Published on 12, July, 2020
I opened up to my therapist yesterday about how I grew attached to her. I said I saw her as like a maternal figure and I wished that I had the components she has as an individual in a friend.
She appreciated my honesty and bravery, and she understood where I was coming from.
What I found interesting was that I felt quite emotional *after* the session (as well as during it) because I found it quite hard to cope with the reality of the fact she's never going to be anything other than my therapist.
It's a funny time in my life as I have no support network (for reasons I'm unwilling to go into - it is partly through choice), so I've leant on her as the only person I'm willing to open up to about anything. I'm trusting of her, I know she's not judging me, and she'll validate the things I'm feeling.
Maybe something to bring up next week. I think there's a degree of grief - I know that if the sessions ended tomorrow or she had to take an extended break, I'd be a complete wreck. I've been disregulated whenever she's taken time out before (obviously not her fault, more mine for the situation I'm in).
Going back to Freud, this is the biggest complication in therapy: Transference.
The byproduct of the goal of therapy being to end the relationship. It is understandably hard, but they should be helping you learn to make healthy, peer-based connexions.