Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone else feel like this? It’s so hard to regulate emotions after someone screamed at me or I had a misunderstanding and feel like a total idiot and loser for not understanding or asking questions. Strong light, sounds of scanners, people talking and laughing loud, strollers being moved on the floor and many other sounds that usually don’t make me feel disregulated today made me crazy and crying I had to hide so no one sees me crying. It was so hard to calm down and soothe myself. I pressed my forehead with my hands and sat for few minutes. This is why I feel like a child in an adult body. Terribly embarrassing. I’m high functioning- I’m a child functioning in adult world and trying to cope. Does anyone have any thoughts, advice, experience, stories to share, I’ll be happy.
There are days when I can cope with being screamed at, I scream back, but it does leave me felling unsettled sometimes for days after. I get that feeling of being a child in an adults body too, I think it's because, like you, I'm not an effing mind reader, if people can't, don't or won't explain themselves why do they get upset when nobody understands them? There are times when I hide, or go for a drive somewhere because the car's the only place I can be on my own, thats assuming of course that nobody tries being an ***, like pretending they don't know where reverse gear is when they're driving on a single track road. It can take me days to recover from a meltdown or near melt down, it can take days for one to manifest too, I can feel it building, if only people wouldn't ask me stupid questions and left me alone things would be alright.
Another thing, is that I often feel like the only adult and everybody expects me to look after them and their needs and expects me not to have any needs of my own. I end feeling like a camel who's having straws piled on its back to see how many it takes to break it.
You put it in words perfectly! I absolutely relate to this too!