Published on 12, July, 2020
and I have to post on an online forum because I cannot speak to my friends about it and they are probably tired and bored of my stuff now anyways. I am being kept at an arms distance anyways. I feel so alone.
people that are being loved and with good lives are being killed or die in accidents and I am just wasting space and air.
Oh no don’t say that, you’re very valuable. You are loved. I guess your friends might be distancing themselves because they don’t know how to help. Once you get yourself together your friends won’t be keeping you at arms length anymore. You just gotta figure out what’s bothering you and get some help. You’re not wasting space at all. You deserve to be here as much as the next person you’re no better or worse than anyone else. You’re right people who are loved are dying in accidents and from other causes. That’s why life is valuable and precious. If you need to talk to someone we’re all here for you on the forums. This is a safe place to be.
I will never get myself together and I am never invited to anything special. I am just A friend, I am not really important to anyone. I could just vanish and very quickly I would be forgotten.
I am so broken so that I am being refused diagnosis, which says a lot.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I am getting help, but it won't change that I have personality disturbances and sever complex trauma. I am so damaged that I won't ever find love
thank you for your kind words, but life just sucks for me
Sorry to hear the state you are in, most of us with any disability were in a similar state to you because we were convinced by the majority that we're 'less human'.
I just stopped caring about what everyone else thought about my life and started caring more about my own values. There's no objective definition of what 'quality of life' is, the people we see as people with the greatest lives can have a lower quality of life than ourselves.
Overall, quality of life is self-determined, it depends on how we view life. Like when younger I saw disability as a bad thing, but once I changed my point of view and how I looked at disability I stopped seeing it as a bad thing or as something wrong with me, I just began seeing it as a part of life.
Sorry about that, constant apologizing is a common tract in people that lived in abusive environment. Abusive people love to make their victims feel so unwanted that they feel the need to apologize about existing.
There are a lot of resources available on Reddit about C-PTSD, maybe you can check them out.
It's not you dude. It's me having had to be this way around what used to be family. Constantly misunderstanding, miscommunicating and getting mad at me. I'm still trying to unmask the faux person I was and it comes back through incessant apology as it was how I protected myself most of my life, if that makes any sense.
Mate, please, stop walking on eggshells around me. I am an adult, not a fragile little snowflake. There is no need to apologise for such a comment.
I apologize if I came off rude as it wasn't my intention. I was simply giving context to the connotation of what you wrote when I saw a negative and wanted to explain it to help both you and the people your trying to help. This wasn't an attack, just an observation. I hope you understand and I'll shut about it now. Thank you for letting me know how to check who did what.
You can click on the number to check the voters, if you really care about that (I do not).
I don't know who gave you a negative but I'll explain why they did. What your statement implied was sympathy which is the equivalent of if someone said "I just lost my youngest son" and you said "Well at least you have 1 left." It sounds brutal but humans understand subconsciously, the context of words and statements(especially when reading them from another person) even if they aren't aware of it. Phases like 'It flows off the tongue incorrectly' emphasize that truth. I apologize if I said anything that came off as offensive. I consider everyone like us to be in the same boat and don't wish to put anyone down, just help if I can. I didn't want you wondering why someone gave a negative my guess is sympathy instead of empathy.Empathy is if someone said "I just lost my youngest son" and you said "I cannot fathom your loss, I'm here for you whenever you need me." That shows you care and doesn't add negative connotations to the subtext of your message if that makes sense.
Awesome answer Catwoman. *Slap*!!
Extra bonus for the concept of being "pathologised"
My box of sharp retorts just got another long "phillps screwdriver"..
