone they know is so similar to me in how they act and it just popped out. Occasionally when I’m comfortable annd confident around someone my mouth overshares things before my brain engages. This was one of those times I think.
I saw the same person again today at work and believe they actually may have thought about the whole thing last night. They spoke with me about my diagnosis, they asked me questions after asking me if I was ok with them doing so. It felt a lot more positive like they wanted to learn. I still wish I hadn’t told them, but I don’t feel as foolish as I did yesterday.
Ultimately I want to be secure enough in myself to push back on peoples comments. Respectfully of course. But you’re absolutely right about workplace hierarchy, I work for a big company and have been bullied in the past. So like you say I think only a need to know basis is the best way for me. At least at this time.
Thank you for your advice