How much of your personality have you had to surrender, to fit into Nt societies conception of ,what a human being should be?

I am basically  a recluse these days.  I still have ambitions of being something in their world.  But i don't imagine they will come to much. I would be happy with the bare minimum. I did once have quite a few friends but it's so, so draining.

You sound extremely down. I get extremely low moods too.  It's awful.

I remember wanting to be a dancer/choreographer. I am unemployed right now since Oct 2022.

I used to have to suppress a lot of who I was to get by, especially at school and in my previous workplace.

Now I don't suppress any of it really- that's not to say I don't mask any more, because I know that sometimes I do. I just limit that to things like hiding how much things like bright lights and eating noises bother me. When it comes to my actual personality, what you see is what you get; if someone doesn't like it they don't have to hang out with me! (And actually, that would be fine, because I need a lot of alone time anyway.)

I never had a personality. My nd parents beat it out of me before I got into the NT world. I'm a big lump of nothing with no dreams, no hopes, no likes, and whose opinion means nothing. Nt ppl didn't start this. My own parents did. 

I've only ever dreamt of being a singer. That's never changed and I gave it my all to make it happen, which wasn't easy, there was a lot of blips and hurdles but I got there, in the end...Life is short and I try my best to make the most of it. I did go through times where I tried being like everyone else - I was a people pleaser, but not anymore. What you see is what you get with me now.

Be yourself and do what you want, it's your life and no one else has any right to dictate who and how you are.

I'm slowly learning this now at 27. I spent way too long trying to be different and more like everybody else but it started impacting my mental health so now I'm carefree and just being myself.

i have enjoyed the replies i have received .  Thankyou all. 

I dont remember what i wanted to be. 

I now recognise more easily when my communication, what im saying or doing may be seen as "different".I now notice more when people laugh at me. Some people are horrible, im not one of those people. Laugh with me not at me. Some are jealous, because i always try to do a perfect job. I may receive praise for this. Others sometimes dont like this. But it's me and how i have always been. I try less now to be like others.  It does upset me when people are unkind and not genuine. 

I wanted to be a scientist or an inventor. As a child I found joy in knowledge. I devoured encyclopaedias, loved museums, was endlessly creative.

Then I went to school and and learned that these things make you a social pariah so I buried them deep.

I wish there was a way to regain that childish joy.

This reminds me of one of my favourite songs, Metallica’s The Unforgiven:

New blood joins this earth,
And quickly he's subdued.
Through constant pain; disgrace,
The young boy learns their rules.

With time the child draws in,
This whipping boy done wrong.
Deprived of all his thoughts,
The young man struggles on, and on he's known.
A vow unto his own,
That never from this day,
His will they'll take away.

What did you want to be when you were a child?

A Dinosaur.

And what are you now?

A Dinosaur. 

Although I was some other things along the way... Being a Dinosaur isn't quite what I thought, mind you...

None. At the age of seven I wanted to be a pirate, which I didn't achieve. Other than that, I had a limited number of ambitions, I wanted to go to university, I wanted to have a worthwhile job, I wanted to marry, I wanted to have children, I wanted to have a PhD, I achieved all of these. I have no complaints about how my life turned out.

I wanted to be a Radio DJ, as a young boy, but my Teachers pushed me towards IT. It worked well, until I graduated from Uni. Then, I couldn't develop a career. I have been a Bum with a Degree ever since.

It seems almost laughable now, but when I was a child I thought I wanted to be a primary school teacher (Reception class specifically). This lasted until my teens, when I spent a week doing work experience in the Reception Class of a primary school. Although I enjoyed it, I found it to be a rather noisy environment. The reason why I now find it almost laughable is that school had felt akin to a prison sentence for me, and I had no desire to extend my sentence by remaining in full-time education to obtain the qualifications required to be a teacher.

After abandoning the idea of being a teacher, I then thought I wanted to be a radio DJ. At the time, I had been a volunteer with a local hospital radio, until the novelty wore off. That was then replaced with me thinking that I wanted to join the RAF police as a dog handler, but it was for all the wrong reasons. Therefore, a blessing in disguise that I failed an initial entrance exam.

Some people can be quite driven and seem to know at a young age what they would like to do when they're adults. Regrettably, the only thing I was ever sure of was that I wanted to be a mother, and to ideally get married, although not necessarily in that order.

Do I feel that I fit into NT society's perception of what a human being should be? No, not really. Do I feel that I've had to surrender my personality to fit in? No. However, I tend not to worry too much about what other people think of me.

When I was younger, a lot, but I've got it back as the older I get the less I give a fig what anybody thinks of the real me. I'm done making myself mentally ill to keep entitled good-for-nothings feeling like the centre of the universe, it's not all about them, and if they don't like it they can cope and seethe for a change as far as I'm concerned.

I would say almost all of it. Whenever I interact or appear around other people, I am pretending to be something I'm not.

My goal in life is to reach a point where I get to spend most of the time being me, but I don't know if it will ever happen. To make it happen I think I would basically need to win the lottery or somehow own a patch of land that is my own away from everyone.

I feel the same man.

I don't know if you are au fait with Aldous. Huxley and/or Octave Mirbeau? But they have some good quotes on this kind of thing. Alienation etc


I feel like most people have their dreams beaten out of them from a very young age.  Figuratively speaking. But for people with Autism it could be worse.  Having to cling closely to a host culture that is constantly forcing you to essentially repent your own psyche  is  no fun.

I guess some Autistic people adjust to neurotypical culture. Whereas some of us are left maladjusted. And are categorised differently.  I imagine historically many of us were confined to institutions or were burned at the stake for heresy

Or maybe we were medicine men and witchdoctors.

I might have that for my new name on here. The WITCHDOCTA.   This  amuses me.

I used to be able to laugh out loud. I can't do that anymore, even when I know no one will hear me. I probably was a bit more free in terms of having a laugh with people but I've misjudged a lot of things which has put me off.

I had no idea what kind of person I'd be as an adult when I was a child but I've definitely lost any identity I ever had.

i didnt want to be anything, i just wanted to exist... so i guess wanting to exist without having to do stuff and being able to do whatever i want would more fit wanting to be born rich lol or to win the lottery. but i dunno, i just didnt chose to be born but here i am, i didnt wanna do all this crap people force us to have to do.