I've never understood the term "personality disorders", it seems like a catch all diagnosis for people who are obviously suffering that don't fit into a discrete pigeon hole, like bi-polar for example. Who told you you have '..personality disturbances.'? I was once asked by someone if I thought I had a personality disorder and I told them that after years of therapy, hard work on self development and the money I'd spent on it, it was an expensive personality and I was sticking with it because I like who I am now and if they didn't like me they could go and boil thier head and stop trying to pathologise me.
completely agree here ! i had this conversation with myself yesterday, whilst im having kind of unusual interactions with peiple throughout the day, i feel a little bit uneasy.. but when i go away on my own i think 'i could adapt who i am constantly to fit every person i dont quite gel properly with, but Im a great person and im awesome, so why would i? now and then we meet a person who we will get on great with and its worth just being our authenti selves to wait to meet that one person , because if we did adapt who we were, we wouldnt gel with the right person when we do meet them'
if anyone wants to inbox me , im only ever semi busy. only sleep a few hours so available most of the time on whatsapp for a chat or support or whatever <3
NAS80873 said:I wrote NAS and never received a response.
It may be just down to the way you phrased the request.
It always helps to be specific with what you need help with, even if it is just for one aspect of a legion of issues you are dealing with.
It is unlikely that you could adope an approach to solve a load of problems at the same time, but finding one at a time and taking them on is likely to have an effect.
I've been where you are now and I only found the way out by finding the positive things in life, however tenuous (eg looking forward to the next coffee break at work, or to feed the squirrels in the park) and find ways to cope with the dark stuff one bit at a time.
Never expect anyone to come along and help you - seek it out, ask for it and work with them on the issue if they are up for helping - there are still good people out there who do this.
Most of us are autistic and mental on here, so this is a club where you should feel right at home.
You say you've had years of therapy and now you've been diagnosed as ASD, well I'd say that shows the therapy is working, because you've stripped away enough layers of accumulated trauma to start finding the real you. ASD isn't a death sentence, its a state of being, OK there's some people you don't get on with and have moved away from, thats what happens in life, especially when you enter therapy. The point of therapy is to become more authentically you, if others don't like your authenticity then pity them, not yourself.
I bet that a lot of people on here would want to be your friend. You should ask someone. Friends are so important, and even if you can't have in-person friends, online friends help too. Also, it sometimes is easier to connect to people through text (also sometimes harder).
i feel a bit like this a lot of the time, seems like any time i try to interact socially i just freak people out they dont know what i am they dont know how to respond and it feels like they dont want to talk to me and want me to go away, it makes me feel like i should just stay by myself all the time which tends to lead to loneliness and depression... are you keeping on top of self care - food exercise sleep?
You are connecting here well enough.
If you've got Autism to a similar extent to me, your problem is the speed of real world communication plus all the lying and meaningless crap you have to wade though, PLUS of course the miscommunicatiosn that can make every attempt to "Straighten up and lfy right" to end in disaster.
Have I got that right?
Yeh I know it’s not as easy as ‘leaving it all behind you’. Sometimes you’ve got to accept what you can’t change. That’s a hard thing to do. Accepting the past for what it is is hard but not impossible. Sometimes it does take time to do that though. You said you find it hard to connect with others. Do you struggle with bonding with people your own age too? I sometimes struggle with that too. I guess I do feel inhibited at times and like it’s hard to just chat. When I was a kid adults were always saying ‘cat got your tongue?’. Which just means can you not speak? I felt like I couldn’t which lead me to feeling defeated and beaten. So I can understand where your coming from in that sense.
At least you can afford therapy. Count your blessings.
I have to many problems and to much damage. I have been in therapy for years and it is not getting better. Finding out that I am autistic doesn't make it better because now I know that I wasn't imagining it, but that I am so alone and isolated and disconnected because I am autistic too and not just broken because of my childhood.
People say I need to leave it all behind me that it's not how it works.
Sorry to hear you feel that way. I used to feel the same way but I kept fighting and I with age and maturity I began to feel a bit better. I didn’t want to be here at one point but I realised I had to keep fighting so I could make something of my life because I had the motivation somewhere inside to make something of my life. I’m not there yet but life has been better. All I can say is it does get better if you work on yourself by doing stuff like walks, listen to music, drink water and go to social events/groups. It sounds like you have low self esteem. When you were saying about other people being loved. These people you’re talking about probably only have the success they do in life because it started with loving themselves first. That might be the root of your issues. Try loving yourself and forgiving yourself. Not one of us is perfect. We all have our flaws and mistakes in life.
I wrote NAS and never received a response. I need help and support, but I have to do everything by myself. I have no family or anyone.