Published on 12, July, 2020
and I have to post on an online forum because I cannot speak to my friends about it and they are probably tired and bored of my stuff now anyways. I am being kept at an arms distance anyways. I feel so alone.
people that are being loved and with good lives are being killed or die in accidents and I am just wasting space and air.
Oh no don’t say that, you’re very valuable. You are loved. I guess your friends might be distancing themselves because they don’t know how to help. Once you get yourself together your friends won’t be keeping you at arms length anymore. You just gotta figure out what’s bothering you and get some help. You’re not wasting space at all. You deserve to be here as much as the next person you’re no better or worse than anyone else. You’re right people who are loved are dying in accidents and from other causes. That’s why life is valuable and precious. If you need to talk to someone we’re all here for you on the forums. This is a safe place to be.
I will never get myself together and I am never invited to anything special. I am just A friend, I am not really important to anyone. I could just vanish and very quickly I would be forgotten.
I am so broken so that I am being refused diagnosis, which says a lot.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I am getting help, but it won't change that I have personality disturbances and sever complex trauma. I am so damaged that I won't ever find love
thank you for your kind words, but life just sucks for me
Sorry to hear you feel that way. I used to feel the same way but I kept fighting and I with age and maturity I began to feel a bit better. I didn’t want to be here at one point but I realised I had to keep fighting so I could make something of my life because I had the motivation somewhere inside to make something of my life. I’m not there yet but life has been better. All I can say is it does get better if you work on yourself by doing stuff like walks, listen to music, drink water and go to social events/groups. It sounds like you have low self esteem. When you were saying about other people being loved. These people you’re talking about probably only have the success they do in life because it started with loving themselves first. That might be the root of your issues. Try loving yourself and forgiving yourself. Not one of us is perfect. We all have our flaws and mistakes in life.
Sorry to hear the state you are in, most of us with any disability were in a similar state to you because we were convinced by the majority that we're 'less human'.
I just stopped caring about what everyone else thought about my life and started caring more about my own values. There's no objective definition of what 'quality of life' is, the people we see as people with the greatest lives can have a lower quality of life than ourselves.
Overall, quality of life is self-determined, it depends on how we view life. Like when younger I saw disability as a bad thing, but once I changed my point of view and how I looked at disability I stopped seeing it as a bad thing or as something wrong with me, I just began seeing it as a part of life.