Published on 12, July, 2020
I opened up to my therapist yesterday about how I grew attached to her. I said I saw her as like a maternal figure and I wished that I had the components she has as an individual in a friend.
She appreciated my honesty and bravery, and she understood where I was coming from.
What I found interesting was that I felt quite emotional *after* the session (as well as during it) because I found it quite hard to cope with the reality of the fact she's never going to be anything other than my therapist.
It's a funny time in my life as I have no support network (for reasons I'm unwilling to go into - it is partly through choice), so I've leant on her as the only person I'm willing to open up to about anything. I'm trusting of her, I know she's not judging me, and she'll validate the things I'm feeling.
Maybe something to bring up next week. I think there's a degree of grief - I know that if the sessions ended tomorrow or she had to take an extended break, I'd be a complete wreck. I've been disregulated whenever she's taken time out before (obviously not her fault, more mine for the situation I'm in).
Going back to Freud, this is the biggest complication in therapy: Transference.
The byproduct of the goal of therapy being to end the relationship. It is understandably hard, but they should be helping you learn to make healthy, peer-based connexions.
It would kill me if I ever had to cancel a session. I don't really get to talk to anyone else about anything, so it's all I have.
I would miss mine a huge amount, even if I was in a better place when we parted.
Yeah, the embarrassment and discomfort I had has gone but the sentiments I express in my OP are stronger now.
I obviously accept that ethically she's never going to be my friend but I still feel sad. And I still wish she was.
We still talk about it though.
I don’t have a therapist but my youngest son does. I take him once a week and after the session me and her have a chat or a phone conversation the next day. She only works with Neurodivergent clients. I have learned a lot from her and she always messages me to check in. I would miss her dearly to be honest and so would my son.
I had talk therapy/CBT across many years which didn't work for me at all. I didn't feel like I could be myself, it was like talking to an authority figure as opposed to someone who's like a friend.
I just hope that the day my sessions end will be a mutual thing. We're not tied to like 12 free sessions or whatever.
I'm glad you have such an understanding and supportive therapist. That's good and I hope she continues to help you through the things you are feeling.
My first therapist wasn't much of it. I had a feeling he was very anti autism. I had three sessions with him and then sought a new therapist, luckily after a short four month wait I got a female therapist a lovely woman called Sarah.
The first couple of sessions I hardly spoke but slowly I started to trust her and saw her as more of a friend but not in a creepy way, just someone I could talk to and trust no matter what. I told her this and she also appreciated my honesty.
I still see her, once a week and she helps me more than I ever thought possible. I feel very lucky to have got her as a therapist and admittedly I do dread the day when I no longer get to see and talk to her.
I don't know how or if I'll cope.
That’s her job so it’s not a problem if you can afford it. I always struggle with knowing that they’re only being nice to me because it’s their job which is why I was surprised she got emotional when we ended.
But seriously she is there to be your crutch and there’s no shame in it.
I managed to double book myself recently and had to cancel a session ... I didn't handle it well. It is weird that I find therapy soooo hard, but it is such a release from the issues that build up, that the absence is ... dysregulating ... to say the least.
We had a 9 week break last summer which I coped quite badly with, and it'd probably be the same if the sessions ended before I wanted them to.
I know I'll be using her for as long as I need to because I don't want anyone in my personal life to take on the burden of being like a therapist.
I can understand this.
My therapy ended in January. The last session was odd as we both knew we’d be saying goodbye and at the end she got slightly emotional but I did a weird handshake goodbye thing. Proper Sheldon Cooper stuff.
And now I feel adrift because she was the only person who really had any insight into my life and I have no one to help me process things.