Published on 12, July, 2020
My friends bf dad had a stroke in March. And he’s only just come home. The bf got him an Alexa to call for help if he fell and I laughed.
Just at older people using the Alexa, not his dad falling over. Don’t ask why I laughed I just did. The bf never wants to see me again and never wants me in the flat. He’s been crying because of it. I feel so bad.
my friend has said they need space from me for a few months so they can figure out what to do/if they still want to be friends with me.
this so all over a misunderstanding. I don’t understand why I’ve been cut out of their life’s. I haven’t been sleeping, I’ve been off work and I’ve been crying in bed when I’m at home.
I’ve said sorry but it hasn’t helped. I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I feel like I’m just waiting for them to text me to confirm it’s over.
my depression is bad. And it’s getting worse.
I explained all of that but it didn’t help, I feel like they refuse to accept my apology.
I'm sorry to hear that such a misunderstanding has caused you so much distress.
Personally I think your reaction is very understandable. The juxtaposition between old people and modern technology is funny! There are so many examples of this, such as:
https://www.newsweek.com/80-year-olds-use-amazon-alexa-first-time-viral-tiktok-1690764
I set up my elderly mum with Alexa devices for exactly the same reason, so that she can call for help if she falls and cannot get to a phone. Watching her learn to use it definitely had lots of amusing moments but now she uses it all the time for all sorts of things.
Try not to beat yourself up over what was just a misunderstanding. All you can do is explain and apologise but if they are not willing to understand then you can do no more.
That’s a shame I don’t understand emotions very well either. Don’t blame yourself, you’re autistic if your friend can’t understand that you have a disability so you can’t understand these emotional concepts then that’s they’re failing. Relationships go two ways. Your friend should understand that you’re not uncaring, you’re actually mentally disabled and that means there are things you can’t understand like when not to laugh and when to laugh. Don’t blame yourself. Try and give your self a break and get a good night sleep and you will think about it clearer the next day. I can understand why he would be upset after you laughed at that but as an autistic person I can also understand what it’s like to not understand social rules like appropriate times to laugh. Hope you can be a little gentler with yourself we all make mistakes.
I’d just be honest and say why was you were actually laughing at it, and you did not mean to cause offence at all.and then maybe just add something like sometimes my autism causes me to act inappropriately for example laughing at things that are not funny. I’m really sorry this caused offence and I really hope we can move on from this but I will give you space for when you’re ready to talk and then leave it at that?
I think it’s so easy to just react to something without thinking through the consequences, and I feel this is even more of an issue for those with autism. I remember laughing when my friend told me that someone in her family had died. It was not that I found it funny, I just didn’t know how to react, or what to say in such a traumatic situation and unfortunately my response was just to laugh. Maybe if you explain a little about autism and how it can make someone struggle with communication and emotions it may help explain it to them?
hope things sort themselves out with the relationship, don’t be too hard on yourself, you didn’t mean any harm or anything intentional, and I don’t know if this is wrong to say…but I feel like them saying they need space for a few months and refusing to talk to you is really overreacting and harsh! I’d hope that a good friend would be more understanding?
I lost every friend I ever had back in May because of a string of stupid mistakes being made public. I also had thousands of people online calling me every name under the sun.
I know how you feel. It's horrible, isolating, and you end up punishing yourself even more than already.
I have written up apology messages and have just left them in my drafts. I feel I'd want to send them but I'm not prepared for the prospect of being cut out of their lives 100% (it's more like 99% atm).
Time can be a slow healer
Some things can affect people badly and it takes a long long time to recover from it sometimes months or even years
We can't walk a mile in someone else's shoes so don't know how there feeling when something like this happens
I'm sure there come round with time.
It doesn't mean they won't be friends again just that they need some space x
He does, but he asked me leave him alone for a few months. Why would it take months?
Hi Mark
So sorry to read this. I hope things will work themselves out.
Your friend just needs some time to work everything out. In the meantime maybe you could write to them explaining that it was a misunderstanding
Sometimes it helps to write things out :)