Published on 12, July, 2020
I opened up to my therapist yesterday about how I grew attached to her. I said I saw her as like a maternal figure and I wished that I had the components she has as an individual in a friend.
She appreciated my honesty and bravery, and she understood where I was coming from.
What I found interesting was that I felt quite emotional *after* the session (as well as during it) because I found it quite hard to cope with the reality of the fact she's never going to be anything other than my therapist.
It's a funny time in my life as I have no support network (for reasons I'm unwilling to go into - it is partly through choice), so I've leant on her as the only person I'm willing to open up to about anything. I'm trusting of her, I know she's not judging me, and she'll validate the things I'm feeling.
Maybe something to bring up next week. I think there's a degree of grief - I know that if the sessions ended tomorrow or she had to take an extended break, I'd be a complete wreck. I've been disregulated whenever she's taken time out before (obviously not her fault, more mine for the situation I'm in).
I'm glad you have such an understanding and supportive therapist. That's good and I hope she continues to help you through the things you are feeling.
My first therapist wasn't much of it. I had a feeling he was very anti autism. I had three sessions with him and then sought a new therapist, luckily after a short four month wait I got a female therapist a lovely woman called Sarah.
The first couple of sessions I hardly spoke but slowly I started to trust her and saw her as more of a friend but not in a creepy way, just someone I could talk to and trust no matter what. I told her this and she also appreciated my honesty.
I still see her, once a week and she helps me more than I ever thought possible. I feel very lucky to have got her as a therapist and admittedly I do dread the day when I no longer get to see and talk to her.
I don't know how or if I'll cope.
I had talk therapy/CBT across many years which didn't work for me at all. I didn't feel like I could be myself, it was like talking to an authority figure as opposed to someone who's like a friend.
I just hope that the day my sessions end will be a mutual thing. We're not tied to like 12 free sessions or whatever.