I hate my life, being autistic and so broken that the NHS won't touch me

Oh no don’t say that, you’re very valuable. You are loved. I guess your friends might be distancing themselves because they don’t know how to help. Once you get yourself together your friends won’t be keeping you at arms length anymore. You just gotta figure out what’s bothering you and get some help. You’re not wasting space at all. You deserve to be here as much as the next person you’re no better or worse than anyone else. You’re right people who are loved are dying in accidents and from other causes. That’s why life is valuable and precious. If you need to talk to someone we’re all here for you on the forums. This is a safe place to be.

I will never get myself together and I am never invited to anything special. I am just A friend, I am not really important to anyone. I could just vanish and very quickly I would be forgotten. 

I am so broken so that I am being refused diagnosis, which says a lot. 

I don't want to be here anymore. 

I am getting help, but it won't change that I have personality disturbances and sever complex trauma. I am so damaged that I won't ever find love

thank you for your kind words, but life just sucks for me

well, I have been told that I have personality disturbances. Which is so demeaning, but probably just explains why I am so ***** up [edited by moderator]

Awesome answer Catwoman. *Slap*!!

Extra bonus for the concept of being "pathologised"

My box of sharp retorts just got another long "phillps screwdriver"..

I've never understood the term "personality disorders", it seems like a catch all diagnosis for people who are obviously suffering that don't fit into a discrete pigeon hole, like bi-polar for example. Who told you you have '..personality disturbances.'? I was once asked by someone if I thought I had a personality disorder and I told them that after years of therapy, hard work on self development and the money I'd spent on it, it was an expensive personality and I was sticking with it because I like who I am now and if they didn't like me they could go and boil thier head and stop trying to pathologise me.

completely agree here ! i had this conversation with myself yesterday, whilst im having kind of unusual interactions with peiple throughout the day, i feel a little bit uneasy.. but when i go away on my own i think 'i could adapt who i am constantly to fit every person i dont quite gel properly with, but Im a great person and im awesome, so why would i? now and then we meet a person who we will get on great with and its worth just being our authenti selves to wait to meet that one person , because if we did adapt who we were, we wouldnt gel with the right person when we do meet them'

if anyone wants to inbox me , im only ever semi busy. only sleep a few hours so available most of the time on whatsapp for a chat or support or whatever <3

NAS80873 said:

I wrote NAS and never received a response.

It may be just down to the way you phrased the request.

It always helps to be specific with what you need help with, even if it is just for one aspect of a legion of issues you are dealing with.

It is unlikely that you could adope an approach to solve a load of problems at the same time, but finding one at a time and taking them on is likely to have an effect.

I've been where you are now and I only found the way out by finding the positive things in life, however tenuous (eg looking forward to the next coffee break at work, or to feed the squirrels in the park) and find ways to cope with the dark stuff one bit at a time.

Never expect anyone to come along and help you - seek it out, ask for it and work with them on the issue if they are up for helping - there are still good people out there who do this.

Most of us are autistic and mental on here, so this is a club where you should feel right at home.

You say you've had years of therapy and now you've been diagnosed as ASD, well I'd say that shows the therapy is working, because you've stripped away enough layers of accumulated trauma to start finding the real you. ASD isn't a death sentence, its a state of being, OK there's some people you don't get on with and have moved away from, thats what happens in life, especially when you enter therapy. The point of therapy is to become more authentically you, if others don't like your authenticity then pity them, not yourself.

I bet that a lot of people on here would want to be your friend. You should ask someone. Friends are so important, and even if you can't have in-person friends, online friends help too. Also, it sometimes is easier to connect to people through text (also sometimes harder).

I bet that a lot of people on here would want to be your friend. You should ask someone. Friends are so important, and even if you can't have in-person friends, online friends help too. Also, it sometimes is easier to connect to people through text (also sometimes harder).