Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone else feel like this? It’s so hard to regulate emotions after someone screamed at me or I had a misunderstanding and feel like a total idiot and loser for not understanding or asking questions. Strong light, sounds of scanners, people talking and laughing loud, strollers being moved on the floor and many other sounds that usually don’t make me feel disregulated today made me crazy and crying I had to hide so no one sees me crying. It was so hard to calm down and soothe myself. I pressed my forehead with my hands and sat for few minutes. This is why I feel like a child in an adult body. Terribly embarrassing. I’m high functioning- I’m a child functioning in adult world and trying to cope. Does anyone have any thoughts, advice, experience, stories to share, I’ll be happy.
I'm in my mid 20s. There's some parts where I feel grown up, but so many things I can't do. I can drive, but I can't cook. I can't iron my own clothes or do shoelaces.
A lot of that is because I'm too ashamed to ask and if I do ask, I get judged or dismissed.
I'm terrible at regulating my emotions if someone said something to upset me. I turn into someone who wants to scream or throw something.
Yes, I start crying like a little girl if someone shouts. This is well known to me from my past, but now after long break I have tough time at work. It’s so hard to regulate. Plus today morning (before my mistake and misunderstanding) I was just sitting staring out the window and one colleague approached me, touched me, looked me in the eyes and asked “why are you so sad?”. I felt treated by her like a child. I hate it! I answered everything is fine and left asap. And there is also a lot of miscommunication: “move it” - “ok, where I should move it?” - “just move it, don’t be so complicated!”. Am I complicated because I ask the person where the item should be moved/taken? It turned out he wanted me to move it a meter left. Do he could say it. Instead of being upset that I don’t read his mind.
Yeah, I start to spiral if someone is rude to me. Even if they don't realise, because I can't physically confront them.
I struggle with those too, because I don't know what they're like and what they could do to me. If I'm with someone, then that's a different story.
I’m generally not confrontational but there are exceptions.
1, if it’s a stranger and they are rude to me
2, if a stranger is really up close in my space
3, if a stranger nicks my car park space
4, if a stranger tries to push in front of me
I don’t do confrontation with people I’m familiar with (accept my wife who I have to be ready at all times for)